I wanted to start a new thread since my old one may lock soon and I hope to receive a good amount of feeback/opinions on the latest happenings.....Warning, long post!.....
Yesterday D and I were running errands and going to Holiday in the Park in our town. There she was able to see Santa, make crafts, decorate a cookie, magic shows, story time, etc etc. I ended up tm H asking if he'd like to meet us there or if that's not his cup of tea. (I did this because I saw his car in front of IL's on the way to the store). Here's the tm for hte next few hours: H: No, but I want my time with D! I hate this couple of hours sh*t and it's only fair I get my time with her too! Me: what's wrong? This has been the arrangement since u moved out. H: I'll be over in a bit "I want D this weekend. I deserve to spend time with her it's only fair!" me: She doesn't want to spend the night and knows it's not good that daddy lives with another girl when he's married. (This is honestly what D said when I asked her if she wanted to see H instead of going to the holiday thing.) H: "I want to see D! I need to see D! Its only about me and her and nobody else and it's only fair!!! I have lost all hope and just need to spend time with her. PLEASE!!! I just want to be with her! PLEASE!!" H: Damit! All I wanted was to spend time with D so I could be motivated again. I feel like [censored], PLEASE!!!! Me: She asked if you can see her today and come back again tomorrow. She doesn't want to go to your house. If you want to get motivated, why don't you start coming over and/or calling more? H: When are you going to be home so I can come over to get her? H: PLEASE, I'll be off all week to talk about things. I just want to be with D this weekend! PLEASE!! Me: I've heard we'll talk for about a year now. Maybe it's time you wallow in sadness like you've left me to do (wrong, I know. He was ticking me off though) H: It's not Bullsh*t! I'll be off all next week, we can talk about whatever you want and all the things I've been wanting to talk about. Just give me the weekend to be with D. PLEASE!!!!!!!! Me: You have promised talking for a year now, promised to write me a letter a min of the past 2 weeks and promised to have it in my mailbox today. Why should I now believe it will actually happen? H: I swear! All I'm asking for is the weekend with D. Me: She doesn't want to go to your place. She wants to you come over and do things today and tomorrow. Or you can even sleep here and I'll leave. H: Now I see how much you hate me, all I'm asking for is the weekend with D and I would be around all week to talk. THANKS!!! Me: Whatever, play your games with someone else. She doesn't want to spend the night! Me: I wanted to kill myself last week and you didn't care. Remember that? (only a couple people know this, now you all know) H: It's not a game, I SWEAR! Where are you, I'll meet you? Me: You're wasting my time, emotions and allowed text. Bye. H: THanks a f'ing lot!Thanks for letting me have time with her! That's all I was asking for and I would be around all f'ing week to talk to you. F it, right!!!! Me: Lose your attitude with me, I don't deserve this. You're angry because you don't get your way? We said you can see her today and tomorrow and/or spend the night at my place while I leave. Why isn't that good enough? H: All I wanted was to spend time with her. F it, it don't matter obviously! Me: I gave you options since she doesn't want to spend the night. Don't tell me I didn't.
Then he started calling, talked to D and convinced her to go to his place since they'll have tons of fun, make popcorn and watch movies. Tell mommy you don't want to go to that holiday thing (when we were already there). So she was on my case to go, made a few crafts and we left.
I text asking when he'll be picking her up then.
H: I'll make it easier on both of us and just come over tomorrow around lunch time. Thanks alot! Me: She's waiting now after you talked to her. This is what you wanted, right? H: Yea, I wanted to be with her, not having you pissed, I'll be over tomorrow. THanks alot! Me: I'm not pissed but she will be if you blow her off now. How much have you drank today? (I asked this because he was at his dad's all day, his dad's an alcoholic and his tm's were all messed up in spelling.) H: I'll be over in a few, only had a couple to drink but thanks! Me: I'm only asking for the safety of D while she's in the car with you. I'm a mom, that's what I do.
Then he came over to get her. This was around 5:30.
When H came over, I was planning on asking him for additional money to help during the holidays. He gave me $200 already earlier in the week to help with my bank account going negative. I asked him if he had the rest of the child support and he gave me a little less than what's due. I said I was hoping he could help me and give me the full amount and we can use the 200 from earlier to go towards what he's behind on. He told me he's not behind at all. I told him I write it down to keep track of and can show him on the pocket calendar I keep. I took it out and when I was opening it, he got right up to me, put his finger pointed on my face and told me he doesn't owe me anything. I hit his hand away telling him not to put his hands in my face. (At this time I could smell the alcohol on him too, so I know it was much more than just a few like he said).
He shoved me across the kitchen and when I wasn't stumbling he shoved me again. He was in my face with his finger telling me what a F'ing B I am, he hates me more than life itself and can't wait to get rid of me! And he kept shoving me. D saw all of this since she came into the kitchen to see why he was screaming so loudly. I told her to call 911 and she went to find the phone. He went and screamed at D telling her "D is f'ing fine! Don't you DARE call the police!" I saw the phone in my room then and I called. He heard me pressing buttons and grabbed the phone from me, shoved me on the bed, hung up and threw it. They called back, I grabbed the phone and told them to hurry and come over since he was shoving me all over the house.
He again told me how much he hates me, I'm a piece of sh*t and I'm worthless. He went to leave and I said "You can't go now, you've got company coming boy" and I smiled because I was trying to be a smarta** then (for whatever reason). He went to leave and said "Look what you did to our daughter. This is your fault and I did nothing wrong!" He told D to come downstairs and she did. He got in her face and said "I'm so f'ing sorry D, it's not my fault and it's not your fault" I told him not to swear at her and he again got in my face screaming in the hallway.
The police came, D ran in the house and cried because she didn't want me or daddy arrested to jail. She told the police he was trying to kill me. He wasn't, but to an 8 year old it may have looked that way. One cop brought me in the house, another kept him in the hallway. Then his cop came in and told me H said I'm the one that was yelling and hit his hand and he was just trying to stop me. He said he doesn't believe that though since he sees the marks on me, sees his anger and smells the alcohol on him.
I didn't press charges, but the cops said that we both need to take the weekend to calm down and we can talk on Monday for H to see D again then.
I don't know what to do friends. I am sore, hurt, sad, feel hopeless, don't know what he's thinking, and can't believe he was fine driving D 20 miles while drunk. I want to run away. Any thoughts?
First of all, I would not allow D to go with him when he has been drinking.
Secondly, now it is on record what happened at your house.
If this happened in my state, domestic charges are automatically filed. And then a few months later the court dates are set and it is mailed to you and your spouse.
He sounds really, really messed up from drinking, emotions running wild, first he wants to meet with you, write to you, then he backs off...........
He does not know which way the wind is blowing.
I would avoid contact with him as much as possible and most importantly, do not allow D to be with him when he is drinking. She is very young and what she heard/may have seen is forever in her mind.
I am so sorry. He sounds like he is losing control of his emotions.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I just read your post. OMG!! Why didn't the cops take him. In Texas they take them if they hit you. Your poor D. I can't believe that he had your D in the car with him. Did the cops just let him drive away being drunk?
Unfortunately when they are in MLC they tend to drink more than normal. Their tempers get out of control. That is still no excuse what he did! Please take care of you and your D. I am praying for you!
Doesn't TX and AZ have some of the most strictest laws with regard to domestic abuse?
I have been thru the system in AZ, and it is not something I wish on anyone. If the one who does the assaulting is there, yes, the police will take them away. If not, then they file the report and the court docs get sent out in a few months--if there is visible injuries, I am sure they attempt to put out a warrant, not sure.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Yep, any marks they get taken away to jail. It just bothers me that the cops (if they did) let him drive away after drinking without doing any tests. If FG could smell it I am sure they could too!
I'm back. Took D and niece to see High School Musical 3 since D got 4 free tickets for the theater at one of the school fundraisers.
I too was shocked they let him drive away. I even asked them...saying "you're okay with him driving even after you can tell he's been drinking?" The cop said "well, we have it under control." Whatever dude!
D was NEVER in the car with him yesterday though. THANK GOD! I just can't believe he was going to take her overnight knowing how much he drank! And drive like that...with her?! Maybe it's a blessing he was shoving me around and couldn't take her then.
The police here don't do anything unless you want something done. They asked if I wanted to press charges and I told them know. I KNOW in my heart it would have made things MUCH worse. H would have been more mad and my FIL is an a$$ as well and I'm sure he would've gotten involved. Since I didn't press charges, they don't take H at all...even seeing for themselves that he was obviously drinking. I told the police that it would make things worse and I've only seen H like this 3 times in 13 years. He agreed with my choice and they gave us both info on domestic violence. They said this will be on file though, so if it ever happens again and I do press charges, the courts, etc will know it's not the first time.
He is lucky his ass wasn't in VA because if he had been, he'd probably STILL be cooling his heals in a cell waiting for a bond hearing.
I am on the fence regarding you not pressing charges.
SOMETHING has to wake him up to reality and this would likely have done the job.
Dar, you can't keep on like this now.
I'm understanding of bleeding hearts and all that but between the basic disrespect he shows you on a fairly regular basis and now pushing you around...well, you do realize there are MANY forms of abuse, right?
And NOTHING in your past - even when you bullied him - entitles him to treat you in this manner.
Where I live you have no choice on whether or not to press charges as once the police report gets written up, it goes thru the system and then to court.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
