Needed a thread that started with more love and hope so had to start a new one. It is still rather intense so read forewarned.
Last night as we celebrated our love on our tenth anniversary we knew that our friend was dying. While we felt sadness the much stronger feelings were of peace and acceptance (not just for our friend but for our own mortality, sufferings behind us and ahead--it was a time of grace and clear understanding for which one feels profoundly thankful). I woke up a few hours ago to find on our e-mail that we were right, he is gone. As I posted some where else on this site, he leaves a devoted wife, an 8 and 10 year old, a research career that will continue to help countless people, both parents, 4 siblings, and numerous friends. We have a long history of meaningful events occurring on our special days and again our anniversary becomes a day that will be filled even more with love and appreciation for this life.
I have a new image to help me move past the bad memories where solid, indestructible love turns all that now meaningless stuff to dust. The memories are tiny microscopic particles that blow away because they are nothing. Finally the wind is blowing in my life and it is blowing hard, taking all the dirt away. My life is in the love not the dust.
Also want to share this link that has been a profound gift. Hadn't visited the marriage builder site for well over a year and the first thing I saw was this:
Settled on our house Sept 11. What's with us and the dates! I have tended to think of transitions like moving as times to throw out the garbage meaning check to see if there are rotten feelings remaining and get them out. However, I have come to realize that sometimes I jump INTO the garbage, not good. But...at least I'm learning and I really didn't get it before and now I do. So now I know better what I don't want to do but am not exactly clear on what I do want to do. Probably I need a garbage suit meaning that I have to distance myself from those rotten feelings and I definitely don't need to be throwing that stuff at my husband.
I'll think about it some more. I was not in good thinking mode for a day or two but am doing better now. Any comments? ideas? similarities with what you are going through?
