I will start by giving the latest stitch,then my response. I have been keeping detached but remaining kind and cheerful. Last night while at work she texted me stating that her "friend" OM was over at our house and that she didn't want me to be surprised. She said he wouldn't be over for long. I ignored her text. I didn't want to respond because I was !@#$%$@ mad and wanted to dwell on the sitch before reacting.
She eventually called me and I picked up. She asked if I got her text. I said yes and she said I just wanted to let you know and that it was no big deal. Keeping my temper in check I said,calmly, that I wasn't happy about it. and said I have to go. She said that it's ok nothing is going on ( she was whispering)I said why are you whispering? She repeated the statement with full volume. I heard a male voice in the back ground. I said I got to go (calmly) She begged me not to be mad at her, I remained calm and said again I have got to go goodbye and hung up.
Later she called a couple of times I didn't pick up. She sent me another message stating why are you ignoring me? I texted back I'm busy at work, and haven't talked since.
She called her mother up telling her that the OM had gone home and that they were going to just be friends. Her mother gave her crap for having him there at all. Her mother told me that he wanted her to go over to his place but she said she didn't want to go, so he came over to our house.
She also told her mother that she didn't want me to be alone at christmas and that she was ok with me going to her mothers for christmas dinner.
Regarding the christmas dinner issue based on the tone of her voice and the recent events I am leaning towards going. She has told her mother that maybe if her and I do something together she would see if we get along.
I am looking at going to dinner first because I want to see my In laws they have been great to me and to see her aunts and uncles because we get along. I have to work at 10 pm that night so I can't travel far to see my family as they live a couple of hours away. Going to dinner here is very convenient.
Having no expectations and doing this because I want too, I wonder about if this would be an opportunity to do something together without the pressure of being alone together. Just having a good time not thinking of R.
WoW long winded answer for a short question!
Cheers Jeff
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
I purposely didn't cal her all day after the events of last night. She finally called a short while ago ,I was pleasant and we had some small talk. She asked me if I wanted to do something on Sat like set up the Christmas tree etc. I thought about it and said yes, she said I guess we should have a chat as well.
My intentions are to have the chat see where it goes but I think I need to get real with her about what is going on. Not mean but show strenght she seems to respond to that. If I am to put the separation on hold I think I need a little more commitment from her that she is going to work on herself, and set some ground rules. I am prepared to move on if she is unable to agree to setting some gorund rules.
I am guessing that by not screaming and yelling about OM being over and not giving her a reaction spoke louder than being crazy and screaming at her. She seems to be reacting to the strong silent thing, I now know that no matter what I won't compromise my values any longer and she would have to accept that.
Jeff
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
She called her mother up telling her that the OM had gone home and that they were going to just be friends.
This would concern me. You know that if she broke it off with him, he will be trying to work his way back in. (ie. Innocently coming over to your house) Personally, if she is intent on reconciling, I would insist on no contact with OM. There can be no friends.
However, right now it doesn't matter. Snowmageddon is coming and we should all panic, stock the shelves and hide under our beds.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
So I am still slightly confused about my question... do you want to go.. Now mind you I said do YOUwant to go?
Look, one suggestion. Go over to the Surviving forum and look up Swashy. Ask him to send you the article he has on being attractive to your spouse. It's for times when you go to family gatherings/parties/out and about with her and how to attract her. Excellent stuff and I am sure he would post it for you or simply send it to you in the alternate universe.
Trapt, thanks I will see were it goes and temper my response based on what she says, I think this is big that she has finally asked me to do something together.
Imageer, I will denfinitely insist that if she wants to work on things OM is gone. ! I feel that this is heading this way. My inlaws even told her that he would never be welcome at family events.!
Ian, I believe I do want to go not because my W is going to be there but because I would like to see everyone else. If by chance something good came for my W and me then that would be gravy.
Thanks fo the response guys, Give me a kick in the head if I need it.
Jeff
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
Jeff. It took me a while to get it too. In the FACE of this storm a good BOOK can go a long way. Read the caps and send a post to trapt for who to find.
By the way you are doing great. Just be careful, my W got rid of her OM(well I got rid of him and she doesn't know it). Then said she was working on us 100% then changed her mind 4 days later and has not tried to reconcile at all. I read alot about grieving the loss of the OM/OW and it will take her time to get over him. Just reality. Stay strong without the expectations and you will do just fine.
Married 10/12/2002 Me 35 Ring On Her 29 Ring Off D 4 S 2 Don't know if I am in love with you 10/7/08 Kinda Separated 10/7/08 EA/OM 6/6/08
my current thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1623276&page=1&fpart=4
