Let Go, Let God

[AllW8SBF]

I know that some will cringe when they read Let Go, Let God. And the rest who know where I'm coming from will be like YEAH!

Well I'm doing that. I've been GAL, and doing some incredible things and even though my marriage is not back together or even close to that, my spirit is BACK!

Everyone who sees me says I'm happier. And I am but with times of fear and sadness. I don't want my marriage to be over, but I have started praying that the Lord gives me strength and guidance to do what is his will. My grandmother always taught me to never ask for a specific something from God, to pray he'll help you do as he has planned for me.

And I've seen him, even if not in my husband, he's still turkey crud and getting worse sometimes. But I see it in my thoughts, and my actions. There are so many times lately that I've seen God around me and it makes the fear a little less. Until...

We (H&I) have said we can't divorce till we pay off more of the mortgage and then sell it to break even. That we have discussed could be anywhere from 14-18 months.
And that we were not going to tell our family until after the holidays as not to screw up their holidays, we are still friends so we could go to a family event and be friends, it's not like we mack up at a family party.
But he came to me the other night first asking are you still holding out for this marriage. I said I didn't know, it differs from day to day and hour to hour. Then he says I don't think we should spend Thanksgiving or Christmas together. With my p's supposed to be coming to your parents house spending it with them/us and the rest of your family. And then Christmas we have tickets to Colorado to visit his family for Christmas and to top it off his mom wants a family portrait. It's just not a good idea. - Again I kinda put into his head the idea that Christmas will be tough cause she wants that picture. But I was just trying to get him to come out of the fog and say, no it won't cause I want to be with you, we won't be faking and that picture should have you as your my wife and will be forever...Ahhhhhh how sweet - Wake up Jen!
So I said I don't know, I can't right now, my parents and sis are going through a tough time and this will add to it. Well he wants an answer and Cheryl my db coach says nothing needs to be decided now.
I'm also with the idea - what do you think here-
1) Fine you tell your parents - the WHOLE story and the fact that I want to fight for this marriage and let them decide what they want to do.
2) Too bad buddy suck it up and deal with it, we've made the bed now lay in it.
3) Oh yeah and part of me wants to call his p's and tell them. But as much as I know they won't want us to divorce they are not the type to voice it, they ignore problems.


So what do you think - what would you do?

Well I'm going to continue to pray on this and pray for all of you, but would love to hear your opinions.

[Molly44]

I think do whatever feels right with you.

Your H does not know what a wonderful forgiving person you are. Time to do whatever is in your power to make you ahppy.

Cheers

[Trying2live]

Hey there, Here's some stuff from SAA book I thought you might like. I'm going to post it to my thread too.....Glad to hear you are GAL'ing! keep it up!........

Since your wayward spouse has not admitted to the infidelity, it’s necessary to expose the existence of the adultery to everyone who can put pressure on the adultery and influence the partners in adultery to end their relationship. You need to begin work now to develop that list. The list may include some or all of the following. It may also include people not on this sample list.

A. If the person your spouse is involved with is married, His or her spouse must be told of the adultery even if your spouse actually terminates the affair and enthusiastically begins to labor long and hard on your marriage the instant you find out about the adultery. The other person’s spouse (OPS) has the right to address the problems in their own marriage.
B. Your spouse’s parents and sometimes your spouse's siblings. Parents can place tremendous pressure on their adulterous offspring. On occasion, they take their children’s part and choose to ignore the adultery, but they often become strong allies in breaking it up.
C. Your children. Guess what? Kids as young as four see and hear…and understand…far more than you think they do. D r. Harley has stressed the importance of making sure children know mom or dad is behaving inappropriately but that mom and dad still love the child. The child must know he or she is NOT the cause of all the tension in the household.
D. Your family. You need allies who can put pressure on the adultery and your family members can do that. They may be able to add nothing more than disapproving glances, but that pressure mounts up.
E. Friends of the family. Same reason as above.
F. Your spouse’s co-workers if the adultery is an “office affair.” (I hate the word affair. It makes a slimy, squalid thing seem less offensive.) Co-workers can apply lots of pressure. They may have suspected before you exposed to them. Now they know for certain.
G. Again, if the adultery began in the office, expose to the spouse’s boss or Human Resources Director. The company may have a policy on inappropriate relationships. If one partner or the other is a supervisor, the company can directly influence the adultery and make it impossible for it to continue.
H. Your pastor or priest. These individuals have tremendous influence in your wayward spouse’s life. Make them your allies.
I. Officers and members of professional associations and social organizations your spouse is in. Few of these tolerate moral turpitude in their membership. Use that to your advantage.
J. Anyone else who can reasonably be expected to be able to put pressure on the adulterous relationship.

Exposure is THE strongest weapon you have at your disposal to smash the adultery. Adultery is part disrespect, part deceit, and part fantasy. It exists in the darkness under rocks. Turn the rock over, shine a brilliant spotlight on the seamy underside, and the roaches begin to scurry away. The lies that are a part of every adultery are revealed for what they are and the fantasy world that includes just the two adultery partners begins to shatter. USE exposure.

When you have your list ready, go to each person and sit down with him or her if you can. It’s good for them to see you troubled, but very calm and steady. It’s very important to be under control. Many wayward spouses will immediately try to gaslight their betrayed spouses and will swear to everyone around the betrayed one is demented to even think the wayward spouse would actually sneak around behind your back. Take a deep breath and launch into a description of what has intruded into your marriage. Don’t wait for the perfect time and place, or the magic words to use. They’ll never come. Don’t tell your spouse you’re going to do expose the obscene adultery to your prospective allies. Just do it.

Oh, by the way, your wayward spouse will be absolutely furious. He or she will shriek imprecations at you, swear he/she was going to work on the marriage but now...oh, boy...now they wouldn't have anything to do with you if you were the last person on the face of the planet, etc. It's all bluster, noise, and drama. They are pissed off because you’ve wrecked the perfect little fantasy world they’ve been indulging themselves with. Let them rant and rave. It means nothing because you know where it’s coming from. Spouses sometimes do leave at this point for a while. If they do, you do NOT support their separate lifestyle in any way. If they leave, the almost invariably come back very quickly because their fantasy isn't supportable without your help.

Look, the purpose of exposure is to bust up the adultery. You are not doing this out of spite; you are not vengeful. Your spouse will see it as such, but it is not. Do not decline to expose because of the embarrassment you may feel about the adultery, and certainly don’t refuse to expose because it might embarrass your spouse.

Important Note: Do NOT shield your spouse from the consequences of his or her adultery. If you do, you give your spouse time and space to reignite the adultery and continue it better hidden than before. If you skip exposure, based on a misplaced “respect” or something that sounds equally noble, you will be condoning the disrespect your spouse has shown the marriage, your children, and you. Remember, adulteries thrive in the darkness. They are fed by lies and deceit. By shining the blinding light of exposure on the adultery, you force everything into sharp focus. The relationship begins to whither.