Going to lurk and occasionally post in this forum now! Took a long break, for me and I feel better, I wanted to share a few experiences with those of you moving here or those that have been here.
1. If you expect things to get better communication wise after you are divorced, you may be in for a rude awakeing!
2. If your spouse demonstrated a lack of respect for you when you were married, do not expect an improvement after divorce
3. Divorce unlike many think, does not heal wounds, you heal wounds not a change in status.
4. Transparenting courses are great but if you both don't heed their advice it is just more words and does not have any positive impact.
5. You still can only control your actions and you are responsible for how your X spouses actions impact your feelings
6. Chances are if you are reading this, you had to play the hero in the midst of a dying marriage and guess what you can't ever stop playing the role of hero if you have children with your X.
7. DBing is really about you and learning how to be happy and strong on your own, it can help you repair or save relationships but mostly it is designed to help you sharpen the tools to save yourself from dispair.
8. Take the relationship principles and all you have learned and apply it and live it in your next relationship it works absolute wonders. In other words if you use this as preventive instead of reactive these principles are almost guarenteed to work.
9. Anyone can benefit from learning a little more about themselves.
10. God works in mysterious ways, we don't always understand it but most everything has its purpose! We should have faith in his plan!
Married:10 years D final 8/28/08 10 minutes is all it took Life goes on and DB was no small part in growing from the Divorce!
I'm going to add something here since I'm a Two-timer..I finally came to this realization during my son's wedding this past summer when I had to interact with my first ex-wife.
I think just after any divorce that you will think that there is no way that you can ever be civil to an ex-spouse, especially if things were really bad during the divorce process. I discovered that this line of thinking in my case was not correct. I've found that no matter what happened or was said, that after a period of time, even years down the road, that most people can and do get over the hurt and find a way to be civil to one another. Hurt feelings, anquish and pain get better with time. Put those things to the side when dealing with your ex concerning the kids..if you can do this it will be a great gift for your kids and they will learn that out of pain and anger can come peace.
I'm going to add something here since I'm a Two-timer..I finally came to this realization during my son's wedding this past summer when I had to interact with my first ex-wife.
I think just after any divorce that you will think that there is no way that you can ever be civil to an ex-spouse, especially if things were really bad during the divorce process. I discovered that this line of thinking in my case was not correct. I've found that no matter what happened or was said, that after a period of time, even years down the road, that most people can and do get over the hurt and find a way to be civil to one another. Hurt feelings, anquish and pain get better with time. Put those things to the side when dealing with your ex concerning the kids..if you can do this it will be a great gift for your kids and they will learn that out of pain and anger can come peace.
I truly think in most cases involving a hurtfull divorce situation, the only way you can deal with an X is to act like they are dead, because they are.
BH..I'm talking years down the road..14 years for me and my first x..we can at least be civil..I feel if you can't get over your crap after 14 years then you have serious issues..and concerning kids with an Ex..that Ex is never dead until they are buried..you're always tied to that ex if kids are involved.
