Well, I think things are getting better for me personally. My H is in an EA with a woman he works with and dropped the bomb last October. He still says the EA doesn't have anything to do with me. He says he doesn't compare his relationship with her to his relationship with me.
Well, I think I'm getting better because this past weekend he accidentally sent me a text intended for her (friendly banter) and he received a text from her on Sunday night that I saw by accident that mentioned she didn't need a ride to work Monday morning, but she would bring the poptarts anyway. I asked him if they had been riding to work together and he said "sometimes".
A couple of months ago this information would have devastated me. Right now I'm a little miffed, but I hope in a couple of months, I won't even care whose poptarts he's eating.
Anyway, he's at a seminar on the West Coast with her right now. Not due back until late Saturday. And I'm not doing too bad. Its on my mind, but I don't feel too bad about it. I don't expect to hear from him at all and I won't communicate with him unless there's an emergency.
And I do think they are "just friends", but this is definitely an emotional affair for him by all definitions as he can't wait to see/communicate with her, she has taken my place as his friend, and he keeps all his communications and activities with her hidden from me unless I stumble across them. In my ideal world he would realize this.
And she knows it's wrong too. She and I used to go out to lunch and out to coffee. Then she just started turning down my lunch invitations. But, karma gets everyone in the end and I am just trying to have compassion for her because how unhappy must you be to screw around with a friend's marriage.
He seems to want for things to be better between the two of us. I am not guessing for what purpose (ie does he want to improve our situation, does he want things things to continue to be comfortable for the kids, does he not want to upset our lifestyle because he is getting an understanding that I'm GAL, does he just want to maintain that safety net?) Who knows whats going on in his head.
He's having his party and I'm not invited.
C believes that the only time he shows interest is when I pull away, so DB does work in that aspect.
Well, thanks for listening to me prattle on with my stream of conscientiousness.
Married - 19 years Noticed Problem - Aug 2008 THE Conversation - Oct 2008
The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
Oh, and a couple of hopeful details. On Saturday I asked H if he wanted to go to the gym with me and he said "no". When he saw me getting ready to leave he seemed surprised that I was going anyway and started to make plans of his own to do something. He mentioned going to a movie. At the end of the day he didn't go to the movie. He waited until Sunday when I could go with him. Of course he didn't ask me to go, or invite me...he just said on Sunday..."the movie starts at 12:45. We need to leave by noon".
Plus, he went to the jewelers and picked up my wedding ring. I've been without it since before Christmas when it broke. It rode around in his car console until sometime last week when he took it in to be fixed. Then he picked it up yesterday. He did kind of fling it at me last night when he got home, "Catch". I asked him to put it on my finger and he did. But, and here's kind of a weird thing...I've taken it back off, at least while he's gone. It doesn't feel quite right to be wearing it while he's undecided about whether he wants to stay in our marriage. I guess if I look at the ring as a symbol of our commitment to each other then I'll put it back on. If I look at is as a symbol of everlasting love or of his love for me...I have a difficult time putting it back on.
I'm sure I'll put it back on in the next couple of days.
I must mention this behavior from him is loads better than even a month ago when he seemed angry and hostile towards me.
Last edited by ThinkingItThru; 01/14/0906:38 PM.
Married - 19 years Noticed Problem - Aug 2008 THE Conversation - Oct 2008
The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
I have found that the whole "interest" thing really does happen when we pull away. Case in point, I ignored two of H's phone calls on Monday and he called me four times that afternoon.
You sound great, and Mach is right (for a newbie, he is smart... ). You will have up days and down days. Just remember none of this has anything to do with you. Its his brain that is messed up. I have found that if you try to figure it out, you will drive yourself batsh!t.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Well, I was feeling so good but I just broke the DB rules BIG TIME. My D called my H in CA to ask how it was going. He said he was hiking. I just saw red, literally I think. Hiking is OUR thing. Or it was.
So I text'd him, "is she with you?". I know...what does it matter?
Married - 19 years Noticed Problem - Aug 2008 THE Conversation - Oct 2008
The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
MWD is going to spank you good for that.It happens, let it go, move on.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
I think the little incident last night with losing control caused me to jump ahead about a month in my detachment. I feel so free this morning. Really good actually.
Like no matter what he decides....I'm getting on with it.
Married - 19 years Noticed Problem - Aug 2008 THE Conversation - Oct 2008
The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
Of course he didn't ask me to go, or invite me...he just said on Sunday..."the movie starts at 12:45. We need to leave by noon".
). You will have up days and down days. Just remember none of this has anything to do with you. Its his brain that is messed up. I have found that if you try to figure it out, you will drive yourself batsh!t.