Time for me to change....scared as Hell! 2

[theotherhalf]

Last thread...

I swear I get the most locked threads !?!?!

[WCW]

Isn't Terry Redlin the painter with the lights in all of his paintings?

[Creed]

WCW

No, that's Thomes Kincaide (sp) that has the 'lights' in his paintings.

TOH

My mom has a few of Redlins prints, framed. She paid dearly for them..especially framed..but they truly are wonderful to look at.

I did woodcrafts for many years while the kids were growing up. I also painted some of the woodcrafts. I totally agree about painting people..they are the hardest to get the features correctly on. For me the facial features are the hardest. If I'm doing charcoal sketching, I can do pretty good from photos, but that's about it.(at least with that, you can erase the boo-boos. LOL)

Putting his clothes in the spare room is exactly what I did, and I'm glad to see that you've decided on that option too. You dont' need to tell him or explain to him. You're doing it for yourself, not for him. You aren't doing it to hurt him...you're doing it to distance yourself from the rollercoaster he's had you on.

I know all of this will be difficult at first. It feels like you're doing the exact opposite of what you'd like to do..but it will come easier with time. You will start to feel a sense of peace after awhile once you detach from his actions/words, and start building TOHs life back up again.

I hope you'll reach out to others if you need help. Believe me, when people see you handling everything on your own, they will be more than happy to pitch in. It's hard to ask for help sometimes, but you'll be surprised at how many people would love to help you but feel uncomfortable bringing it up.

I'm not going to hold my pride back!!! LOL !!!

I am very proud of the babysteps you're making...and I'm even prouder that you're thinking things through before taking action on them. Excellent!!!

[theotherhalf]

Creed, thank you so much. I really really need the encouragement and support right now.

I have one TR print. H bought it at a Whitetail auction and yes pretty pricey. And I LOVE his work.

None of this is what I want to do. But it's high time I start doing what I HAVE to do. H is still on my mind 24/7 but each time it gets away from me and starts bringing me down, I tell my self to STOP and let it go. I miss him, but then again, not really, I haven't seen or talked to him since Mon afternoon.. I am stopping myself from thinking/wondering/worrying what he is doing. He is a lost man and I have finally realized that there is really nothing I can do for him. So now I have to fix all that is broken in me. Then work towards making MY life better.

[Creed]

TOH

You've just realized something very important. There is nothing you can say/do/control that will make a difference in your Hs life right now. The only thing you can do is pray for him, pray for the H you still love with all your heart...and then let go.

This was all so very hard for me to accept and to learn..it took me so long to truly understand this is the way it works..there's no way around it. I kept thinking if I re-worded my point of view to him, he'd finally 'see it'. Nope. It's something they have to discover on their own, if they ever do. And IF they do, it won't be because of anything we said or did. It will be because we stopped trying to jam down their throats what we believe. How would we feel if we felt one way, and someone else was continually trying to convince us we were wrong and they were right? We'd feel angry, frustrated and we'd quit listening to anything they were trying to tell us.

You can build yourself back up. It takes time, patience and healing...but you can do it. Be good to yourself...take care of yourself. Affirm your goodness to yourself daily. Don't look at the preceived negatives in your life...focus on your positives and the blessings in your life.

As I said before, I would imagine the great majority here have made the same mistake you and I have...and later learned it was something that we wished we could have taken back..handled differently right from the beginning.

This is why you hear so often that 'they' have to go through this crisis on their own, they have to figure this out on their own. There really is nothing the rest of us can do but love them and pray for them.

Honestly, even now..years later...I think back to when all of this started, and I remember how I talked and acted, how I tried to convince him, show him the error of his way and thinking....and I just cringe, and wish I could go back and handle it differently.

[LL44]

You will start to feel a sense of peace after awhile once you detach from his actions/words, and start building TOHs life back up again.

This is SO right! Not to mention, with every baby step to 'free' yourself from the mess, you will feel very empowered. Its hard to see from the eye of the storm, I know this.

[theotherhalf]

True true, in the last weeks I've felt the "clearing". I am still very much at a loss but now with "ideas".

Having a downer day tonight. I miss my H (my true H) very much. I don't remember for sure but I think this is the most time gone by without seeing or talking to him. (not since Monday)The weekend is coming and they are always the hardest. Tried to make plans for Friday night with the girls. But I guess we have bad weather moving in again and D17 has to work. Nothing ever works out like I want it to. I pray that is not always the case...

[theotherhalf]

Wow! How did things go from very bad, to a tiny better, to better, then worse?...

H called my cell tonight, I did not answer, he then called the home phone so I did.
M: Hello
H: Sleeping?
M: Ya dozing on the couch
H: Oh Sorry I woke you. Uh I'm going to stop and plug in the tractor, and I need a check book, so can you get me a check book?
M: Ya
H: Okay, bye
And he hung up just like that

He comes, I had set the book by the door. But he said "yoo hoo" So I went into the kitchen. He put his old one on the table, took the new, said "thanks, see ya later" and left. I said nothing.

Normally I would have called him right away. Probably crying. Asking WTH? What's with the cold shoulder now? Why do you treat me like I've done something wrong? Like you hate me? Like you can't stand the sight of me? Why? What the hell is this about now? What's going on? Have you been to a lawyer? I would have brought up OW as well, Etc...
(this is all the [censored] that is running through my head)

But this time, I did, said, nothing...

God this hurts like hell...God what happened to US?...

[itsy]

I am sorry that you are having a downer tonight...don't get stuck there tho..go watch tv, go take a long hot bath, go for a walk outside, put on some music and dance, go paint, do something else...turn it over in your mind and move on..don't stay there.....

they are the hardest times when we rewind to what was previously our marrriages before MLC...
ITSY

[Dawn of Hope]

TOH, you should be VERY proud of yourself for resisting the urge to call him and say all kinds of stuff that you KNOW doesn't work!

Sometimes in the past I have wondered if you were like the kid who just wants attention, and even negative attention is better than none at all...do you think that has any bearing on your interactions with your H? If I am totally off base, my apologies.

You did GREAT by not calling him or questioning. Yes, it's difficult, and counter-intuitive, but keep it up and see how much better it will get! BRAVO! <applause, applause!>

Peace,
Dawn