A little different but still the same.

[Whisper35816]

I am a W who has been with the same W for ten years. We have two kids. 4 wks ago she told me she loved me but was not in love with me anymore. She had found someone at work OW who made her feel alive, and eager to get up and do things. OW is a dope head by the way. I was there when W was legally blind and had several eye surgeries, and the flus that turned to pnuemonia that almost killed her that kept me beside her in the hospital for two weeks straight at 8 months pregnant and I was there to encourage her to go for ged and college when everyone said she couldnt do it. I was there when she said we needed to move so she could get a better job which meant quitting my job, leaving my mom and friends to move and then staying home because W said it was time for me to file for my disability since My fibromyalgia and things were getting worse. I did as she said. I turned housewife. I cooked, cleaned, took care of kids, did laundry, and loved with all my heart and soul. Now she wants to be my friend because she loves me and still thinks Im beautiful but this OW makes her feel alive. I on the other hand feel ripped apart and blown away. If find myself wanting to do things that are illegal in every state and probably a few countries as well. I pray more for her to come home than I do for anything else and if she wont come home I pray that god DOES take me in my sleep because I feel numb and I cant breathe most of the time. I never seen this coming. She never said there was a problem and still says its her fault not mine it just happened and she wont even give us a chance to figure out if we Can save our marriage. My soul cries for her each and everyday and most of the time I do to. I know I sound pitiful but I never wanted anything in my life more than her. I have given everything I have to this relationship and there has to be a way to get her back. Everybody says to just let her go. They even have me semi talked into moving to Colorado to my brothers but Im scared that if I do that she will never come home to me and the kids. Please help What do I do.
Lost in Love
Chatty

[Whisper35816]

So OW calls me yesterday night and tells me that W is her gf and that I needed to stop calling her at work bothering her. OW says W does not want anything to do with me and does not want to be friends with me or hear me telling her I love her. To which I responded that Number One she was right she was the gf I am the WIFE Number Two we have two children so I will ALWAYS be in her life OW needed to get used to it. Number Three: I wasn't doing the calling W was which shut OW up quickly and Last but not least I would love my W till my dying breathe and therefore would say so anytime I pleased. GOODBYE. and hung up. I didn't yell or anything I was VERY proud of myself and then W called back and stated in a very monotone voice that she didn't want me calling her and we weren't friends and then she turned to OW and said what else do you want me to say and I picked up the phone and said I love you honey call me when your gf isn't bothering you. Then I hung up. I think W is very much MLC since she was born both and the female was picked for her after birth not by her I might add. W has testerone overload going on to begin with. She states she loves me but needs time to figure out why she fell out of love with me and why she fell in love with OW who makes her feel alive. I might be all women but still the same feelings are involved and I still need just as much advice and help as any one else. I have no idea what to do from here. I'm trying to give her space. I don't call her unless I have to about the kids or something like that. I don't beg or plead or cry anymore although I already have done that in the past. Now I'm planning to move to Colorado with our kids to my brothers to see if that will work.
HELP!!!

[mdoodles]

i have to tell you, the ow in my situation called me too telling me the same things...from what i hear, they usually do that only when they feel the relationship slipping from them.

the only thing i can say is that, if this just happened, if u want to hang on, if u feel there is still hope, u just have to be patient. affairs usually die out, but it could take time. the fact that u know about her keeps it from thriving in secrecy.

its painful, i know, i have been battling this for a very long time. the difference in my situation is that the ow thinks im the other woman. my h lied to her from day one, i believe she thought he was already divorced, and slowly some forms of the truth slipped out, so i think now she thinks we are getting a divorce, which we are not.

do your best not to beg or plead, and do not talk to the ow. no good can from it at this point.

[Whisper35816]

At first I tried to be friends with the OW but soon learned you cant be friends and want to behead someone at the same time. LOL Now I try not to answer the phone but when its W calling ME what do I do then? My heart skips a beat and my fingers it and I never make it past third ring before I HAVE to answer it. Is that normal? What about giving W information showing her what shes is doing is text book so that she will come home sooner to work on things or would that be a big mistake?

[mdoodles]

have u read the divorce busting book? if not, get it and read it. showing her information at this point will do nothing. if she calls, i would answer and speak nicely. if u have been complaining and only talking about the situation, stop. right away. as hard as it is, if u want her back, u have to let it go for now. believe me , show knows u arent happy.

[mdoodles]

have u read the divorce busting book? if not, get it and read it. showing her information at this point will do nothing. if she calls, i would answer and speak nicely. if u have been complaining and only talking about the situation, stop. right away. as hard as it is, if u want her back, u have to let it go for now. believe me , show knows u arent happy.

[Whisper35816]

Ok No I havent read it but I havent been complaining either well... not anymore we are past that. I ask her how her day is going, tell her whats up with the kids try to make her laugh. Get her to talk about whats upsetting her if she doesnt sound right that kind of thing. Then I always end with I love you later and hang up I dont wait for a response.

[mdoodles]

in the book it tells u to not say i love you, because it reminds them that they dont feel the same at the moment.

i know that is hard to do if u are used to doing it...

[Whisper35816]

Well if the book says not to do it then I will stop doing it. I just wanted her to always be reminded there was someone who loved her she could come home to when she gets ready to.

[Whisper35816]

Ok update time. W came over Monday for about 3 hours when she was supposed to be elsewhere cause she didnt want to go home. Hmmm trouble in lalala land? Anyway, she told me that right now she has to concentrate on her s14 and getting him back and that if it doesnt last with OW than she might just be in an apartment with s14 alone but not necessarily coming home to me. Then she walked around the house looking at everything really sad thinking face on. W then talked about my moving to Colorado and she told me to sell whatever i wanted and that when she was ready she and s14 would come get to me and the kids in Colorado afterall s14 wasnt going to go without his Momma C and brother and sister was he? I asked what that meant and she said she didnt know but that she loved me and wanted to be my best friend right now and then she held me for awhile hugging then she kissed me on the lips and left. WTH? Today she called and she tells me its a good idea to go to Colorado and start a new life and she would be my best friend. Im lost and confused and broke on top of it. My life is just friggin peachy!!!!