Update from LMG ("Help Me Act AS IF")

[newnamenewlife]

I just wanted to check in here. It's been months since I've posted. I've been thinking about how miserable I was a year ago--just completely heartbroken and miserable. While I am feeling sad and unsettled by the upcoming holidays--the first without H/STBX, I have come a long way.

In early October, I decided to join an online dating service, just to see what might be out there. About a month later, I went on my first date in 19 years, after emailing and speaking on the phone with a guy with whom I seemed to have some chemistry. We have been dating since then, and even though I have no idea if this will last (or if I even want it to), it has played a HUGE role in boosting my self-esteem and making me realize that all is not lost in the romance dept for me.

I'm not suggesting that dating is the answer for everyone, I'm just letting you know where I'm at. I didn't expect to like this guy as much as I do. It has allowed me to make the final emotional break with my H, too, and now I get along with him better than ever. As those of you who know me might recall, I had a VERY hard time letting go. I now believe that, for me, "standing" would have been pointless. My H is clearly gone, never again to be a romantic option for me.

It's still hard, of course, and I still get pangs of missing H, wishing he hadn't left, even crying--but it is SO much less intense that it was, thank goodness--because, as we all know, being in this situation is pure h*ll at times. My kids are doing very well, too. I haven't yet addressed my financial issues, which are real, but hopefully I'll be able to face that part of it soon.

I just wanted to check in, let you know that it DOES get better with time (I didn't believe anyone who said that when I was in the throes of misery) and that there is hope for a happier future for all of us--whether we choose to stand or go another route.

Happy Holidays to all!
LMG