I've been wallowing for a while now. Needy little boy. Poor me. I think I've learned to be 'comfortable' in pain for too long. I have my IC meeting tomorrow. We'll start finding out why, and how to stop it.
I get up, I get down. I stay stuck.
And, I won't answer the phone when W calls any more. She can leave a message.
Frank, Have you ever read any of Anthony Robbins stuff? He writes a lot about changing your attitude and how you think about yourself and your world.
This is my second Christmas since sep. In a lot of ways the first Christmas sucked because I wanted it to suck. I had in my mind that it was going to and it became self fulfilling. This year I will still miss my W being there but I'm going to have a good time with my kids and my family. I know W is not going to have a good Christmas but it is by her own making and she has to learn what her actions have cost her. I say this because I think it is the same for your W. She has to learn the cost of her actions.
You have the opportunity to spend Christmas with your kids. That makes you the lucky one. I hope that you find appreciation in that and enjoy your Christmas.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
AmyC, that was like the wussiest lashing I have ever read from you....
Frank, have you ever watched a Hamster in one of those wheels??? They go round and round and round, over and over and over... They never get anywhere. They feel like they are working their asses off, but they never make any progress. The reason they don't Frank????? That's right, it's because the area they are focusing their attention on leads to nowhere.
Frank, I love ya buddy, I really do. I cherish our talks and I truly believe you are one of the kindest men I know. I also know that it hurts watching this. It hurts watching such an incredible dad, an incredibly loving husband, and an outright nice guy spin his wheels so damn hard and yet stand completely still.
When people say "do work", they are speaking of work that leads you to where you need to be. Not just any work.
Frank, you have got to get off the spinning wheel and change your focus. Absolutely nothing today is about her anymore. It is all about you. Until you get that and change your focus and direction away from HER, you will continue to spin the wheels.
AND......
Before you say that you know this and you know what to do, stop.I don't want to hear it. I want to see it.
You handled the first call from her great today, and then proceeded to destroy all the work you did on that call when you responded on the second. You took a great situation which you took control of and destroyed it. For what? To get a little jab in. To let her know things in your home are rough because of her choices.....Duhhhhhh you think she isn't aware of that already? Do you think hearing it today will snap her out of it and bring her around?
I struggle at times with your decisions when it comes to speaking with her. It just boggles my mind to see you put her needs and wants ahead of your own. What has she done lately to earn this respect and love from you???? Nothing that I have seen.
I will finish with this, whoever it was that posted for you to go read your alpha male stuff you used to post, was right. You have to find strength for Frank, no offense.... but fuckkk her right now. She doesn't deserve you right now Frank, make her earn your love and understanding, not for her... for YOU......
W and D13 / D17 were invited to Christmas Eve dinner at her Dads house since I went to their Thanksgiving dinner with the girls.
W accepted after Thanksgiving, but this past week she called her Dad and told him they weren't coming, claiming that D17 had made other plans for that night. No mention of maybe coming with D13.
Well, D17's boyfriend is Jewish and doesn't celebrate Christmas.
So, W's Dad called D17 to ask her if she had plans and could she change them so they could spend Christmas eve. Of course D17 tells him she has NO plans and would love to go.
W's Dad calls W and tells her this. Now she's caught in a lie. He even gave her the chance to decline if she would rather spend the night with her housemates. From what they told me she was saying how she was 'confused' because she was sure D17 was busy.
Apparently she called D17, for what I don't know, and I'm sure there were fireworks I will hear about later.
So, she calls the house phone again, and neither D13 or I answer. So she calls my cell and I don't answer. She leaves a voice mail and says in a very annoyed tone "Hello Frank it's W. My dad has invited the girls and I to xmas eve dinner. Please let me know if that conflicts with any of your plans"
I waited a bit and texted her "Xmas eve is fine with me, I thought that was your plan all along"
She replied "It was, but D17 said she had plans but now she is available so it's back on".
I never used to like text messaging, but it's so much easier than talking on the phone to her. And I can ignore them when I want to.
Her Dad's a little angry because he feels like she'd rather spend her evening with her friends / OM instead of with him and his family and OUR daughters.
I struggle at times with your decisions when it comes to speaking with her. It just boggles my mind to see you put her needs and wants ahead of your own. What has she done lately to earn this respect and love from you???? Nothing that I have seen.
Nothing I have seen either. I'm just a pushover.
Going to be an interesting counseling session tomorrow.
I struggle at times with your decisions when it comes to speaking with her. It just boggles my mind to see you put her needs and wants ahead of your own. What has she done lately to earn this respect and love from you???? Nothing that I have seen.
Nothing I have seen either. I'm just a pushover.
Going to be an interesting counseling session tomorrow.
If I was to guess, your IC is gonna rip you a new one.... better bring some lube my friend......
