Still some feelings lingering.......

[john210]

I have to admit, that in spite of all that is said here and trying to move forward and the progress....there are still some feelings lingering. Not to get back together .... but how can you have a meal with what used to be your family and not have certain feelings. I can not put my finger on it or put it into words but it is a feeling of sort of a comfort zone....
I have to admit that my XW's thoughtful gift touched me more than I care to admit. Why? Probably because she did not have to get me anything (I did not) and for her to take the time on her vaca with her boyfriend to pick something out for me and knowing exactly what i like....well....like I said, i can not put it into words.
That is probably what got me blue for a good chunk of the day. I did rebound during supper with my family....a very nice evening all around.
I got a text message at 12:05 from IL40 wishing me a Merry Christmas....she seems to be moving rather quickly in the serious relationship arena....maybe that is what the doctor ordered....maybe not.

[BobbiJo]

Merry Christmas John! I didn't read the end of your last thread re. your ex. I will go check it out......

[ernest88]

OK..John..first off I want you to know that I had planned on taking a break from posting on this board for 2 days (Xmas and Xmas eve) until I saw your post..I don't know what type feelings you are having but I can tell you that this should help kill them..

I have to admit that my XW's thoughtful gift touched me more than I care to admit. Why? Probably because she did not have to get me anything (I did not) and for her to take the time on her vaca with her boyfriend to pick something out for me and knowing exactly what i like....well....like I said, i can not put it into words.

does not matter how thoughtful..she was on VACATION WITH HER BOYFRIEND..

Merry Christmas John..do not let this put you on the coaster..

[Choosing_Life]

Sadly there is no rule that says that love is symmetrical, or predictable, or has good timing... all too often, the opposites of these things are true. Look for the positive side of your feelings: they remind you that you are a loving, human person. People who are loving and human get hurt sometimes. There is more to life than simply shielding ourselves against pain and disappointment. What kind of life would that be? A life without risk, without hope, without adventure. Your persistent feelings for your XW are telling you that you still have a lot of love to give... she's just not the one to receive it (right now, I guess... I will need to read your thread to get the specifics of your sitch). Someone is out there for you, and you are out there for some one. Have faith. God is a God of love.

[Kalni]

Hi John,
I just read and I think what you are feeling is completely normal. I takes time. A cliche but true.
Take care of you, enjoy the time with your family
love
K

[Lanzo]

John,

last year when my W was still [censored]ing OM she got me a really thoughtful present, this year we are together and she had difficulty finding the time to go out looking for something.

You are still very much on your W's radar but unfortunately there is another plane on the landing strip.

John the way forward is the direction you are taking, don't let little gestures like this knock you off course.

Lanzo

PS: I love Mikes assessment of the situation.

PS: Merry Christmas

[ernest88]

John..it's easy to look at the little things that happen and make things out of them. I encourage you to not even pay any mind to those things..

bottom line..if she wants to come back she will. If not she won't..I hate to say it but it is that damn simple..

her being with him speaks volumes...to me anyway..

sounds like IL40 has taken a liking to you..

[john210]

I just got back from my sister's house...very nice Christmas. I appreciate your concern guys. Perhaps you misunderstood or more to the point, I did not really explain myself well. I had a warm fuzzy feeling during our brief breakfast.....there is no effen way I am getting back on the coaster.....none.....I think I just glimpsed at it briefly....It was Xmas eve for heaven's sake. XW is not for me and the planes could be backed up on the tarmac for all I care.....she effed up and one day she may even admit it to herself.
D8 really misses her mom (has not seen her since last Tuesday except for our breakfast)...it was tough for her this AM and I almost had to bring her home one day early...but she stuck it out with the old man and had a great day. Tommorow i am bringing D8 back and i am a free man.
IL40 is taking a liking to me ....why not? I am a nice guy! We are scheduled to see each other on Sunday.

[Choosing_Life]

I read your other thread. Sounds like you were going through some tough times getting your new life sorted out, but it seems like you're doing well now. This was my first Christmas without family (long story, but work + separation = no family Christmas for me) in a long time. I was close to tears a couple times. Fortunately, a friend from work invited me to her family's gathering, and it was a nice, warm, hospitable way to spend the holiday. It was very generous and thoughtful of those folks to invite me into their celebration like that... it made me feel a lot better.

Anyway, long story short, I think holidays, birthdays, etc are always the hurdles to get over in this process. Or maybe a more optimistic way to look at it is: they give us the opportunity to reflect on what has happened, and on how we have grown through it.

Peace.

[redhottie]

Hi John,
My H got me a thoughtful gift too. I would rather have it than all the jewels he bought me over the years to make me "happy" not because he loved me. I have noticed that the longer we have been seperated (over a year) the more thoughtful things he does. I don't know if it is the WAS attempt to ease their feelings of guilt or what. I'm glad you had a good holiday, continue to move forward and don't look back.