Haven't been here in a long time and I have some very negative things to say about relationships so please excuse me but I need to get this crap off my chest.
Sooooo...found out that all along H had someone other slut on the side....it's someone he works with and had probably been going on since last february (four months before he moved out). She's extremely ugly and disgusting looking which is about the only thing that gave me any consolation whatsoever. At any rate, I had been approaching this thing from the wrong perspective all along giving him credit for just "wanting to find himself". After I caught him and her coming out of his home together in the morning he had the nerve to tell me he had thought that maybe he and I would be apart for a while realize "we" had made a mistake and get back together, but it never got to that point because I kept hounding him about whether or not he was involved with someone else. Okay if that isn't the most laughable thing I've eve heard....IT DIDN'T GET TO THAT POINT BECAUSE OF ME????????????????? Are you freakin serious right now????
I hate him more than anyone can even imagine. Our family lives are ruined and he admitted that he never shared with me what was bothering him in our relationship because he didn't think I would care. Isn't that nice...never gave me the courtesy of having information that could of saved our marriage and he feels completely blameless. I look at him now and he's completely unattractive to me....all I see are his flaws and he makes me want to vomit. I hope him and his ugly butch girlfriend who has an a$$ that looks like she shoved about 27 old pillows in her velour sweats are happy together. It's so funny...I actually remember him mentioning this person about a year ago and telling him I didn't think he should be talking to her and his response was "give me a break...she weighs about three hundred pounds and has an a$$ that won't quite". So much for not worrying about your husband cheating on you with someone less attractive. He is correct, however,...she does weigh about three hundred pounds and has orange hair (seriously give up the blonde dream already).
Soo...what I'm I trying to say with all this???? That I really don't know that divorce busting can work. I am happy to hear data to the contrary, but even in other forums like piecing...folks are still struggling. This crap is awful.
How ironic, because you wrote a post that said (basically) you were angry with yourself for not believing what he said and that HE was being honest with you, but you weren't being honest with yourself. At that point did you know about the OW?
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
Nope it never came up in counseling and neither did the fact that when he moved out of our house in June he didn't rent a home he had been spending more than 3 months buying a home. YES BUYING A HOME behind my back. You see...although I had deeded him on to the house we bought together his credit wasn't good at the time we got the home loan so only my name is listed as "RESPONSIBLE". As a result he had great debt to income ratio on paper so he could buy his own house. Isn't that sweet? We had a $440K first mortgage and a $100K second mortgage and he walked out without even asking me how I was going to pay for it. I have been doing it on my own ever since. To add insult to injury during the time he was working on his home loan both my brother and father were hospitalized and I was completely consumed by taking care of that...my brother nearly died and was in ICU for more than a month and then a rehab facility for 2 months. It certainly made it easy for H to take care of his "business" without me knowing anything was going on.
I found out about his ugly whore last week when after speaking to him on the phone and having him tell me he was at his friends house helping him move....I caught him coming out of his house with her. Mind you...I had strong suspicions before that as I had found a reservation for a hotel in bodega bay in his email. That is also how I found out about the house and then went on to public records and found out that he owned the house. The disgusting part of all of this is that he continued to lie even after I showed him proof. He continued to lie until I saw them together. WTF kind of person does that? Seriously...why would someone lie about that kind of crap? I BEGGED him to tell me if he was seeing someone and told him that it would make it so much easier for me to let go for good if I knew he had moved on. All he would say and I quote was "I don't need anyone...I'm just trying to find myself and figure out what makes me happy....I am not seeing anyone and I won't be for a very long time".
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I am so angry, hurt ...I feel stupid..
I am so sorry for these change of events but please do not feel stupid at all. How were you suppose to know when you point blank asked him and he denied it? It is a shame that he was a coward and kept this information from you but you are in no way stupid for not knowing. As you mentioned you had your plate full and where consumed with more important things going on in your life.
Wow, that is brutal. I don't even know where to begin with a situation and story like this. I'm not surprised you feel very betrayed, hurt, and angry here. It is hard to imagine how someone would continue to lie...though I see it here more often than I would like to on this board. I suppose they feel there is some point where it feels too "messy" to really come clean and be honest, because the baggage has been building and building with all the lies.
Sounds like you've been going through lots of painful stuff and also had some major traumatic situations to deal with re: family members.
Wow, CW, that is a absolutely nuts. And no need to beat yourself up about it--you asked directly, he lied. Who buys a house behind someone's back??!!?
He is obviously a real piece of work. What he did has NO reflection on you and makes a HUGE statement about how he is as a person.
So, what are you doing to take care of you? What have you been up to all this time off the board?
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
All he would say and I quote was "I don't need anyone...I'm just trying to find myself and figure out what makes me happy....I am not seeing anyone and I won't be for a very long time".
that's what stbx said to me on September, by October he had a live in gf and her kids will be coming next week to live with them. The lies are totally unbelievable, I hear you, I was lied to like crazy for a year, at the counselor's too. There is a point when lying becomes second nature to them and eventually they can't even tell their lies apart. I'ts pretty pathetic actually.
All this lousy behavior reflects badly on HIM, no reason why you should feel stupid, you were truthful and you were fighting for your M, the looser is him with his lies and new bandaid/ow. Word of advise, from someone who obsessed about the ow, DON"T. Even if the ow was miss Universe, they are just distractions and a new R with no history and no responsibilities, it's a novelty that keeps them mesmerized. Spending energy hating her (honestly, he sought her out most likely) will just fill you with hate and negativity. It's ok to be angry, but dont' let that idiot steal your peace, he's done enough. Work on yourself, DB is not only to save your M, it is to change your mind set, not all Ms are saved, but what we learn during DB stays with us, we become better people through this trial by fire. I wish my M would've been saved, but after all that has happened I have grown as a person and now pity the wretch stbx has become.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I'll try very hard to take your advice. I can tell you that one thing that is making things difficult is that the whore is making up lies and creating huge issues for me. She told him that I had reported him to Child Protective Services for beating my daughter and I, when I had done nothing of the sort. He was NEVER abusive and I would NEVER say he was. She told him that she heard this via people I had tried to contact at his work. Again, nothing but a lie...I have been in contact with no one at his work. I think she is upset because I did contact her stbxh and he and I were able to put two and two together and found out the R started between them 4 months before my H ever moved out. My H is now accusing me of being lower than life and it hurts to think that after 16 years with someone he would believe someone else over me. I'm hurt and can't seem to pick myself up off the ground. I honestly can't take this anymore.
