Anyway just got off the phone with my W had to talk to her about the house. She threw in the conversation that she had talked to her "friend" yesterday (about something trivial). I know I am not suposed to overthink but it kills me when she mentions his name and makes me think that she didn't call it off. I know that could be a long process and that it would be asking too much for her to go cold turkey but none the less it still is tough.
Still reading when bad things happen to good people.
Jeff
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
Jeff3 detach, detach, detach. I don't mean to sound negative, but its a major uphill battle to reconsille. Best thing for you is to remove yourself from the situation.
Do you mean leave the house or just be distant? We haven't signed the papers yet but I am supposed to takeover the house. She doesn't have any place to live yet.
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
My w just told me that it would be ok to go to her Parents place for christmas, she didn't want me to feel excluded. She said she understands it may be awkward for me. I told her that I'll think about it and that I have other offers but we can talk about it later. Is this a good Idea and is she reaching out? Could this be because it's just christmas? I only wonder because she has been questioning if she is doing the right thing lately.
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
My gut says that maybe I shouldn't and that if she spends a christmas without me around it gives another dose of reality. I find this hard because she has been more open with me.
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
Bottom line is you gotta do what is right for you, Jeff.
You've very focused on your W now which is totally normal at this stage and I am often guilty of myself. It's hard to accept the fact that you will have no effect on what she does. From reading your posts it seems as if you are questioning your actions based upon the belief that what you do or don't do will affect her decisions.
Detatching ain't easy. It's hard to remove yourself from someone when they have your heart (we kinda need our hearts, ya know?). But if you don't detatch you will find yourself as confused as she is.
It's like setting a course based on information from a broken GPS. The course will be just as broken as the GPS. She's broken now, messed up (just as mine told me she told you so). Base your actions on her and your actions will be broken, messed up.
Don't do anything because of an expected outcome with W. Do it because you want to or don't do it because you don't want to. Heck isn't that the way everyone if asked would like to live their life anyway?
IMHO, Sleeper.
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
My w just told me that it would be ok to go to her Parents place for christmas, she didn't want me to feel excluded. She said she understands it may be awkward for me. I told her that I'll think about it and that I have other offers but we can talk about it later. Is this a good Idea and is she reaching out? Could this be because it's just christmas? I only wonder because she has been questioning if she is doing the right thing lately.
