No longer pedaling uphill...I'm just coasting now!

[Amy M]

So, I'm gonna stay here for a while...here in Newcomers!

SMW pointed that my papers aren't even filed. Maybe I shouldn't be so quick to move. And, Sandi and others said I was doing good and that was a success in itself, and maybe one that others would like to read about even if my M is ending. And, besides, LE said he'd stay here with me!!!

The link to my last thread...
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1657025

So, some journaling...

I realized just now that the tone and content of my posts has certainly changed over the last few weeks. I'm in a good place, and my focus is no longer on H and his doings and his R with OW. So, maybe that's why I'm in a good place!!! I guess I'm detaching.

Since he emailed the settlement on Thursday, he's not mentioned it. I saw him Friday for the pizza party, Saturday for the ballgame, and I talked to him on Saturday night and last night just briefly when he called to talk to the boys. He's very busy with work. I find that I don't really ask about his work anymore. He mentioned last night that he was tired. I simply said, "Well, hopefully you got a lot done this weekend, so, the week will be easier." He took it as a question and responded that they had worked all weekend long and were no where near done. But, that he thought they'd get finished. He's moving his office and warehouse into the new building and has until the 30th to get it done.

It's still hard to see him. But, friend said after he left on Friday night that I was amazing! She went further to say that it was a little awkward at times, but that the two of us seemed to be friends and that overall it was nothing like she expected. She's not seen the two of us together since he moved out. I find that funny...I don't know if she was expecting a fight...or crying...or just real weirdness. But, he's always been playful...always picking on folks...mostly me. And, he did that Friday just like always. Just like he did at the ballgame a few weeks back but without the poking, etc. He was careful this time to always stand across the room from me. So, there was absolutely no touching!

I remember a long time ago a friend saying that we were a fun couple to be around...that there was none of the awkwardness that she sometimes felt when she was with her friends and their husbands/boyfriends. I think that is what my friend felt on Friday night.

I had told him I wanted his stuff out of the house over Thanksgiving. He's not mentioned that either. I've been packing things...slowly but surely. I've stacked some boxes in the spare room. I'm not sure if I should mention them or just leave it alone. If he goes in there, it will be easy to tell that's what they are. The biggest reason for getting his stuff out was that he still had the key that I wanted back. But, since the day I told him that I wanted his stuff out so I could get the key back, he's not used the key. He's respected that boundary since then...so, I'm not sure whether or not to force the "move" issue.

I did email back when I received the settlement on Thursday that I could agree to the jist of his outline, but that this numbers were old. And, that the numbers would be updated when we filed to reflect current balances on that date. I told him if he wanted numbers that were closer to real, that we could sit down and discuss them (I've always done the banking at our house). I also made it clear that even though we were going to go with just one attorney (mine), that I expected him to go with me to do the filing. I reminded him that I couldn't support the divorce decision because I felt very strongly that we had not exhausted all the avenues for marriage restoration. So, I ended the email by telling him to let me know when would be a good day to sit down and when he thought he'd be ready to see the attorney. That was all in the email on Thursday, and he hasn't responded to any of that.

I keep putting the ball back in his court. That's where I want it to be...I want him to have to make the decision each time to move towards the divorce. I never want him to be able to say..."But, Amy wanted it too."

H did mention lunch on Thursday...so, I'm gonna fix something "fast, easy, and cheap" so we can eat together as a family. At Thanksgiving we always go around the table and tell something we are thankful for before we say our blessing. I thought I'd be thankful that we could all be together.

I'm going to my Grandmother's for Thanksgiving. I don't talk to her much, but she keeps up with me through my dad. I think I mentioned that no one (and I do mean no one) in my family is D. So, I don't know what Dad's told Grandmother about my sitch! My dad's side of the family is not very "open," so, I'm nervous a little about the trip. H was loved by my family. My Grandmother especially loved him and my aunt. But, my aunt knows the story...she's the one who came and helped paint my living room right after he moved. I just hope Grandmother knows enough that she doesn't ask me where he is as soon as I arrive...cause then I might have to make up some crazy story111 Just kidding...I'll be honest!!

I'm not in a hurry for anything to happen...I'm just coasting along. Coasting is so much better than trying to pedal furiously uphill. I'm feeling good; I've got some really fun things planned in the next few months; I'm liking myself; and my relationship with God is maturing! So, to steal a quote from another wise DBer..."It is what it is." And, I'm finally okay with that.

I hope everyone has a really terrific week. I don't think I'll have any internet access over the weekend (after Thursday morning)...until Saturday...cause my Grandmother doesn't do email!!! But, I'll be thinking of you all and praying for you all here while I'm away.

Love you guys!!!

Amy

[Babygirl]

Hey sis, I am so proud of you. you have gotten so strong! I think you are handling things perfect. keep throwing the ball back in his court good idea, gonna remember that for future reference!
Wow what will we do without you while your gone? who's gonna keep an eye on those trouble makers lol?
gonna get you some recipes together today!
love you

[Amy M]

I stopped at the house at lunch and noticed a large number of cars at the elderly couple's house across the street. As I started to leave, the woman from 2 houses down came over and informed me that the husband passed away yesterday afternoon.

I walked over to let her know that I would help with anything she needed (they are the one's who's nephew cut my grass this summer). She was sitting at the dining room table eating a sandwich with her 3 daughters and her niece. She wasn't crying...altough her eyes were red.

I said, "I'm so sorry. If there's anything at all I can do for you, please don't hesitate to let me know." She smiled and said, "He's in a better place. He didn't suffer. And, I'll see him soon."

WOW!!! What words of faith...I was so touched. That's what I want my family to feel when I go. She did say as I was leaving that we'd take care of each other.

I realized as I headed to the car...on my street there are 3 single moms (counting me) a widow and a vacant house. We do need to be taking care of each other for sure. I'm making that one of my goals...to do a better job looking out for the woman in my neighborhood.

Amy

[Babygirl]

oh amy thats just so sad!! its amazing how she was seeing it, even in sadness. thats how i felt when my grandparents died.

your neighborhood yes it sounds like ya'll need to keep an eye on eachother. on my road, theres us, gma and ron (not my gma but she adopted me, her husband is very sickly) her daughter and hs age son. 3 houses, my H is gone all day til dark, so gma and i do patrol lol! it sure makes us close!

[TxMomw/2girls]

Amy,

checking in .. I'm so proud of you.. you seem to be in a good place and yes.. no rush just hang tight...

Your weekend seems to be packed and that will be nice. I have family coming in Wednesday ... I haven't decided if I'm going to see H or have the kids see him on Thanksgivig for a few hours or not yet... I kind of want him to just have his alone time for the first time since he moved... he will be leaving on Friday to meet up with OW.... I updated my post on infidelities site...

sorry I've been out of touch.. I need to go on FB and look at your pictures from the race... I will catch up over the holiday since I'll have family and help...

HUGS>>>>

[Tawnya]

{{{Amy}}} So glad you got a new thread going..I was missing hearing about your day

Sounds like you are doing so well..I still wanna be you when I grow up

That's so sweet that you and all of your neighbors will take care of each other..and that's a great goal for you to have as well!

Hope you have a great and relaxing time over the weekend my friend

Tawnya

[Tawnya]

{{Amy}} So you are the one poor sap in the world who had to work today eh? LOL..just kidding..I'm off today too tho (wink)..but only because I was scheduled off cause I'm working the next 4 days..

Hope you are having a good day

Tawnya

[Amy M]

Hey, Tawnya!!! It's quiet here today so it's not too bad!! And, I have the next 4 days off...ha-ha-ha!!!

I've had a couple of disagreements with H over S6 and his attitude/behavior in the past couple of days. Those frustrate me more than anything. H explained to me last night that the issues are likely related to an injury that S6 received on Saturday night.

Now, I'm not sure how the two are related at all...the scrape on S6's face occurred when he ran into a fence playing chase with friends in the dark! He broke his glasses, and the store had to order the new frames. So, he's got a scrape and no glasses. But, he's been angry and sad (actually crying a lot) every night this week. Hmmmm...he hasn't mentioned the scrape at all since Saturday night!

In the 2nd place, I'm not sure why H thinks it's such a big deal anyway...he's not even seen the scrape...how can he comment on the severity of it?

Could it be that S6 is down a little cause it's the holidays, the annual trip to my Grandmother's, his birthday tomorrow, and his dad is living in another place and has apparently decided that life without me and without the kids 66% of the time is better than life in our house with us? Surely not...I mean, afterall, S6 has a scrape next to his eye!

I was so mad last night I actually told the man that I was sorry I had mentioned it and that I would be dealing with the issues my children were facing on my own in the future. Then, I hung up on him!

I did text later to apologize...just for the harsh words...not for the disagreement or for my concern for my child, and he responded reiterating that the injury was likely the cause...and that I "shouldn't be concerned."

WOW!!! The more time that passes, the less I like him!

Other than that, he's coming by to drop off the b'day present for S6 this afternoon before he picks the kids up. We got a joint gift, and since H had to put it together last night (mind you he's known what he was getting for at least a week now), he was late calling the boys. Then had the nerve to be irritated at me because I told him that he'd have to call the house phone since i was on the cell when he called 30 minutes later than his time slot. That's what started the argument, I guess. When I told him that I needed him to call the house phone, I said, "Hey, H, can I get you to call the house phone. I wasn't expecting your call this late. I need you to talk to S6...he's having a tough time tonight." H said, "Why do I need to call the other phone?" I said, "Cause I'm on this one." He actually said something like, "Well, I'm only late calling cause I had to put together the b'day gift. I guess I could have left that to you to do. You should be thankful." To which I replied, "I am thankful...I just don't have time to talk to you now because I wasn't aware you'd be calling, and I'm on the phone with a friend."

How completely stupid that was!! The rest of the argument ensued after he talked to the kids and I got back on the phone.

At any rate, I'll meet him to help unload the gift. We are putting it in the spare room, so, he'll see the boxes of his things stacked. I don't know if he'll mention them or not.

Tomorrow, I'm fixing lunch...he'll be over with the boys at 11:00, and the boys and I will be in the car ready to leave by 1:00. So, 2 hours tops together as a family. I hope that will go okay.

S6 did finally talk to me a little last night. He wanted to know who we knew that was divorced and whether or not there was anyone in our family with a divorce. I'm careful when I talk on the phone, but I wondered after we talked if he hadn't overhead me mention to someone the settlement that I received on Thursday. The timing of this sad spell might be related to that or it might be related to his birthday and Thanksgiving...I don't know for sure. But, I was glad he finally talked about it a little, and we know more divorced people than he realized after we discussed it.

So, I'm good...I'm still in my happy place, but I am definitely beginning to really question the choice I made so many years ago. Surely, he was a different person then...cause if I had it all to over again now, I'm thinking I would not consider a 2nd date much less a marriage!!!

I hope everyone has a decent Thanksgiving. Remember to focus on what you are thankful for rather than what things are wrong in your life! We do all have so much!!!! I'm reminded of that daily, and you all are on my list for sure!!!

Love you!
Amy

[marriedCrazy]

Happy Thanksgiving Amy..have safe travels....

And when you reach mile marker 11....well ya know..

[Amy M]

You too, MC! Be safe.

((((Tom))))

Amy