Otherwise, just preparing myself mentally to get to spend time with W, kids, and another family for thanksgiving. She is doing the all out push to spend as much time together as a family as possible...surely to make it hard on me to push for the big D and also to make her case as "Mom of the Year" in a D trial, should it come to that.
Yep, Still just smiling and waving! Thanks for the reminder Steve.
I did make it through Thanksgiving with a smile on my face. It wasn't actually bad at all. It's just odd that the more I try to move on, the more she wants to make it harder for me to do so...all without any hint that she wants to work on the M. (She needs a really good therapist!)
As far as the big D, W continues to not mention anything about it, so I follow suit, all while continuing to work through the Ls. I have 5 or 6 docs. to get back to my L and then we will set a mediation date. Spent 2 hours with my L going over the case last week and feel a bit less stressed about it. Just wish W would start to move on, get a job, etc. so that this doesn't have to be so damned hard.
Anyway, I did my first 1/2 marathon last weekend, was 4 min. under my target time and I really had a great time. So now I'm contemplating a marathon in the spring. We'll see how the next few long runs feel. Either way, FLTC, I'm still living on the endorphins!
Take care, SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
Super job on the half! I was going to run in the Music City Marathon 1/2 last year but got sick about a month before and totally fell out of training. This year I'm not even thinking about it. I run 5-6 miles on a regular basis but just don't think I have it in me to get over 13! You're my hero!!
I am glad to see the PMA is there. Christmas time can be rough for anyone going through these sorts of things. I feel for your children during these times but I know you are doing a great job shielding them from most of the fallout from the D. At some point, comes the "big talk" with the kids; I feel sorry for anyone having to endure that. Keep us posted and let us know how things are going.
Best, --Chris
Me: 40 She: 31 S: 5 D: 3 Married: 8 years (05 DEC 99) Blow-up: 02 JUN 07 Piecing (More like Ostriching): 22 FEB 08
"Anyway, I did my first 1/2 marathon last weekend, was 4 min. under my target time and I really had a great time."
Hi SD, holiday's may be getting to me, I read this initially as 'mediation' instead of 'marathon' & was trying to figure out how you have 1/2 of one ;-)
Hi Chris, Steve and Sunny! Happy belated holidays, too.
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You really have the GAL stufff down!
Well, I think it was easy since I had been wanting to do so much more for the past years and was always talked out of it by W. Now, I am free and can just do what I want, for myself and with the kids. It's nice...just missing a good woman in my life, otherwise, things are pretty darned great.
So...on that note, goals for 2009:
1. Finalize the big D. Short term - get mediation set up by end of Jan. 2. Make a new career plan. ST - get a mentor by end of Jan. (esp. based on not being able to leave Orlando.) 3. Hit my goal time for Spring triathlon. ST - stick to training plan for Jan. 4. Work with the kids to improve their relationship with each other...basically apply DB techniques, esp. validation, to them. ST - coach them through 3 positive conflict resolutions this month. 5. Take 2 long vacations this year with kids. ST - negotiate timing of first one with STBXW this month.
Longer term - get my own place and start dating!
Hope all is well with the rest of you and all the best for 2009.
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
Don't know how I missed your update... Those are some great goals. I put together a list too and your #4 hit me like a brick. THAT is what I need to do! Whether it was from the turmoil of our fighting pre-sep, the emotional strain on them during the sep and after divorce, I'm not sure... But my 3 daughters have been at each other's throats for the last 3-4 months. I've been trying to lead by example and have mini-talks with them on how they should be treating each other better. Exactly how are you going to "apply DB techniques" on yours?
This sitch with the kids has troubled me a great deal over last few months but I must admit that I haven't mapped out a plan on how to deal with it more effectively. I thought that if I provided them stability and a bit of "normalcy" that it might help. Would love to discuss this with you. Are you on the "alternate universe"?
Exactly how are you going to "apply DB techniques" on yours?
Well, I guess the first is setting the goal!
Then, you gotta start experimenting. I have tried to get away from being the judge in their conflicts to focussing on listening and validating each of them and then trying to get them to try new tactics with each other. That seems to be working the best. If I can get them into the mode of thinking about how to avoid the conflict vs. who is right or wrong, this is the best...unfortunately, it doesn't work every time.
I guess the younger you start this type of thing, the easier it is to change it. In your case, the kids are older, so it probably will take more persistance on your part.
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Would love to discuss this with you. Are you on the "alternate universe"?
Apparently not, but the bb works, if a bit more slowly than normal communications!
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
