M 8 years Wife has been having A's since 2006. I can't count the number! 9/15/08 she wants out after 3 A's in less than 30 days; all different men.
Last night, she stayed over because she needed to get the kids off to school for me this morning. On my way home, I get a text from her asking for me to pick up some beer. I knew then that we would be talking. First I went to a Wing place to have a beer and dinner with a friend before I went home.
Once home, after making the kids dinner and she gave them a bath, the talks started. There's so much here to say so bear with me. It might be long and rambling.
She wanted to let me know that she was seeing someone and she named him C. She took C to her dad's for T-Day; that's why there was no rush on getting the kids back. I've learned from SIL that there almost no talking in the house that afternoon. The family was shocked. W's mother told her don't bring C around until after the D. W asked me if I was seeing anyone that I wanted the kids to meet; I told her I ain't seeing anyone, so NO. W asked if I would let the kids meet C; I told her NO, not until after a D.
She then started in on settlement arrangements. she's going to leave the kids with me; as she admitted that i support them better than she can. She cried quite a bit during this exchange, she wanted to let me know that she didn't know how I put up with her behavior for so long. I told her it was a labour of love. She didn't know why I didn't hate her; again I told that I hate what she's done; but I don't hate as a person. She mentioned that C wanted more than she give right now and that who knows, down the road 5-10 years, we could work it out. whatever?? W has even been to see OM's family. She said I'd like OM's sis and H? WTF?
So we came to some basic understandings on the issues concerning the settlement. She wants out as fast as possible, wants to do it online if we can come up with an amicable agreement. I said nothing. She still thinks that I should use her L, NOT!!
There was a whole lot more that I don't want to detail so that this is easy to read. All in All, convo lasted 3 hours. She cried and I never did. I told her that as far as I was concerned the door wasn't completely shut; but I wasn't looking through the crack.
she talked the whole time like I was her BFF; I know that I'm supposed to be her friend. But some of the stuff I learned, I never wanted to hear. it didn't effect me too severely, but could've lived without knowing it.
After we were done, she immediately went on her FB page and updated her status from "single" to "in a relationship" and I had already made mine "It's Complicated". She then made a comment on her wall about her new boyfriend "C"
SIL sent me a text this morning saying that she saw both updates and that she wanted to vomit. SIL is really PO'd at her and said that she'll get money from me over her dead body. WOW!! SIL said not to worry about what the kids think, those "dumb a$$es deserve each other.
W just called me to talk inane BS about school. Guess she's going to the house to finish a report for her Psych class.
oohh, man my head still spinning. Not good DB'ing; but negotiations have started.
I suggest that you have your L put together a sweetheart deal for yourself, and get it in front of your wife as soon as possible. Full custody for you, child support FROM her, and a very short-term rehabilitative alimony for her.
It's time to stop being her friend (be friend-LY, but not her friend) and to take care of your interests and those of your kids. There's a reason they put that little "v" in between the parties' names -- sadly or not, it's ADVERSARIAL, and you need to get steeled for it. I have never met a single person -- nor even HEARD of one -- who later regretted that they were TOO firm.
Don't know what to say really. What are you planning to do from here? I would recommend following Puppy's advice. Hopefully it all works out how you want it to in the end.
{{{{{{Tom}}}}}}}} I have nothing to say except that I'm here, we are all here, to hug and laugh and cry and whatever you need my friend! I'm glad, at LEAST, that things are out in the open so that you KNOW what you are dealing with and what you are doing.
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
Tom--Criminy, things change in a hurry don't they? I don't know what to say, sorry, congrats... You and I have walked in kindred shoes, so I feel some sadness mixed with relief for what you are going through. I envy you being with the kids. I am here, you have my address if you want to talk in the real world.
LE
M42 S12/D9 T17/M12 Bomb 1 3/22/06 Bomb 2 7/11/08 Bomb 3 7/31/08 W Filed 8/1/08 D granted 12/17/08 D Finalized 1/29/09
A man who compromises his principles never had them in the first place.
