WE are officially busted! my Hubby is back at home and we are working on our marriage a lot. in fact this week has been the roughest yet..i backslid and totally rehashed how much hurt he put me through (not getting me cheese). i continued to try and get him to react (still no cheese) and i have been off my rocker.
i guess i have to just realize that my H will go at his own pace and he doesn't want to rush things for us and have us slip back into old patterns. That just makes me feel like he is waiting for us to slip back...and i did.
so i realized i need to get my butt in gear and stop whining to him or reacting. i need to care about myself again and not how much he is hurt or sad, etc. i really need to hear him and validate what he is saying no matter what.
we are trying to make so many life changes that i totally got wrapped up in that and wanted to move, change jobs, etc. yet something has stopped him in his tracks and he needs us to slow own. UGH.
that is hard for me and i feel like he is taking lots of steps back. maybe thats art of the process.
BUT i have to look at thre big piuvture! we areback togther- he is at home every morning and night.
i need to recall all my DB skills. PMS, GAL, etc.
i learned that these two statements are true.
an idle mind is the devils workshop and
analysis paralysis!
we also had our first couples therapy session with a solution focused therapist and it was ok- brought up a lot of stuff. but that has to happen in order to move forward. ill just hope the next session is more solutions and how to move on. not look back.
anyway- for any one who is struggling out there please click my name and read all my posts - i have been through this H*LL too- and this DB'ing stuff really works. not easy but it works. and you have to continue to do it forever. just to know that this is out there has kept me sane. otherwise we may still be separated or worse.
xo xo P
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
We are all in need of a success story right now. I know I have read some of your more recent threads, but will go back and read the older ones too.
DB really should be taught in real life, prior to any relationships. I think if we had a clue what to expect in real life there wouldn't be so many divorces/separations! Too much tv/movie relationships that make it look too easy. You are right that it will always be a battle to GAL and PMA- I guess this is what makes us healthy people.
Being healthy ourselfs allows us to have good relationships. It seems so clear to me now how sick and needy I was before.
Anyway- I am soo happy for you! You have what we all hope for- a live at home spouse. Enjoy him! I hope that your C sessions go well and that you are able to make peace with the issues that brought you here.
Me-36 H-30 T-7yr, M-3yr DivorceBusting Saved my marriage! sep 6-08 to 12-08. Together again, things are good!
Pisces!! Good to hear from you again and so glad things are working out for you. Thanks for catching us up!
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
YEAY Pisces!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE Busted stories!!!
I am so glad that things are going so great with you. Not perfect but REAL!!! And that you have learned things from DB/DR is fantastic and so helpful and motivating!!!!
