Trying2live-Post #4

[hope3343]

T2L, don't worry I am working on your Oscar performance! Need to do that in the next couple of weeks to coincide with newsletter. If that does not work, don't know what will

Hi Dash, thanks for your input. No one knows but me that the 2 of them are "dating". Company policy -- they both get fired, they don't get moved. That is where it is tough -- If I turn them in I loose all financial support but ethically, if they get caught and they discover I knew -- i could get in trouble. My life right now is unbelievable. Glad I have this board.

[Trying2live]

Hey Hope how are you? I've been thinking about you and just want to be sure you are alright. You have been a little quieter that I normal.

I was thinking you need to go take salsa lessons to just in case you make it out here to California we can go salsa dancing!!!! Yeah! Ok everyone go take Salsa lessons! J/K

So ya really wanna visit Cali on New years?

[hope3343]

Hey T2L, You are right and too perceptive ...you need to go into the therapy field...

I have been busy the past few days but I think I have been a little depressed. I just think I miss my H. It is hard not being a part of his life anymore. It really bothered me that he got a promotion and never shared it. We were very tight when it came to successes for each of us at work. It hurts that he must have celebrated with OW and left me in the dark. I am the one that really helped him with his career and supported him getting his college degree. Makes me sad. I know it will pass but it sucks. I am proud of myself that I have been able to detach all weekend -- not even a text. I would like to tell H next time I see him that I know he was promoted, but in a good way and say I heard you got promoted - Congrats but not sure how he will take it.
I wish I could come for New Year,s but I should still be in CT. I probably will be spending the night with my Mom who is 84. It will be a long night especially knowing H will be with OW. My prayer for you is that your H will be home where he belongs by that time. Of course we know that is when the real work will begin. How I would relish that challenge...
I will calling you this week and sending you some e-mails about the script. You will make him quake in his boots!

[Trying2live]

Ok good I thought so. And it wasn't me, God sometimes lays a person on my heart so I just follow up by asking how they are.

I know what your feeling. Man when I was around month 3-5 it was so so painful. Like we talked before I don't think the shock wears off til then and then the sorrow really sets in. The gym and walking will help. you would be much worse if you weren't staying active.

I know its prob really painful he didn't share the promotion with you. He is fogged out and it stops them from being a caring person. It doesn't excuse the behavior, that's just what it is unfortunately. Hopefully a day will come when he can apologize.

I am glad you get to go to CT. It will be nice for you. Keep walking when your there and maybe purchase a yoga DVD to take with you if your there for a few weeks.

Try to turn your thoughts as quick as you can. That's the only thing I felt helped besides just crying.

[Trying2live]

Hey guys don't forget when we get to 100 posts we have to start over....

Here is an article I think some of you have read early when I first came to this site but its really good information. Take a look at it.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/index.php?term=19930501-000027&page=1

[faithrunner]

Hope, I know how you feel about H's promotion. My H just finished his doctorate and he goes on and on about how this person helped him and this person, etc. I feel like screaming, what about me? How about one simple thank you for the past 5 years reading your thesis so many times I can recite it, supporting your research, taking the kids so you could work on it, listening to you vent about problems you were having. How about that? I may never get that from him, and it frustrates me.

I'm kind of in a venting mood today, I guess. This past weekend was good - H stayed from morning to evening both days, called me after he left in the evening, so I know he wasn't with OW. Kept saying he had a great time. Remember I was anxious about my GAL on Sunday b/c H would be taking the kids out and I worried he might invite OW? Well, guess what he did? He invited my step-dad, who he is close to, to join him with the boys. I was so happy about that, and surprised that he would do that-called him and invited him himself.

They had a blast, and H followed up yesterday by writing my step-dad an email saying that he loved him like a father and was jealous of my brothers that they had a man like him to look up to. H told step-dad he felt like a failure in this life and hoped he could maintain their relationship. (H sent me the email under the guise that step-dad had asked about using H's car seats to help me out while H is deployed. H sent me an email saying, hey what do you think about giving them my car seats? I scrolled down and read his original email, and was like -WHAT is this?).

So, clearly H wanted me to see what he wrote to my step-dad. I didn't respond at all to the failure comment, because he will be one if he walks away. I just said I had never seen him express his feelings for a family member that way and that it was beautiful and I was proud of him. He said thanks, and that he felt like he had PMS today (joking). His need is admiration, so I wanted to validate how important it was to reach out to my step-dad (even though part of me is like, why won't you reach out to ME? And, if they knew about your EA, do you think they would be giving you the time of day?)

So I found out from my mom that SD wrote him back a nice email (her words). Surprisingly I didn't hear about it from him, so I wonder what it said. I can't figure out why he decided to open his heart to SD. It doesn't make sense to me.

T2L, that article was great.

[hope3343]

Hi all, having a lazy day. We are off today, and D15 did not feel good last night and she is home with me also. My neighbor asked me to go out for lunch or shopping so I am going to go. Working on GAL.
T2L thanks for the support again and again and again. Feeling a bit better today. You know those black hole days. sometimes the right thing to do is have a good cry and recognize it to move on.
Faith, wow seems like you have had some successes. It seems when that student talked to H some of the fog lifted a bit. Your H has his doctorate and he never thanked you. Typical. So you understand where i am coming from.
I do think it was a positive that your H contacted SD. How good was that. It was like he was reaching out to him. My H has stopped calling everyone (not that he was so good before), but even older D he never calls. It is like he does not want to hear anything from anybody. Pretty sad for him. Good you validated the e-mail to SD. I hope some progress is made before he goes away next month. We are rooting for you.

take care all.

[Trying2live]

Faith, very good in meeting the Admiration need! Keep it up. Find ways to meet it as much as possible and the other 4 as well.

Its really easy once your heart follows. I send texts emails and stuff. Be creative and look for all areas you may be able to meet AD needs...parenting, provision, work ethic, conversation, humor etc. there are so many ways.
Some I've done are: thanks so much for providing for us and loving us that way even though you live with OW you have kept your word I admire you for that, Thanks so much for fixing the my brakes on the truck they work so great now I noticed it as soon as I drove the car, your awesome, thank you for taking the time to spend the day with us and all the drive time it took for you to get here what a great sacrifice you gave to us were grateful, it was great talking with you about politics yesterday I love the fact that we both have the same views and your such a deep thinker and not shallow etc etc etc get the idea?? LOL

Sometimes H sends me texts saying its a beautiful day and i send a text back saying, ya know it is a beautiful day, I love that about you, your just like me you can enjoy the beauty of a gorgeous day. See you can find all kinds of places if you start being creative. But don't neglect his other 4 needs too. Like my H has a need for conversation, he had said in the past that I didn't listen so now when he talks i listen intently and he also has a high domestic need so when he visits I prepare elaborate meals, the house is clean and candles lit providing a cozy domestic environment.

Sounds like your on the right track. Start to laugh and joke too it really helps. Make eye contact as much as possible. Your doing great. If you can get the book get it so you can make sure you don't commit any Love busters too.

Sounds good that H made that date with step dad. But remember, have hope nut NO EXPECTATIONS this will keep you protected from being hurt, trust me on this one.

[AllW8SBF]

Yes take the test like you are him. IT will explain each of the needs or at least it does in the book, some of domestic is household stuff, cooking, cleaning, childcare stuff I'm sure there is more I think it breaks it down.

So yes take it like you are him and be very honest.

By the way guys its prolly best you spouses don't find all these books and resources. Let em just wonder about all the new changes in you(180 on stuff they complained about).....

I'm just catching up on this - I almost showed him SAA - YEP I GOT IT OMG it's so good! More later.

[AllW8SBF]

I need to follow what T2L says about concentrating on the holidays with our families. I have been dreading going back to CT to visit everyone. I have always enjoyed it but this year my heart is heavy that H will stay here with OW for both X-mas and New Year. I am sure OW is loving it that we will not be around and trying to make a new tradition with H. I keep praying that the more H is with her the more he will tire of her. Need to keep posting to keep my sanity. Glad I am supported here and we give support to each other.

Yes Hope it's great we get and give support here especially when we don't get it elsewhere.