Detach>Worse>Weird>Better ???

[Sophie]

I NEVER thought I'd be a member of the 'locked thread' group...cool

I can't figure out how create a nice link to my first thread
'Worse before Better?"

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1460274&page=1#Post1460274

[Sophie]

Snodderly,

You suggested,

As for Thanksgiving, put the invite out there and let him decide whether he wants to be a part of the family tradition. Put the ball back into his court for the day.

It's now Monday before Thanksgiving....I haven't heard any wishes from H's family (his mom and I had talked about Thanksgiving and she knew their family could plan whatever they wanted....) It's not unusual to not hear anything if their plans won't be including you.

Anyway..my text:

"Well...I haven't heard anything about Thanksgiving so d8 and I shopped 4 and plan to make Thanksgiving dinner"

I sent that 30 minutes ago.

And as you say...the ball is in his court now.

I am not in denial about H filing D papers 2 weeks ago...I am uneasy being friendly...maybe it's better said, I feel very guarded with my friendship and feelings...but, I do want to be approachable.

I think reality of D is hitting H...he isn't acting like 'being friends' is such an easy thing.

[Sophie]

UH_OH...

H responded to my Thanksgiving txt"

H:so i guess we need to discuss how this is going to go....


What am I supposed to say? I'm hoping you all will say DO NOT REPLY!!!


We have lawyers now...we shouldn't discuss anything, right????


Please...

[Sophie]

Okay...I have to reply to myself...

After calming down, and reading between the letters, I realize the ball that I intended to place in his court hit the net, so to speak....I really didn't say anything giving him a choice to show up or not. I just stated what the kids and I were doing. I was vague and avoided inviting him...I wanted him to just ask 'what can I bring'...oops...that's ME trying to control him!! SMACK 2x4!!

So...I ignored his query to 'dicuss' anything. I don't want to dicuss anything with him...that could lead to bad words.

So...I simply replied: I was just letting you know we would be home, by ourselves for Thanksgiving...didn't know if you were interested...that's all...k.


Right away H replied: k


NOW...the ball is in his court.

[job]

Sophie,
I had to chuckle about the "discussion" comment your h made. What's there to discuss? Thanksgiving comes once a year and you and your children have the day planned. Once you clarified for him that you were going to be home and if he was interested, he settled down again.

Now, if he comes over, no discussion about the divorce. This is to be handled by the two lawyers and for one day, keep things simple and light, if you can. Act as if. However, do not be surprised if he doesn't show up. They all come up with excuses every now and then not to come over. If he doesn't, that's okay. If he does, be on your best behavior and know that you are up for the Golden Globe Award for Best Actress.

I do hope that he'll consider coming over, but it shall be interesting to see what he will do.

Please take care of yourself.

[Sophie]

If he does, be on your best behavior and know that you are up for the Golden Globe Award for Best Actress.

Golden Globe!! Now, that's inspiration!! I'll pretend to be Jennifer Aniston...

I might be busy posting updates this Thursday....or not.

Last year, he avoided us...wouldn't answer the phone.

I seriously didn't intend to 'rile' him up, but I'm pretty sure my first message put him on a defense. I am cautious to extend any type of olive branch...but, unlike last May...it doesn't sting so much when the olive branch I offer gets snapped!!

Thanks for suggesting I go for the Globe!!!

[job]

Sophie,
There is always someone here on holidays. I'll be here for part of the day to offer support to those who are posting.

You stepping around mines in a mine field when it comes to his emotional state right now. That's why it was good that you clarified what you meant.

Plan you day as if he weren't coming and enjoy it with your family. He's the one that is losing out in the long run.

[Sophie]

Well...now, H may REALLY avoid Thanksgiving.

I don't know how the legal interchange btwn L's works...

My L called today....that was a relief.

My L seems to truly understand what I want to do at this time.

All I have to do is respond to the 'Complainer'....as opposed to a more aggressive approach of 'no...I AM going to counter and ask for a D based on...

My L said he had to make a phone call to H's L today... (I will read/work on/sign final draft next week)...

My L said he's going to tell H's L something like:
'She did not agree to seperation, nor does she feel there is no chance for reconciliation. However, she recognizes Complainer wants to do this and if it proceeds, she will file a 'cross bill' based on disertion'.

My L doesn't want to divulge anymore than that to H's L at this time.

But....what does H's L do? If this phone call is made today, will H's L call him about our intent?

I am thinking this next step is going to POP H's D bubble and plan to be friends.

And...Thanksgiving for H.

Kids and I'll be fine. We are alone 90% of the time anyway. We are used to it.

Th

[Sophie]

I feel like....dirt.


This response by L to D papers, although I am forced to do it, feels really bad inside me.

This is the first and only time, I have...on purpose, or premeditated, done anything negatively to my H.

[job]

Sophie,
You are going to have days when you feel like "dirt". Why? Because you are a human being and have true feelings and want to do the right thing. Trust me when I say this....right now, your h is out for himself and only himself. He is on one heck of an emotional coaster ride and that ride doesn't include you. You have to do what you must to protect yourself, your children and your financial assets. You do not want to go into the credit pit w/him.

I understand how you feel. Allow the emotions to wash over you and then rinse them off. It's time to think about the holiday and get moving! Your family needs your full attention right now. If your h opts to come great, if not....more food for you and your family.

Happy Thanksgiving!