I try to every night, all in vain...in vain

[Sugar and Spice]

Still stickin' with my "Freak on a Leash." I do love that song.

Kids have gotten over whatever but they had. Yesterday DS had football practice from 8-11 and then we had the All-Star game at 1pm. He didn't get to play, but got his medal. We ended up staying for the whole game and the Northern conference won in triple over-time for the first time in 5 years. We are part of the N conference so it was pretty cool. H showed up in time to watch DS get his medal and then stayed for the 2nd 1/2 of the game. He and DS hung out down on the field and seemed to have a really good time. It was the first time in a long time that he was genuinely "nice" and like his old self. He actually called me after the game and told me how much he had enjoyed "hanging out" and he also told DS the same thing.

I think the Troll may actually be in labor. She is having contractions but they aren't steady. She goes back to the Dr. tomorrow for another stress test and if nothing happens with that, then Wednesday morning they are going to induce her.

So this long journey will be coming to an end and as scared as I am about what this will all mean for my DD and our future, I'm relieved that at least now there can be some movement. Its seemed like a lifetime since the bomb was dropped.

Looking forward to going to Vegas and watching DS play. I think this team has a good chance of winning.

[kat727]

Glad your son got to share a good moment with his "actual" Dad and not the one that seems to be lurking. As for Troll, you will deal with it when you know or you can make your decision now...do you want him regardless?

You are soo ,much stronger than you give yourself credit for and you have come such a long way. Just a little bit further my flying monkey friend. Hang in there.

kat

[Sugar and Spice]

As for Troll, you will deal with it when you know or you can make your decision now...do you want him regardless?
kat

As always, I just can't answer that question. So much would have to change and I'm not sure hes up to the challenge. Things can't ever go back to what they were before, which is probably a good thing, but I would need to SEE the effort being made.

There isn't much longer to go, you are right and I'll hang in there but for what...I'm not sure anymore.

The Wizard was on last night and we watched it. I love that movie. It always takes me back to the happier part of my childhood, when things weren't so damn complicated. Thanks Kat.

[lost_in_space]

(((S&S)))

Methinks thou (sorry, s13 is doing some homework - Romeo and Juliet)...

Ok, I think you need to stand back a bit and think about the question kat asked. What are your boundaries as a starting point? For your sake I think you should have these ready to go.

I just don't want you to be hurt anymore...

Take care.

[Sugar and Spice]

Lost and Kat, surprisingly enough there are only a few things that come readily to my mind.

I know that there cannot be any contact between my children and this baby until paternity is established, my DD has been told and then only if THEY CHOOSE to have contact. I will not have any contact with this child either (this sounds so aswful, but I'm not sure if I will be able to anyway...). I know that once this child is here, then H will have to be proactive about getting the testing done and moving this thing along one way or the other.

You'd think I would have a laundry list of things and I do, but they are so far out at this point that I need not mention them now. I guess for the interim, I will just have to see what actions H takes before I can really decide what I'm going to do.

This whole thing makes me sick inside.

[kat727]

Sweetie, don't put the ball in his court. You need to say to yourself: Do I want him back; yes or no. If no end of story, done deal. If yes, it gets more complicated: In what capacity do I want him back ie, friends, husband or simply as a partner to raise our children? Then you will need to set the rules for what you are wanting. If he can't do any of it ...well that is another can of beans but if he can...you need to know where you stand.

Your old marriage is gone. Sorry if that sounds awful but really you wouldn't want to go back to what led to this betrayal. Think about what you would want and if he gets that far, talk about what changes you both need to see in each other. Thankfully the answer to my first question was no once the divorce became final for me. And there is no turning back now that he is bringing me down with him financially.

I answered that yes you could have the recipe, do you want it on your thread, my thread or on FB?

kat

[kat727]

Corey the recipe is on my thread.

kat

[Sugar and Spice]

You need to say to yourself: Do I want him back; yes or no. If no end of story, done deal. If yes, it gets more complicated: In what capacity do I want him back ie, friends, husband or simply as a partner to raise our children? Then you will need to set the rules for what you are wanting.

The short answer is yes. The complications mount from there. I'm not sure WHAT capacity that I want with/from him. Right now there is just NO thinking about anything other than a sort of friendship/co-parenting thing.

Unless or until there is more information about the baby and that whole mess, this is the only R that is feasible for us.

If he can't do any of it ...well that is another can of beans but if he can...you need to know where you stand.

That remains to be seen.

Your old marriage is gone. Sorry if that sounds awful but really you wouldn't want to go back to what led to this betrayal. Think about what you would want and if he gets that far, talk about what changes you both need to see in each other.

I have said this same thing from the start. We can't ever go back to the old marriage and that is probably a good thing. We won't ever be those people again. Our old M is what in large part got us here. We have actually talked about how we would like to see things change to make our M better if we were to give it another try. Obviously the gambling would have to stop and he would need to either go NC with the Troll if the baby isn't his or set up some mututally agreeable co-parenting if it is. I am open to working on things, but I won't do it alone.

If I do end up moving on, I'll be able to do it with a clear conscience and the knowledge that I did everything I could to save it and it just wasn't up to me.

Please feel free to post the recipe wherever it works best for you and thanks for giving it to me.

[hopeful4her]

Suga, just wanted to say hi. Haven't posted to ya' in a while. So much baloney going on in our lives, but you do sound better.

Hope you have a great week coming up.

[Sugar and Spice]

The Troll is on her way to the hospital to spew forth her spawn. I'll keep you all informed.