Beth, his communication with you was a good thing. One of the things said on these boards all the time is to not over analyze. We can't get into their heads and it makes us crazy to try...one of my big problems is trying to figure out what my W is thinking...craters me every time.
Remember our mantra...stay in the present. We need to add: "Don't try to figure them out."
Thanks, I know you are right. It is craziness trying to figure out what he is thinking.
I look so hard for positive signs and want them so badly that I shoot right past the action and go looking for meaning. Even more futile, I want it all RIGHT NOW!
I guess I should just be glad he responds to emails but I still think it is a step backwards. For a brief while he was emailing me on his own and now that's stopped.
I'm listening to some audio CDs called Co-Dependent No More which I think were recommended to me by Ready2Change, but I'm seeing that both my wife and I were/are co-dependent (although my sitch has made me more so and, given how broadly it's defined, the whole world may be)... But, as I read the words you are writing, it really makes me think of your mindset. Are you familiar with this book?
Take a look at the link... I haven't finshed listening (I listen as I make my one hour commute through Chicago traffic), but what I've heard so far makes me think there may be some kernels for you in trying to cope with things you cannot control.
Just a thought. And, by the author's definition of co-dependence, I'm exhibiting it by even suggesting you read the book!
-AlexEN
New: What a Weekend
H-48 WAW-49 M-22 S-14,9 D-11 EA disc.-11/07 PA disc.-3/08 EA2?-6/08 to ?
Looks like you're having one of your "down" days, and it's completely normal and understandable. Listen, you have a lot to process as of late. Your H's email had a lot more information than you were prepared to handle. Slow yourself down and breathe. Chances are after this weekend, your interpretation of your H's email will undoubtedly change dramatically. I mean, count how many words are in his email...now count how many words you used in all your previous posts since to interpret what your H wrote. What's the ratio...like 4:1? I can tell you from this former DAM that most of my emails take as long to write as it does to read them...not much time to contemplate sneaky innuendos and double-meanings.
Go do some fun, girlie things with Mommy like a mani-pedi (even though you won't see them through your winter boots), go to a Ritz Carlton or somewhere similar for high tea, Chippendales Revue...whatever! Just have fun and leave you H out for once!
- Me = 32 y/o - WAW = 32 y/o - M = 2.5 yrs, T = 12.5 yrs - No kids - Bomb, WAW moved out, D filed = 8/15/08
Do you really think that it is just one of my down days? I hope you are right. I want you to be right. These come and go for me, I know that.
You seem so much better at this than I am. Don't think I have seen you have a down day since I joined. I know that it takes hard work. I am impressed. And thank you for posting to me. It helps to know you are out there.
I have things planned for Mom and me this weekend and will try very hard to have a weekend without a lot of thought of H. Though chopping up dead plants in his garden will make me think of him. Maybe I can take some frustration out in that activity.
AlexEN - I know the weather sucks there, but I really miss that city.
Only sharing this with you Beth because it sometimes doesn't feel good to think that everyone else is handling their sitch more comfortably... today I am a mess again! When will this end? Is it easier to just stop dbing and move on... what's so wrong with dating... getting some positive attention elsewhere?
O.K., that's probably heretical, I know. But dang, the not knowing, the wondering, is he with someone, etc., yikes! I could go crazy with this some days.
While I appreciate the sentiment, I do not want to feel better just because you feel like you do not have it all together. I am sorry you are struggling tonight.
This thing really is up and down and up and down. There is nothing wrong with wanting attention from someone. Only you can decide how long to keep working towards reconciliation. I do not think there is anyone here who would fault someone for deciding it is time to let go.
I will say this, however, that decision should not be made while one is describing oneself as a mess. Not that I think you are about to make that decision tonight.
I really appreciate your commeraderie. I know tonight is a tricky one for you. I hope you are baking with your friend.
As for the "reaching out" comment, if I know him at all, it is just to avoid saying "I'll email" you next week because that sounds so cold. It is cold and it is all he does, if anything, so why is he such a friggin' coward about calling it like he's doing it?
And you may be right that he may not actually have any fun and not want to admit it, but why tell me at all. It's cruel. He is cold, and selfish and I am so tired of loving him anyway.
Now I am the one who is pi$$ed that we cannot get divorced before next August.
Wooooo Beth! I travel for a couple of days and things end up in a tailspin. My gosh!
I've got to call this one like I see it. I can't see anything your husband did to justify your reaction.
You (subtly) asked him for help. He responded right away (good thing). He offered to help (good thing). He shared something about his life (good thing).
He's not a bad man for travelling out of town on business. He's not a bad man for trying to have some fun in his life. He's not a bad man for saying he'll "reach out" rather than "email".
If anything, as you note, "reach out" does sound more personal. I'd be happy if my wife said she would be reaching out to me.
It seems to me like you've probably had a bunch of frustrations building up and this was a trigger to let them loose. I believe you will feel better about this soon.
My thread, Carpe Diem #4 Orig Thread: Carpe Diem #1
I can tell you from this former DAM that most of my emails take as long to write as it does to read them...not much time to contemplate sneaky innuendos and double-meanings.