For the Guy with Kids and a WW Neunzehn(19)

[hopeful4her]

Link to last one,


http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1631093&page=1&fpart=1


My last post,

Okey dokey.

Here I was. Sitting at home not doing a damn thing and my cell phone rings at about 3:45. Of course, I know its the wife because of the ringer. She is calling me from the apartment. I decide not to answer it. I didn't WANT to answer it. I even talk to myself,
"Good Lord, why is she calling? Just let it be. I was fine and now she has to call me. What the hell does she want to tell me?"

She leaves a VM. I take a breath and listen.

"Hey, its Clarissa. I was just wondering where you were. I was... uh... going to ask you if you could come stay with the kids while I go pick up the beds.....umm(sighs)....in my PATHFINDER......or whatever car I have. Ummm... call me if your still in town, if your not then....don't worry about it. Talk to you later. Bye"

We owned a Pathfinder several years ago. She has a Rodeo.

Like a dork, I grab my keys and head to my car to take off. I was not going to return her call from the house. I wanted her to think I was out and about. I call her back,

"Hey, I didn't hear your call."
"Hi."
"What happened?" I asked.
"Oh, I DIDN'T get it after all" she tells me in a frustrated voice with a smidge of anger. She is talking about the truck.
"Welllll, why don't we both go pick it up. Take both cars and we can load one bed on yours and the other on mine."
She thinks for a second.
"Okay. Thats fine" she says.
"Do you have Juli?" I ask her.
"Yes, she's here. I'm just waiting for Amanda to come home. Where are you?"
"I'm around the 410 and Bandera area". I'm such a liar.
"Oh, then forget it."
"I was headed home that way anyway."
"Well...Okay. Then.. I'll see you here."
"I'll be there in about 20. Bye."

Sounds like trouble, maybe. Why wouldn't she have gotten his truck? Not help her? The kids would have been fine at the apartment. It would have been like a regular day at work for her, and the kids being at the apartment. She may have called me knowing I would offer my help, but I don't think she thinks that far ahead. She's not the type to try to manipulate me. She would not want to portray herself as needing help. At least, not to me. All she wants me to see is the "I can do all this crap all by myself. I don't need ANYONE" part of her.

And besides, she knows that I can read right through her.

I get there, and I have fun with Juli. I check her homework. We wait for Amanda to get to the apartment. She finally gets there but decides to stay at the apartment to wait for her brother. Juli wants to go with us. With the wife and I sitting together in the living room, Amanda was real surprised to see me. "What are you doing here?"
"What? Do you want me to leave?" The wife and I look at each other.

All of us talking in the living room, at one point, the wife looks at me, looks at her watch, looks at her room and says, "No. I have the day off. I was thinking about blowing it off, but I just need to get it done." I agreed with her. "Lets just go get it" I tell her.

We head over to her boss's house in both vehicles. We get there and decide to put the mattress set on top of her car. I load them up and tie them down. She gets a couple calls that goes to VM. We talk about gas prices and she says that she might stop to get some gas at the Wallymart we have to pass. She looks at the job I did and then looks at me. I look at her.

We both know that I ain't no Boy Scout. I had a Christmas tree flip off the top of the car once and hang by the rope off the back. Talk about laughing our ass off. It made it home though.

I say a little prayer to myself and we head out. She calls me and says that she'll skip stopping and just get her gas tomorrow. We get to the apartment, I look at the mattress's on top of her vehicle, I look at her and give her the "Not too bad" look. She looks at me and smiles. She gives me the "your a dork" look. She helps me untie it and take it down, but I take them both to the apartment by myself.

Me Hulk! Me strong!

Once inside, I check the frame that she found at her dumpster. I tell her that it was there for a reason. She tells S14 to take it back. We put the mattress' in place on the floor. We start talking about all the crap they have found at the dumpster.

I noticed the other week that she has a new used computer chair for S14's desk and and a nice little entertainment center in the bedroom. I had figured that they were from the OM. They weren't. She found them at the dumpster. She has also found several pairs of really nice shoes. The entertainment center, the chair, shoes, rugs, decorative pillows. All at the dumpster.

"You know the shoes that I wore this weekend? The sandals, the black shoes....found 'em."
"No sh*t!"
"Yup. All that and some rugs. Look." She shows me the rugs in the living room, the dining room and kitchen. Then walks me to the girls bathroom and shows me that one.
"Holy crap!" I tell her. We need to hang around here around the end of the month, huh?" We are both laughing now.

I end up staying for most of the evening. She started dinner and asked if I would like some. I tell her sure, as long as there is enough. I sit on the sofa and she is in the kitchen preparing dinner. We are talking to each other. Mostly just chit chat stuff and then she asks,
"It was a year ago today, wasn't it?"
"Exactly!" I tell her right away, without thinking about it.

Of course I've thought about it. Her stroke was one year ago today. I come over to sit at the bar and we talk about the week prior to her stroke, and about stuff about strokes she saw on tv and I tell her about a co-worker she knows that also had one a couple months ago. Really surprising. Amanda comes over and somehow the topic turned to Thanksgiving. She asks the wife something about it and then tells me,

"Mom said that maybe we'll have Thanksgiving at the house."

This of course surprised me. Amanda asks me about it and I ask her what she thought about it. She says that its okay with her. The wife asks what my parents are doing for Thanksgiving. Amanda pipes in that they may have it the day after or maybe even on the weekend. That is true since I had no idea if the wife and I were going to split the time with the kids or what. I go grab some tea to drink in the kitchen and she asks me,
"Can I borrow the blender?"
"The blender? Yes." I look at her a little puzzled.
"I want to make tamales."

She's been making homemade tamales for Christmas the past several years. She uses that blender as a processor for the chili spices.

We all eat in front of the tv. I stayed late enough to start to get the girls ready for bed. The girls and I had our usual fun playing tickle fighting and wrestling on the sofa. The wife sat on the chair. We kept giving our 'look at these crazy kids' glances to each other. I help clean up a little and start to say my goodbyes. We are in the girls room. I look at the wife and tell her I'm leaving. She walks me to the door and opens it for me. I walk out and look at her.

She looks right at me and tells me thanks, with her little pursed lip half smile. I smile, give a nod and a quick wave and head out. I know what her smile means. Her guilt playing with her.

We'll see how the week plays out. My plan was to go back to some darkness with her. At least on my part. If she wants to contact me, she will. If not, I'm okay with that. I do need to take Amanda's Converse that she left at the house, to her tomorrow. Hopefully I'll do it before the wife gets home. I'm also pretty sure that the wife has to work this Saturday. I may sneak some time in with the kids, if I can. We might all end up together again Saturday evening.

Not sure about the Thanksgiving thing, though. Maybe we should split the time. So far, holidays are ending up with all of us together. I don't think that helps US. Just keeps her belief that we'll separate, but still be a family. Just not sure what is best.

And Ldubs post to me,

Me likey the strong boys!!!!

Guilt over what she has done to you? Guilt over enjoying time with you while having OM?

Glad you answered her call (with a little mystery, LOVE that!) and went to help her. I think its a good thing.

By the way, I need so many new things, so let me know when I need to be at that magic dumpster!!!!

Thanks for the words. I'm not sure if I did the right things yesterday, but I'm okay with my actions. The texts and helping her.

[whatdidido]

Hmmmm.....methinks OM is ticked. Good deal. Doing fine, h4h. Should be an interesting next week or so is my guess.

[kat727]

Yes, he might be trying to punish her by not letting her use his truck. So he created another opportunity for you to be the good guy/our hero. Keep on being the thorn in his side. Holidays are a good time for that. They are a time for family, not cheaters.

You are doing good.

kat

[InLikeFlynn]

Definate "HIGH FIVE" for that!!! It's interesting that she couldn't use the truck!!! I wouldn't go dark yet either....keep your eyes open.

Also alot of people leave furniture in their apartment when they leave that Mgt just tosses. Another man's garbage is another man's gold as they say.

[Sugar and Spice]

Keep on being the thorn in his side. Holidays are a good time for that. They are a time for family, not cheaters.

You are doing good.

kat

Yep. The holidays have a way of making people think. You did good and if you feel good about it, then it was a win.

[hopeful4her]

Definate "HIGH FIVE" for that!!! It's interesting that she couldn't use the truck!!! I wouldn't go dark yet either....keep your eyes open.

I was going to ask for some thoughts on this. Should I keep trying to be around or go back to trying to stay away?

We talked a little about her finances yesterday morning. She had asked me if I was going to keep the kids on my insurance. I told her of course. I told her that SHE should cancel the kids on hers. She told me that she was thinking about it, because her job is currently in benefits enrollment. That it would free up some money for her. She asked about my family plan, that if it would be cheaper to cancel her from mine. I told her that I didn't know.

I DO know. It WOULD be cheaper to take her off. But I won't. I told her, when she started working, that she shouldn't have added the kids. That meant the we are both paying premiums for them. No sense. She said that she was advised to do it. To show responsibility in case of D. At the time, I think I told her that it must have been someone that didn't know crap. I assumed it was OM.

She also told me that if I was going to keep the insurance, she could pay all the daycare for Juliana. I told her that I would not agree to that. I will pay my share.

On Monday, up in the hotel room, us checking if we gathered everything, I gave her a check to help pay for the room cost. She declined at first, but I insisted. Yesterday morning, as I was out the door, she asked if she could cash the check. I told her yes. I asked when she gets paid again. She said that she wasn't even sure. She thinks next week. I ask about daycare payment next Monday. I told her that if needed, since I get paid this Friday, I can pay it for her. She quickly said that she would pay me back. I told her to let me know. She then said that it takes them a few days to process the check anyway. She gets paid on Wednesdays. The check may not hit her account until Thursday anyway. I tell her that she shouldn't chance it. I don't mind, just to let me know.

An interesting conversation, I thought.

[marriedCrazy]

I don't know if I read anything into that convo..

From here as an outsider it looks like she's just trying to square her finances so that she can free up more money for herself.

But I think that you've thought that OM was helping to fund her life, right? If so, there could be trouble with OM...

[hopeful4her]

Didn't read anything into it. I took it as her still separating herself from me. The convo was before she told me about not getting the truck.

I HAVE been of the thinking that OM WAS funding her. I know it was him she was talking to on Sunday morning, about puting money into her account. I'm sure he HAS been helping her in the past, I just don't know to what extent.

Things changed sometime after I sent her my texts. Maybe she was with him when I sent them. Just don't know. Getting the truck sounded like it had been planned. SOMETHING happened.

At this point, its all speculation.

[kat727]

I think that something was you.

kat

[whatdidido]

Uh huh.

I would keep coming around. You know her. YOu will know how it's going. She sounds like she wants you around, so I'd go with it. I'd keep the hugs up, too. She didn't back away. Keep loving her.