I need to post here because this has become a community for me. I come here on a daily basis and check around how people are doing. I need to have an ongoing post myself though so that people can hold me accountable!
I am getting so done with the dating scene. I HATE dating! I am all dated out! And yet...I'm lonely. ;( Okay, so need to handle this. Need to come up with some good alternatives.
I also need to come up with some goals.
Today I feel like a failure. In the game of life my ex has won and I have lost. I'm not feeling bad about this. It is just pure objective fact.
He is surrounded by friends and family, a romantic relationship and now a child. He has plenty of money and a successful career.
I am poor with no career, no romantic relationship, my family lives in another state and my friends are cool, but busy living their own lives.
So looking at this what do I see? I see that maybe he was right. Maybe I just wasn't good enough. I didn't meet the grade. Maybe I will never amount to anything. Maybe I will keep trying, but just never actually succeed.
I pray. I read. I have moments of happiness like pockets of warm water in the ocean. But mostly I have failed in making my dreams come true.
Being thrown away and abandoned zapped me of so much life energy. I often float between places of a complete loss of motivation and boredom/loneliness.
I sound depressed, but I don't have any health insurance to get some AD's.
whitelight...it sounds like you need to find yourself. As hard as it is...find things you enjoy to do. I don't know your sitch, but to me, life is not about who has won and who has lost. It's about doing what is best for you. If others see that as losing...well, that's their issues, not your's. I understand how hard it is because like you, I have no career (yet!), I have no money, other than what STBX gives me, no romantic relationship, my family lives in another state and my friends I have met thru STBX. You're starting over. It's hard! Look into getting involved in your community. Save up some money for some night classes, not necessarily academics, but cooking, scrapbooking, something you enjoy doing. Something I enjoy doing is sitting at night, after the kids go to bed, doing a puzzle with a glass of wine. I limit myself to one glass so I don't start wallowing in my self pity! I paid $15 for the puzzle and I'm gonna be working on it for a while! I'm not sure if you have kids, but take this time to do things for yourself!! Go for a walk! If you have kids, take them with you. Get out of the house, it's amazing how much better I feel if I'm able to get up, dressed and just get out for a little bit. Go to a park and watch the kids play. Walk around the mall, windowshopping. Make a wish list for yourself while you're there, so that when you are able to save up some money, you know what you want to spend it on. Surround yourself with positive influences. This is about you now. Not about your X. It's about you getting a healthy lifestyle for yourself. You can do it! Start with some simple goals. And when you're able to accomplish some of them, you'll be able to look back and say, "wow, look at what I've done for myself!" Take Care
Me- 29 X - 30 M - 7.5 years Final April 2009 S - 2005 D - 2007
Don't make someone a priority who only makes you an option.
A wise fish once said...Just keep swimming...Just keep swimming!
Today I feel like a failure. In the game of life my ex has won and I have lost. I'm not feeling bad about this. It is just pure objective fact.
He is surrounded by friends and family, a romantic relationship and now a child. He has plenty of money and a successful career.
I am poor with no career, no romantic relationship, my family lives in another state and my friends are cool, but busy living their own lives.
So looking at this what do I see? I see that maybe he was right. Maybe I just wasn't good enough. I didn't meet the grade. Maybe I will never amount to anything. Maybe I will keep trying, but just never actually succeed.
Being thrown away and abandoned zapped me of so much life energy. I often float between places of a complete loss of motivation and boredom/loneliness.
WL,
I wish I had the right words to help you out of this maze you are lost in right now... It is just temporary... I promise things will get better...
As for you exH "winning".... I do not think really "winning" is about money, career or friends... Rather, it is about who you really are.... Is your exH a better person than you? Does he have more character or integrity than you? Do you think people really admire him for his actions in your M?
As for your career and success, as long as you are alive, there is still a bright future.... If you want to find your avocation, look around.... Research several career fields that interest you... If you do not have the money, take out student loans.... Find your calling... Your passion..... Your dreams are waiting to come true....
As for being good enough, I believe you are special in God's eyes... He created you... You are valuable... Regardless of what lies Satan attempts to tell you...
As for you being thrown away and abandoned, I know that feeling all too well... I was thrown away and abandoned by my VERY best friend... The woman I loved with all of me.... Oh, yeah.... She was also my W of over 12 years.... It is impossible to put my feelings into words...
I pray God gives you strength and peace during this tough time...
Take Care,
RMG
Last edited by RMG77739; 11/09/0803:54 AM.
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
You seem to be compairing your life with your ex's.And that seems to be keeping you back.Your life doesn't have to measure up to your image of his life.So he has what you think is everything and you have nothing.That's not fair to you.You have forgotten your worth.
You have more than you think.But if you keep compairing your life to his your not going to be happy.
With a little effort I'm sure you can focus on those pockets of warm water and expand on it.Remember what you focus on expands.
Later Friend Briget
The grass is always greener over the septic tank... Erma Bombeck
Treat hate with Love... DR. Martin Luther King
Some words of encouragement and a little push forward do so much for me.
So what am I doing? Well, even though my friend canceled, I went out to an art opening last night by myself and had a great time.
This week my goals are: 1. Find a free clinic to possibly get put on AD's. 2. Research and write letters of interest to get into an office that might be a career field I would be good at. Spend 1 hour each day on this. 3. Exercise at least 3 days. (I'll do my first session today!)
In an attempt to focus on the warm pockets(via Briget's suggestion) I'm going to post three positives. 1. The weather is really great today. 2. I have a job intv. on Tuesday. 3. I have received wonderful words of encouragement from my fellow dbusters!
That's great whitelight!!! Baby steps! I just remembered something that really helped me... Instead of making a 'To Do' list, I made a 'Done' list everyday. It really helped me focus on the positives. Everyday, after I finished anything, I wrote it on the list and I kept it all in a notebook. At the beginning, my lists included things like, loaded the dishwasher, washed laundry and folded it, took a shower. After a while, the list included, went for a walk, went grocery shoppping, went to class, had my Partylite Party... And it was great keeping it in a notebook, that way on my bad days, I was able to go back and see how much things had changed for me just by looking at my 'Done' list. I think the 3 positives a day is a great idea! Even the simple things like the weather. Simple pleasures are great!
Me- 29 X - 30 M - 7.5 years Final April 2009 S - 2005 D - 2007
Don't make someone a priority who only makes you an option.
A wise fish once said...Just keep swimming...Just keep swimming!
Livin4me, Thanks for the affirmation! I love the wise fish quote you have at the bottom. I've reminded myself of that many times today!
I like your, "Done List" idea, so here's mine for today.
I did go and exercise as I said I would...by going on a hike...uh, and I met not one, but two men! lol. One I had met recently at a party and he asked for my number and to go out for drinks. The next man I met was more happenstance. We ended up having a great conversation and there was lot of attraction.
I got some writing done.
I did my laundry. I cleaned my place.
I'm going out tonight. I still feel totally down in the dumps. Seriously, this has to be depression and it has to be chemical and I'm so sick of fighting it. I need some help. I'm going to call around tomorrow.
You accomplished quite a bit today!!! More than I did!!! lol Good job! It's good your making calls tomorrow. Yet again, another baby step! The hiking is good for your mental health as well. Keep it up. And hey, if you're meeting people while doing it, it's something you share in common with them! Always a plus!
Me- 29 X - 30 M - 7.5 years Final April 2009 S - 2005 D - 2007
Don't make someone a priority who only makes you an option.
A wise fish once said...Just keep swimming...Just keep swimming!
When I showed up he was already flirting with the hostess.
and that's why I love dating.
Hello Friday! Hello Great and glorious weekend in front of me.
Just for today...I'm going to believe in my strength and ability to create the life I want. Just for today...I'm going to believe that all the forces of the universe and God are working in conjunction with me to make my dreams come true.
Well the beginning of a new week. Let's look at those goals and see how well I stuck to them.
Exercise 3 times - nope only 2x Letters of interest for a new career an hour a day - didn't do this at all. Not one hour, not one minute. Find a free clinic for some AD's. I did find one, but I didn't go.
And that's the life of a human being. I did go on two dates. I did work on my writing. I was a good friend and family member this week. um, and I did remain positive. I also read a book: The purpose and power of Love and Marriage by Myles Munroe. I am taking it one day at a time.
Just for today...I'm going to believe in my strength and ability to create the life I want.
Just for today...I'm going to believe that all the forces of the universe and God are working in conjunction with me to make my dreams come true.
