My wife and I have had our ups and downs and we're at the stage now where we need to figure out where to go. With how things have gone, the ball is entirely in her court and I've said as much. Three weeks ago yesterday, I told her she needed to tell me what her expectations of our relationship are so that I can know what we're operating under. Either working actively to improve and fix things or to leave it where she's content with it now and essentially being partners in regards to the household and raising the kids.
Either path is workable, one requires more work than the other, but for me it's come down to the fact that it needs to be her decision. After working on things for so long, IC and MC on my part, there's nothing more that I can do until she's ready to do something (or nothing and I move on (but not out)).
But... how long to wait? When you ask a simple question of, "Tell me what your expectations are for this relationship", how long should it take to figure out?
Garius, You asked her three weeks ago what her expectations are for the R, and you haven't heard back. I wonder if she knows how important this is to you. You need to follow-up and remind her that you're waiting for an answer.
If she doesn't respond again, I wouldn't ask again for at least a month.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
When I had asked her, I told her I wasn't looking for an answer that minute. I asked her again a few days later if she had been thinking about, come up with anything, because things have gotten to the point where the uncertainty in the relationship overall is eating away at me. I made it quite clear to be sure the importance of it. But after that, it came down to that she has to be the one to step forward with it. At the same time, I have to wonder when I have to simply say enough is enough...
Well, she decided that she wanted to talk with a relative while she's gone on vacation for the next couple of weeks. So now I'm simply waiting until sometime early next year. At least two weeks more...
But... how long to wait? When you ask a simple question of, "Tell me what your expectations are for this relationship", how long should it take to figure out?
Hey there G
Nice to make your acquaintance.
It seems that asking a Q like that one, for some of these WAS's (like mine), it is as if you asked them the meaning of life.
Things took a sharp turn for the worse when I even ALLUDED to that Q with my darling. The whole, "I have to get off the phone ..I am feeling uncomfortable now" thing was resorted to by her. Stonewalling, just pure stonewalling. More than likely so she can keep playing as many sides as possible.
