Hi - summary Me A 8 months 2005 2 x Physical. I denied it. H left and came back for next 2 years I Told truth April 08 H moved back in April 08 H moved back out Aug 08
Since then I have had oodles of advice . I am trying to Db and do 180
3 weeks ago H informed me he was going out with another W Friend only - Hmmmmm. I go no contact and send him list of boundries.
Today i had a meltdown and I called H. He came to me and spent 2 hours holding me , telling me how I need to move on etc etc. He also said lots of mean things, he probably did not mean them too be cruel but they were. I recognise the behaviour as when I had OM.
I am sooooo down. I have to go away with friends tomorrow to Aussie and I cannot keep anything down in my stomach. I know I have to go and have fun. Nothing I can do.
H is minding kids once he is back from poker tournament. He does not like staying in the house now ? He said make the guest bed up as he wont sleep in our bed ? He said get the house fixed so we can sell ? He said after I had sent him the list of boundries that he went back to his councillor who advised him not to buy into my pain? I have been with this guy 30 years , how can he not feel my pain. He said ..... I would love it if you contacted OM again and got him to leave his wife and then dump him ?????? but you cant have sex with him? Or we both sit down with OM and his W and tell OMW the truth ( she does not know )?
Have I lost H to a darker side? or have I just lost H
Today the day before i go to Sydney I have another meltdown.
It's obvious your H still hasn't forgiven you. Both of you have reached the same places but just at different times. The only thing you can do is ride things out and let the negative feelings between both of you start to calm down a bit.
It's definitely hard. Coming from the POV of a H who found out his wife was having an EA, I have moments of strong anger and resentment for my wife and OM that come out even when I thought I was at peace. We're only human.
Do what you need to do to get the pain out of your system. Cry,yell, whatever. The trip will do you good.
Have patience and someday soon you'll both come to a neutral place where the feelings aren't as raw and then you can be honest and start actually talking "to" one another about your sitch and not "at" each other.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
It is also my hope that you were able to put your H out of your thoughts for a couple of days.
I want to thank you for checking in on me....
Take care of yourself, your friend....
Sanderika
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
I am back. Sydney was great. spent time shopping and lying on Bondi beach. Great city.
Personally I was not great company. Very depressed. Poor friend who was with me. I had a meltdown on the Friday and had H come see me. It was horrible. I hope it was rock bottom. I still have shgakey adrenalin feelings.
It is horrible thinking that he is giving attention and talking to another woman. He said she is just good company, but it is eating me alive. I just cant get on with my life. It is consuming. I have started taking st johns wart to help but then have left the bottle on sydney. So off to buy some more.
A couple of things that i need to address is H need to confront other man. He wants to do it once I move out of the area. It hangs over me. It makes the A on going. i may not move out of this area for a year. I thihnk i will encourage H to confront now.
Not sure of his reasoning for confronting . it is 1 of 2 things
1. He wants OM marriage to fall apart ( OMW does not know full extent of affair )
2. He wants OM to know that he knows thre full truth ( OM thinks it is his and my little secret and that our spouses know nothing )
I have detailed A to H in minute detail and to the best of my ability. My concern is that some of that minute detail is different or less than or more than OM and H will think I am still lying. Also have fear that OMW will come to my home and confront me in front of the kids.
I just don't see this getting any better once he confronts the OM. He's only wanting to settle a score and repair his wounded pride. Confrontation will not provide any long term benefit, at least in my opinion.
I wish there was some other way to help him past your A and put your M back together.
YOUR H is in the MIDDLE of an affair...and he wants to confront the person YOU had an affair with...??? WTF?
Why don't you make a plan that goes something like you and your OM and his wife and your H and his OW and whomever she's attached to all go out for dinner and bowling. And then everyone can confront each other.
No offense, M, but your husband belongs on Jerry Springer at this point...(dunno if you have that down under)
I do NOT understand why you are taking this from him or why it is exactly you are so so upset about him? Do you really love him THAT much? Or are you just freaking out about being alone?
I dont know. Generally a strong person, i seem to of gone to pieces over this. I am consumed with jealousy and everywhere I look there are couples. I have this gut eating feeling all the time.
Someone tell me this will go away !
I am taking St Johns Wart and sleeping tablets.
I want him to confront OM just so this A is over and this whole thing about confronting him is done and I can move on. Not sure of H reasoning for facing him or what he hopes to achieve and it will bounce back on kids and it will hurt another family and just before christmas.
I dont know. Generally a strong person, i seem to of gone to pieces over this. I am consumed with jealousy and everywhere I look there are couples. I have this gut eating feeling all the time.
Someone tell me this will go away !
I am taking St Johns Wart and sleeping tablets.
I want him to confront OM just so this A is over and this whole thing about confronting him is done and I can move on. Not sure of H reasoning for facing him or what he hopes to achieve and it will bounce back on kids and it will hurt another family and just before christmas.
Why did i do it !!!!!
Why is HE doing it?????
WTF is going on here??? If you want to move on... MOVE ON!!!!
Read my post again. It is INSANE for him to want to confront a man who had an affair with you while HE is HAVING AN AFFAIR.
Read that 10 times in a row, M!!!!
Sorry to be the 2x4 lady here, but I can't help it.
I guess I need to go back and read your old threads...but if you LOVED this man so so so much, than why were you with an OM. And now you can't live without him? Something is not adding up here. You are more upset than all the other LBS's who didn't even think anything was wrong. It just doesn't compute to "love" to me. Being consumed with jealousy isn't love...it's possessiveness.
I'm not trying to hurt you here, I am desperately trying to understand this. How much of this is about you and taking another hit to your ego, and how much of it is about loving H?
I think you are right. It is all about wanting someting i cant have. I cannot seem to shake this feeling off.
I have been with H since i was 16. I have never ever gone through a break up before.
I had an A because OM gave me the attetion I sought. H always worked - not that , that is an excuse. I never ever dreamed H would leave me. Thought his love was solid and I gambled and lost. Bad bad decision but adecision all the same.
If I really feel this pain , I cannot describe what it is
