For the Guy with Kids and a WW Vinte (20)

[hopeful4her]

Number 19.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1646928&page=1&fpart=1


Number 20. Wow!

Last couple of posts

I agree. Time to pull back again. WAYYYY back. Let her miss you a little.

Puppy

Yep, that's what I meant by that one statement you asked about...pull wayyyyyyyy back and I do think she should be taking equal amount of time picking them up from your house as well (the house you both lived in). Make sure your house is full of happiness when she comes. Show the strong, funny, great dad h4h when she stops to get the kids. Focus on the kids. Focus on your job. Stay away from the parasites. Make dinner, do laundry, play some board games with the kids, do a family project, etc. together. Focus on that. She will want to be a part of that!!!! She will see it, hear about it, ...want it.

hey H4H,

How Ya doing? WDID has great advice.
I am here in our time share by myself BUT...Tomarrow W will be here... Our first real by ourselves date..
We will get through this buddy.. keep the faith

Doc

Puppy, I assume you've kept up a little, just haven't said much. Thank you.

Beej, I plan on pulling back as much as I can and have less focus on my sitch. More focus on me. And my kids.

At least pulling back as much as possible with the holidays here. Not sure if agreeing to having Thanksgiving together was such a hot idea.

It perpetuates her original thinking that we'll still do all the family holiday stuff together, just not BE together. She had told my ex SIL this and even she thought she was deluded.

And yet, here we are. Spending Halloween together, spending Thanksgiving together and quite possibly Christmas.

Just not sure what the right thing is concerning this.

Doc, I am actually doing really good. Sounds like your doing VERY well. Thats great. I know you've worked hard. I will keep that faith.

I had to come into work today. My girls did not want to go to grandma's last night, so they stayed home today.

BTW, thanks for the chat, Yenko.

Need to figure what we are gonna do today. Someone told me about a local University that has a big deal of lighting Christmas lights and I think the Riverwalk should be lit soon.

And OF COURSE!

As I'm writing this, the wife responded to the last email that I sent to her last night. I'm sure she left work just before I sent it. The last one I sent was in response to her having "blonde moments" all day and that she just got my "lasagna" joke. I told her she was goofy, and made reference to her "new" dye job, that I don't particularly care for, and asked why she was still at work.

She just sent me,

"Hey, you don’t have to agree with me silly, lol I had to stay late yesterday"

She is trying to be playful?

How can I not respond?

Don't respond, don't respond.

Right?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Right.

[hopeful4her]

Puppy, you ruin everything.

Don't you realize I get off to self inflicted pain?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I'm starting to, yes.

[karen43]

Puppy's right AND you know he's right. I'm just responding to H's emails re: the kids. It drives him a little buggy I think. Yesterday in re: to a question about the kids this weekend I just replied back Yep! Then he emails back Cool! The next thing I want to work on is not emailing right back, maybe waiting a couple hours or even a day if it's not that important.

I think are you scared you will lose your W or something like that if you pull back? B/c really I think what do you have now? You deserve better! It could go either way, and I think either would be better than the kind of R you have now. I know I'm being unbelievably judgmental, but just kind of the place I'm in now... Karen

[hopeful4her]

karen, I AM of afraid of losing her 100%.

Right now, we have been developing a relationship again, I think. At least baby steps towards it.

The wife did call me today. The first time was after I got home and I was kind of chilling. She was going over her benefits at work. Asking about this and if she should get that. Short term disability. Keeping a family dental, in case S14 needs braces. I talked about the insurance that I have that she is included on. If she should keep vision. She is increasing her life insurance,

"But don't kill me yet."
I said, "I won't. At least, not yet. I have to wait until the benefit changes."

She asked me about some other benefits she had thought about and I advised her not to. I asked if she had insurance on me and she said that yes, she does. We were on the phone for about 20 minutes going over her stuff. She had to go and she said she would call the girls when she got out.

She did call back as we were leaving to go into town and go to Target. I had told D11 that I would get her the "Twilight" book. I answered and she started to ask me if I knew anyone that wanted to buy tamales.

"BUY tamales?"
"Yeah, I'm going to make some more and sell them for $7 a dozen. I'm going to make bean and cheese and jalapeno, chicken, beef and deer."
"Really? I don't know. I guess I'll ask around."
"Ok. Can I talk to the girls?"

Only one person she is going to get deer from. Mr Hunter himself.

After D11 hung up, she told me that her mom told her that she was going to be off everyday except Monday. And that they might go shopping for a tree. A fake one, because the real ones shed so much.

The wife HAD told me that she was only taking off Friday and that the girls might spend the night Thursday so she could go hit sales that day. I got invited to a friends house for another dinner that we would all bring a dish to and that kids were invited. I was thinking of taking the girls that night after we all get off work. About 5 of us. Not sure what I'll do.

That one little statement screwed up the whole rest of my evening. "...and deer." I mean totally messed it up. All I could think about was them. The nice little life they have when she doesn't have the kids. And here I am. Lonely as hell. I had a really good day with the girls. A good night too. I made dinner. D7 helped me make cookies. I still had an emotional night. Feelings of hopelessness. Of rejection. Loneliness. The F'ing loneliness.

And I know she read my email tonight. For some reason, that brought me some peace.

Odd. It felt like a release, knowing she read it and watched the video. All of a sudden I felt better.

Is that odd?

Tomorrow is another day. I'm gonna pick up something to bbq and she can come pick up the kids tomorrow.

[InLikeFlynn]

I would have put her on the spot....:Deer Meat" where did you get that?"

I would also watch for a day or part of a day that she might want to go spend Thanksgiving with "Wonderboy". Wed on... I would think. Try not to be to helpful watching the kids unless you are sure she is doing watch she says shes is!!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

As soon as she said " . . . and deer," I would have said "Well, I have no idea, hon. Why don't you ask whoever it is that's going to be providing you with the deer meat?"

And then thought of a GAL excuse to end the phone call.

I'm sorry you had a rough night, H4H. I did like this, tho:

"But don't kill me yet."
I said, "I won't. At least, not yet. I have to wait until the benefit changes."

That's pretty F-ing funny!!!

Puppy

[hopeful4her]

ILF,

It seems as though she has gotten a little comfortable telling me things. Like, she has stopped living a lie. Just like when I asked if she needed help with the bed and she told me, without much provocation, that she was going to borrow HIS truck.

She could have just said that she had it taken care of. In that instance and last night, it would just be me being snarky.

She's being honest with me. Is that good in a weird way.

I don't plan on helping her this week. No reason for me to. The only day she said she was going to do something was on Friday. She has, not including last year, always taken that day to go shopping like everyone else.

She had mentioned last week about them just staying here overnight on Thurs. I have to work, so they should just go back to the apartment with her. I have something to do after work myself.

[hopeful4her]

Pup,

I've always been accused of sarcasm and snarky in our relationship. Since the crap started, I've had to control it when I'm presented an opportunity.

But when I'm having fun with her, different story. I'm having to keep showing her my funny side. Something that she always complained I didn't do enough of. I didn't make her laugh enough. HE does.

So I try to be as witty as I can with her. Funny how I have to WORK at it with her. I've thought and thought about that. I AM a pretty funny guy, I just think she doesn't get my humor.

Pretty sure it's her. I have to dumb it down for her.