"I'm sorry. One of my former students came in and virtually collapsed on me . . . told me her H is leaving her. It hit me pretty good. She's devastated. It's hard not to compare it to "us". I never wanted to hurt you . . . I really am sorry for this . . ."
My first response is, JERK! Is he saying, wow this sucks for you, oh well sorry anyway. My first reaction is to be pissed!
Should I respond? What should I say?
I'm going to see him after work at home, so if I don't email him, what do I say tonight? I need some DB advice b/c I am shaking - pissed and nervous.
Me:33, H:34 T10, M8 S4,S3,S9m ILYBINILWY 11/07 Separation 1 2/08-8/08 Back Home 8/08-10/08 Separation 2 10/08- Too many bombs to count:(
omg, well, hell, what do you say? your emotions have got to be going all over, maybe glad he got to see the damage, yet angry and really mad........wow, you better wait on someone who isnt me for help, I can offer support in what ever you do, but i have been backsliding some on my own dbing lately, shhhhhhhhhh dont tell PDT!!!
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
You're exactly right, BG! A little glad that he got to see objectively what this is like, but also so angry. "I am really sorry for this" feels like a half-a##ed apology to me. I haven't done anything yet. Thanks for posting!
Me:33, H:34 T10, M8 S4,S3,S9m ILYBINILWY 11/07 Separation 1 2/08-8/08 Back Home 8/08-10/08 Separation 2 10/08- Too many bombs to count:(
ok here is a funny you could do, say ok, write it all out, what it made you feel, so i can email it to all my friends who's H have done the same thing to them as you have done to me, maybe it will make them SEE it too. sorry lol, just a dream, that maybe someday H will see too!
your in a spot really, see, I dont know what I would do, probably something that would end up in us having a R talk. its just so hard to know what is right, could this be him handing you an olive branch to healing your M. or another bait and trap. dang, it is some kind of apology, just not the one ANY of us BW's want!
great big hugs!! please let me know what you do lol!
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
Thanks, BG! I'm mad b/c I was having such a peaceful day! And, that would be great to email to all the H's out there:)
Here's my initial thoughts: "Tell her she will be fine. Give her my number if she wants to talk. Let her know she will get through this." That way, I don't address his lame apology or his guilt at all.
What do you think?
Me:33, H:34 T10, M8 S4,S3,S9m ILYBINILWY 11/07 Separation 1 2/08-8/08 Back Home 8/08-10/08 Separation 2 10/08- Too many bombs to count:(
LOL sorry it isnt peaceful anymore!! I like your response, pretty much, but, remember back, we didnt think we would be fine. ya know? how about you say something, like right now you know she is experiencing the worst pain and loss she has ever felt in her life, then the give your number part and maybe you could offer to HELP her get thru this.....
you arent addressing his lame apology, BUT you are stating the real feelings and the hurt, make him see it! idk thats what i would do...........
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
Faith, I was waiting till T2L opened up the new thread, but it is good you opened one up.
What has happened to your H is that the fog has lifted - even for a tiny while. He got hit with a "truth dart". They are so focused on themselves they do not see the damage that is inflicted on their own family. I think it is a great that H got a self realization.
Like your initial thoughts about contacting her but you know that H does not want to be exposed to his own student that he is an idiot. I would wait till he comes over and see how it plays out. You can state truths but without putting blame, such as I know her pain and shock when that happens, then put the conversation on the state of mind of his student. See how he expresses it. You can agree just don't turn it over to your own R. good luck.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
You're right, Hope and BG. I'm sure he didn't reveal anything about himself, and how ironic it was that she was coming to him!
I am going to try and steer it away from our R as much as possible. I do think it's good to not email back and wait until I see him. Let him think this one through a little.
Should I validate at all his feelings (even though I REALLY don't feel like doing that)?
I feel like I'm in a fragile spot!
Me:33, H:34 T10, M8 S4,S3,S9m ILYBINILWY 11/07 Separation 1 2/08-8/08 Back Home 8/08-10/08 Separation 2 10/08- Too many bombs to count:(
