I went to C tonight and it was fantastic. Her council was to work on myself. She explained a lot of where i was which in turn explained to me why i was not Dbing correctly. My H is like ____ and I am / leaning into him. It is the contrary human nature. You want what you cant have and it is dictating my behaviour. A healthy relationship is equal and both standing side by side. Mine is not healthy because i am leaning in him so I have to get back up on my feet. Get upright. To do this:
1. He cannot come to my home anymore uninvited. I have to change the locks and create a safe enviroment for me and kids.
2. I cannot change the locks in punishment etc it has to be because as an adult I am entitled to my own space. I understand this.
3. I have to talk to him when I am ready and lay out the boundries and ask him to respect my silence until i am ready. He can email once a week, say Wednesday and I will respond. We name a day so that I am not constantly looking for emails. I need to organise someone to go and do my work for him at the business until I am healed.
What I did not do today was see personal trainer. i have not really eaten since Saturday , so she would not train me under nourished. Otherwise i accomplished my goals.
Tomorrow I will continue silence ( not ready for talk yet ). I will go for a walk. I will go to work. I will catch up with a friend.
I still have nasty thoughts swirling around and around. Apparently the more i do for myself the stronger and more upright I will be and regardless of whether M dissolves or H comes back, i will be in better and stronger place.
Look forward to feedback and other helpful tips to stop these crazy imaginative driven thoughts. I need to STOP thinking about H.
Hi MOf3 I tried to post but thread had locked (I guess you know that though) Great things with the counselor. Congrats.
Originally Posted By: Mof3
That might be self centered but i have had repeated advice on this site about taking care of myself. Is trying to be accepting of Hs current behaviour so as not to feel like everything a blow part of taking care of myself.
I wanted to explain, since I didn't do to good of a job the first time round. I wasn't trying to judge, what I was trying to show you was how the small difference in how something is worded can be taken in the wrong way from what you intended. Especially when everything is already stressed, or they are looking for a reason to fight. I agree that you need to have time to heal and work on You.
Steel
M 39, W 35 D7, S5 Friends 18+ Together 11+ Married 8 ILYBINILWY 4/7/07 - A BOMB 4/29/07 Seperated 5/16/07 - D Filed She Moved out 7/1 D Busted 6/15/08
I wrote a letter to H today and faxed it. I outlined boundries regarding coming home. I asked for no contact, I asked that once a week he email me on a wed before 9 ( hence I am not looking for emails everyday )with anything i need to know. i have arranged someone to work for me at his work.
My letter was nice, but very clear. He tried to call 30 min later. I did nt take the call of course and was disappointed that he did not respect my need.
I have arranged to go away for the weekend. I booked a hair appointment and I might do something different. in 2 weeks I go to Aussie for a shopping weekend.
I think i am on my way. bumps to come no doubt but I really feel that fixing myself will put be in a better place, should we decide later to reconcile. I will also Db much better.
Just need to eat again so that I can resume exercise.
Nah did not shave my head in the end. i have a lovely new color and a nice style. Strange man in the street said ' nice hair " He was about 70
I am really suffering at the moment. I feel so rejected and sick. H took D16 and D18 to guy fawkes display last night ( something i love ) and then out for dessert. I did not mind that though. Made myself scarce on pik up and drop off. He did not come in.
My heart really does ache. Will this go away so that i can feel confident on direction and dbing. I want to close my shop and just go home to sleep to escape all these thoughts and feelings and pain. i have been taking 1/2 sleeping pill each night to knock myself out.
I have accepted invitation to cocktail night next eeek and BBQ so am doing more stuff as single. Hate it. Want my H back but I know that if I was to resume contact I would make no progress on either my M or myself. Where do I find the strength?
