I have been posting on the Newcomers and pretty much in denial that there was any A going on with my H. I think I have finally come to accept that something inappropriate is happening, and I am still so incredibly hurt.
It started a little over 2 months ago. Increasing text messages, ILYBNILWY, lost weight, dressing differently. The story is pretty much the same as most. I have found some IM messages that sound wrong, but I really don't know if there is any PA. When I asked H, he denies and states that they are just good friends. IDK, but what else can I do.
I read DR and have trying to implement as many of the principles as I can. We are still living in the house together, still sleeping in the same bed, and still living as H and W. He has said that everyday he battles with staying or leaving, but has made no moves to move yet. I don't think he can afford to leave, and is very fearful and feeling guilty about what it will do to the kids. His family has already said how dissappointed they are that he is acting unhappy in the marriage. If he did leave, he would have to deal with their dissappointment as well. A hard position for him to be in, but funny thing is that I think it strengthens my position.
I have started acting "as if" everything is great. I am trying to be his friend. I have stopped asking so many questions about what he is doing. He has more freedom to go and do things (which he has been taking advantage of). C
Christmas went very well. Almost to well. We spent with my family on EVE and his family on Christmas day.
I am trying to focus on one day at a time. this forum is so supportive too. Any advise is very welcome.
I just posted to your old thread in newcomers. Your H sounds like my W a few months ago--he's probably feeling quite guilty, but that will only keep him around for so long. I don't want to be negative, but the stories are all so alike. My motto has become "hope for the best, but expect the worst." I don't know, maybe that's counterproductive. Do take my advice about the confronting, though. Be sure you have something absolutely concrete if you are going to do it. I learned that the hard way.
I know I said I would stop snooping, but for some reason I HAD to do that today. I logged on to H's facebook account and he hadn't closed his last chat window which of course was with the OW. It basically confirmed what I thought was going on all along. They even talked about a house that they looked at!
The funny thing is that I can hear his insecurities in the convo. He asked her if she really loved him, he asked her for permission to look at some cowboy boots to purchase. I think I figured out why he hasn't been spending money lately. She is giving him money.
This really isn't any information that I didn't already suspect and I don't know how I feel right now. I must confront him, I just don't know how. How can I say I know without revealing my sources?
You can always say you know, do not give any specifics, and just tell him you aren't going to give up your source.
He'll either confess or call your bluff. Either way, you will have at least let him know that you know. If you give him the specifics of what you know; be prepared for him to cover his tracks better next time.
I think that I've know for quites some time, but deep down I still didn't believe that he could do this. Denial is a powerful thing. I'm so hurting for my kids most of all.
I know that I will survive, I just can't believe he would do this to them.
BTW - he really hasn't tried to cover it up at all. He just has continued to say that they were Just Friends and I have been naive enough to try to believe him. The TM between them are astounding, the phone calls are so numberous. The only thing he has hid is his actual phone so I can't read the messages.
I know exactly what you mean..I felt like there may have been someone else for a while, tho hub denied it, but thinking you know and KNOWING are 2 totally different feelings..
I would LOVE (but probably not really) to get hold of my hub's phone for a few minutes because I would probably pass out at the number of phone calls and text messages they do..I just know without knowing that they are that numerous..
SIGH>>>>
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
I am so sorry for you. I know how badly this hurts. I've found my fair share of inappropriate messages. Whatever you do, do not let him know how you know, just quote things he said back to him. This way he can't deny that you know (honestly he might even deny it then, but whether he admits it or not he'll know you know). What's your next move? I mean after the confrontation? You need to know that anything he says at this point is going to probably be a lie. I really know just how you feel and I really feel bad for you. And by the way, denial is really really powerful! Don't let it trap you. Take care and get yourself together before doing anything. Honestly, I think you should kick him out. It's ballsy, but it might just scare the sh*t out of him. No matter what you do, just remember that you really can't control what he does. I've been learning that the hard way myself. Take care.
I'm not it denial anymore. I contronted this morning and am hurting so bad right now, but also grateful that it is out in the open. He still says they are just friends, but now he knows more of how I feel about it. H says he is so confused and hurting, just can't believe in our M right now and doesn't know what to do. Read more about my sitch on the other board.
right now we are in a holding pattern, can't afford to really separate so will stay in the same house for a few months. This gives me a little time to show him that changes are for good and try to help him see the real me.
The truth is that I don't want to lose him, but I can live in my home without him and the kids will stay with me. On the other hand, he will struggle just to have a crappy apt with his income and no help. I can't imagine how that can be appealing, and he also said how much this would hurt the kids and the rest of the family. I think that is holding him back as well. I am praying that the DB principles can save him from self-destruction. I think that is what he would be doing if he left.
I told him that we would be friends and nothing else if that is what he wants. I said I won't be TM or sharing with him. He was really upset about that. I think he is trying to cake-eat and i won't be that way. I am living for myself and my kids now.
