Starting a new thread because the old one is about to be locked... Last thread: Last Thread
Taking many of my posts over the last two days and combining them into one because I did alot of streaming thoughts's /events in many threads...
W called me from work. I'm not answering. She only calls when she wants to confront me with something. Normally she would email for casual talk. Prob wants the money for the lawyer or a baby sitter. W sends email and wants to sign on 11/24. Looks like time is runnig out. I replied w/ Puppy's response.
W replies: I understand H. I really do. I just don't think I will be 100% in it (fear of the future) and that's not fair to you. ME: I understand. Those are your feelings and they are valid. I' not trying to argue your feelings. It was just something I had to say. What kind of bothers me is her "it's not fair to you" response. There is no way she can feel like that w/ the way she is acting.
W also responds "I really wish I felt differently". Do you, really? OK, this has just gotten insane...... I think techguy's IC was right on... here is our last exchange..... -------------------------- W: appointment set up for Monday November 24th at 6:00 to sign papers ME: I'm thinking of setting up my own appointment. I want to take the time to go thru everything and ask questions. W: you dont want me there? ME: Nothing more than I wrote. W: that's what we will do that day ME: Sounds like you want me there with you. Why? W: so we both know everything we need to know. ME: Not sure I follow that. I'll let you know what I'm going to do. (W calls, I don't answer) W: call me ME: Sorry, w. I'm not going to do that. W: so now you're not talking to me? what did I do? this is exactly why I decided to go this route. you cant stop hurting me! you just cant.
How was this hurting her? I haven't replied to this. She's just a F*cking manipulator.
W now sends this email about how I hurt her: "trying to talk to you and you dont want to talk to me.... why dont you want to talk about the appointment? there are things that I cant say "correctly" through email."
W calls. Her complaint was it would cost more money to go separately. How is that something that can’t be explained “correctly” thru email?
I'm tired of being manipulated..... W starts exchange again...
W sends another email....
W: you still chose to be the way you have always been. Im the one paying for all of this and you refuse to give me any money, but yet you want to schedule a meeting without me there. this all pertains to me too! you cant keep things from me, just as I havn't from you. you are choosing to be difficult and give me a hard time now. I will call my lawyer and discuss with him private meetings that I WILL NOT pay for. I cant afford what I have already paid for (no help from you even though you said you would pay half). thanks for nothing. ME: I'm allowed to disagree.
All this because I don't want to hold hands and walk into the L's office?
This is some BS. She WILL NEVER change her impression of me. She is acting like a child. why is did she decide yesterday and schedule an appointment for the day I get back in town? W is like this, everything in a hurry. ------------------- I don't think I'm being old A right now. I need to protect myself if I'm signing D papers. It would be foolish not to ask questions. Questions my W doesn't know to ask. Or questions that may hurt her feelings. Or have her try to pressure me into something. It's not right in my opinion. ---------------- Just want to point out that my W is having the behavior control issues. She's now just making snide remarks like "I will think what I want to think because now I can". WTF does that mean? If I disagree, all hell breaks loose. She has anger issues. All her anger, for everything in her life, is directed at me.
Is there any element of creating chaos when there isn't any? W doing that I mean. As you've gotten more and more in control of yourself...I think she finds this threatening. Threatening probably isn't the right word...off balance I guess.
I just see some fight-picking going on with her. I could be wrong, so don't take that to the bank or anything.
A, and LE, that is an interesting question... I don't think there is an easy answer in reference to how we DB and its effect on our W's if they are, indeed, BPD.
However, I think the pertinent thing to consider is that DB'ing is for us as individuals. We need to put ourselves in a better place to live our lives. How that, in turn, affects the behavior of our wives is a collateral effect. We have no control over their actions whether we DB or not. So if do not DB to save our selves, but we stay with these women; we have gained nothing. If we DB, and these women leave us; we have gained ourselves back. If we DB, and these women come around; we have reached our ultimate goal.
Is there any element of creating chaos when there isn't any? W doing that I mean. As you've gotten more and more in control of yourself...I think she finds this threatening. Threatening probably isn't the right word...off balance I guess.
I just see some fight-picking going on with her. I could be wrong, so don't take that to the bank or anything.
She totally picked a fight because she didn't get he way. She's always dramatic. When I disagree w/ her I'm controlling. W just can't accept another POV (w/ me anyway). She bends over backward for her friends/family and they treat her like crap. Then, in turn, she treats me/kids like garbage.
Seeing all these negative traits and it makes it easy to go dark. I be dark until we go sign papers. This is more toward self preservation. I can't do ANYTHING put agree with everything she says or there will be hell to pay.
W sent me a few texts last night trying to start a conversation. I didn't reply. Just done with her BS.
