Well, here we are at #20. Figured I would start a new thread since 19 likely to be locked (thanks mods for keeping it open to deal with the day's events!).
To update, I sent the following message to W:
It would be reckless to pay for a trip to Hawaii when the future of our family is so uncertain. Need to cancel the trip. I didn't insist on cancelling the trip earlier because I hoped that you would stop your affair.
W responded with the following text message: "Don't agree but then when has that ever counted for anything. If u want to break the kids hearts, then that's on ur shoulders. A phone call would have been nice or better yet face to face would have been more respectful not surprised in the least tho."
Now, when I received that I really wasn't phased. Not surprised it was "all my fault". The respect part is laughable. And break the kids hearts - well that is the button that she knows will get me, so need to guard on that.
They are back Sunday. In the interim, I will speak to her parents to clear the air.
I hate to say it but I am starting to get those WAS feelings I hear so much about. Why do I need to put up with the crap she spews? Is it worth it? My k's are, but is she? I deserve respect (don't we all) and am getting NONE from her. (Yes this part is a venting...).
I would soooooo like to respond to her text with one about how this is simply an end to the lies and deceit and is a consequence of actions chosen, but I know that is not the way to go, right? So need to mull on what is next... and am open to suggestions.
I am fried tonite so it was easy to not respond immediately.
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
I would soooooo like to respond to her text with one about how this is simply an end to the lies and deceit and is a consequence of actions chosen, but I know that is not the way to go, right? So need to mull on what is next... and am open to suggestions.
I am fried tonite so it was easy to not respond immediately.
Why not? Truth always trumps fantasy. You have been protecting her from her actions for too long.
I agree. Although I'm normally pretty much a "DO NOT RESPOND" guy, sometimes, in the big moments, you have to throw the truth dart:
"I agree, they will be very disappointed. You have more say in this than you let on, in fact you have ALL the say in this. Your affair is the only thing standing in our way, but I can't control you nor do I have any desire to."
"You are breaking the kids hearts by breaking up our family by having an affair. Was going to wait to talk to you, but you kept asking me saying you NEEDED to know right now. This is your choice, not mine. (W Friend) doesn't want you at the place because of your choice and we can't afford this trip and go through a divorce. I would love nothing more than for you to stop the affair, work on the marriage, and continue fun trips with the family."
"You are breaking the kids hearts by breaking up our family by having an affair. Was going to wait to talk to you, but you kept asking me saying you NEEDED to know right now. This is your choice, not mine. (W Friend) doesn't want you at the place because of your choice and we can't afford this trip and go through a divorce. I would love nothing more than for you to stop the affair, work on the marriage, and continue fun trips with the family."
Ooh, that one's even better. PERFECT. Truth dart -- TRIPLE 20!!!
You two are definite pillars of wisdom for me now. Thank you.
I like the idea of responding - glad I didn't do so last night b/c I would have gone overboard on the respect thing (or lack thereof shown to our family).
I really like your suggestions for a response. I would love to simply use wdid's, but the response by text was more that she was asking more questions and this needed to be dealt with NOW. Where she "needed to know right now" was with respect to another trip re S13 hockey tournament. So how about...
"W, You are breaking the kids hearts by breaking up our family by having an affair. Was going to wait to talk to you, but you kept raising questions and we NEEDED to deal with this right now. This is your choice, not mine. [(W Friend) doesn't want you at the place because of your choice and] We can't afford this trip and go through a divorce. I would love nothing more than for you to stop the affair, work on the marriage, and continue fun trips with the family."
As you can see I eliminated (square brackets for now) the part about the friends. It is true, but I would rather check with them before I say that. So I can send now as above OR wait for a bit (too early right now), check with them and then send with that comment in - I would rather do the latter because I think it is a POWERFUL comment!
You guys are GREAT!!!!!!!!!
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
You two are definite pillars of wisdom for me now. Thank you.
I like the idea of responding - glad I didn't do so last night b/c I would have gone overboard on the respect thing (or lack thereof shown to our family).
I really like your suggestions for a response. I would love to simply use wdid's, but the response by text was more that she was asking more questions and this needed to be dealt with NOW. Where she "needed to know right now" was with respect to another trip re S13 hockey tournament. So how about...
"W, You are breaking the kids hearts by breaking up our family by having an affair. Was going to wait to talk to you, but you kept raising questions and we NEEDED to deal with this right now. This is your choice, not mine. [(W Friend) doesn't want you at the place because of your choice and] We can't afford this trip and go through a divorce. I would love nothing more than for you to stop the affair, work on the marriage, and continue fun trips with the family."
As you can see I eliminated (square brackets for now) the part about the friends. It is true, but I would rather check with them before I say that. So I can send now as above OR wait for a bit (too early right now), check with them and then send with that comment in - I would rather do the latter because I think it is a POWERFUL comment!
You guys are GREAT!!!!!!!!!
Hey a thought. Should I use Puppy's opening line? I like the idea of acknowledging the K's disappointment. Maybe something like:
"W, You are breaking the kids hearts by breaking up our family by having an affair. Was going to wait to talk to you, but you kept raising questions and we NEEDED to deal with this right now. I agree the kids will be disappointed. This is your choice, not mine. [(W Friend) doesn't want you at the place because of your choice and] We can't afford this trip and go through a divorce. I would love nothing more than for you to stop the affair, work on the marriage, and continue fun trips with the family."
(and I will try not to do the waffling I did yesterday - still smarting from the 2x4 )
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
"I agree, they will be very disappointed. You have more say in this than you let on, in fact you have ALL the say in this. Your affair is the only thing standing in our way, but I can't control you nor do I have any desire to. [(W Friend) doesn't want you at the place because of your choice and] We can't afford this trip and go through a divorce. I would love nothing more than for you to stop the affair, work on the marriage, and continue fun trips with the family."
That's the best, IMO, yet it is a very long text to have. Perhaps, wait until you see her face to face. When will that be?
Will not see W until Sunday - and I do not expect that to be pleasant. I am leaning toward the text so she gets it while still fired up and can mull that over.
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
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