Hope, I just want him to come home. I know he has to do it on his time. I know he knows what it will take for him to come home. We have so much fun together and he keeps saying are you having fun. When he leaves he says he wants to leave on a good note. I am just as confused as I think he is right now. Well I know I am not as confused, but I feel like I am lost. Some of the comments he makes tell me we will be together, but then he talks about living on his own, but he still wants me around.
Coffee yummy. I have a cold and I'm wiped out. Was rereading a sitch on here and trying to wake up.
MT-it is time to GAL. Just a little one. You, me, Hope, BG, we have all just been sitting on our asses waiting for these men to give us some sort of hope, glance, something. Reread the book if you have to. Now is the chance to really make MT shine and show him exactly what he will be missing.
For me, I'm pretty sure it is a done deal. But amazingly I'm very comfortable with that. But you are where I was years ago, and you really do have a shot to make this work if you can find what he has taken from you. Your selfrespect in this R, your confidence, your desire to put yourself first and know it is not a selfish thing to do. Especially your confidence in the R. Hope I'm sure will back me up on this. When that is gone, you are weak and needy and suspicious. All things that are NOT attractive. And even if you can justify it, it is still not attractive and will damage things in the long run. I don't think you were those things in the past, you seem to have a really good sense of who MT is, at least with this man, but who is MT without him?
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
Thanks Kel, Funny I was thinking the same thing. That I am too available. It is so nice to be with him and so much fun, but I have to do things on my own, I know. That is a good question K? Who am I? Hell if I know. I need to find out.
Kel it is snowing here....I know you want it! Me not so much!
Thank you again for caring enough to tell me what I need to hear.
Reading another sitch on here, they were talking about living in the present. I really need to do that and not keep thinking about what might be.
MT-I'm glad you came to it on your own and I was just a little reinforcement. You know like the rest of us, I came here to save my M, but I have really ended up saving me. With everyone's help. I finally know who I am, what I am without H and even without S. I am learning new things about me everyday. And I like myself a lot more than I used to. It is kinda neat.
You know, that is something H has been trying to tell me about himself. That he just doesn't know who he is, who we are together, or anything. And he needs to find that out. I didn't understand what he meant at all until I started doing it. I was so wrapped up in being mom and wife, that there was no Kel that wasn't not wrapped up in that. People who have known me my entire life would say I know you, and I just wanted to scream at them, NO you don't. Not at all. How could you, I'm not sure myself. But I didn't really do that, I just kept plugging along stuck in the rut and hoping someday I would know. Wanna know something scary? H's GM, became a totally different woman after her H died. Everyone used the excuse well she can live her life now that he is gone (he was very abusive). But I don't want to live like that. She was in her 80's when she passed. He went 3 years before her. She was very sick the last year and a half. So out of 80+ years she was herself and happy for less than 2. She could have done it before then. But she didnt' know how because she accepted her role as the battered wife. She could have done it and still remained M, but she wouldn't or couldn't let herself.
Last edited by kelaaron; 11/30/0802:04 PM.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
Kel- One thing I have been guilty of, is I would tell myself, When I am thin I will do that. I can't do that cause I am not a size 5. I was walking out to get the mail the other day and it made me think, I have put doing stuff off because I wasn't small enough. Or buying a shirt or something, because I didn't want it if I wasn't tiny. I have been what I would call tiny, about 6 months out of my entire life. When I would lose weight I would stay at the low point for about a month before I would start to gain again. I need to let that go and live my life. At the moment I can't think of all of the things I have put off, but I know in my head there are things there. I think this goes with all of this, that I need to become more independent and live my life and enjoy it.
