My husband adamately won't give me access to his cell phone bills and has passworded his phone since he has moved back home. He still has to work with the other woman. How do I truly know that it is over? Is he not ready yet? Or is he hiding something?
He and she are both musicians. Occasionally they have public gigs, but he doesn't want me there. He tells me "I don't come to your job or that it will rub our relationship in the other woman's face. Why does he continue to hurt me and keep me in the closet?
Taking it Day by Day. There's gotta be a light at the end of this dark tunnel.
I know from my end, I am not trying to hide anything from my wife. I had an affair, I ended it, but I feel that at anytime the OW could call or e-mail and my W would see it. Then I would have to explain the OW contacting me and opening that can of worms could destroy all that i have work so hard to get back. It's not a lot right now, but any little hiccup could be damaging. As far as him not wanting you to come to the gigs, it could be that he is afraid of what the other woman would do that could harm your situation. I would think he would try to find something different so he wouldn't have to be around her, but it may not be that easy.
I know it is hard, hang in there. If something is going on it will come out.
My H was worried that if I had any contact with OW, OW would lie and hurt the rebuilding of our M. I explained to my H that trust was a two way street and he had to trust that I would be able to see the truth from the lies....and that hiding stuff would only breed suspicion. He then made everything 100% open and I was involved in contact with OW and OW also knew that I saw all previous correspondence etc when she tried to get my H to leave me and be with her. She soon cleared off.
I know, in the beginning, even though my H was breaking off with OW, he didn't want her to be more upset than was necessary....he seemed to think more anbout her feelings than mine....but that soon changed.
Give it a while and see if your H relaxes about it all. If he doesn't I would then want to know why.
You could try reading some books about healing from infidelity with him so that he can see what it is recommended happen in order to rebuild trust - my H found that very useful....but then my H was really committed to repairing our M and he wasn't all defensive about things.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Thanks saffie and no_LRT_yet. I want to hold on, but it seems like the day of 100% open book and total trust building will never come especially with them still working together. He doesn't understand why I can't get over it, but the secrecy has raised suspicion and insecurity and doubts in my mind as whether I would invest in staying. You words encourage me to hang on and look at it from a different perspective.
Taking it Day by Day. There's gotta be a light at the end of this dark tunnel.
