Two days later, and I feel really good about myself and my sitch.
Isn't there some kind of pill that will just make the roller coaster go away?
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Same to you Dearie!!!! I think we could all use a better year...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Happy New Year Lola. Sorry you have had a rough time lately. Although we try not to have expectations I know that underneath it all you wanted H there and he wasn't - neither emotionally nor physically = and that sucks and hurts. Yes, he will expect you to be there at his beck and call but he is free to behave how he wants to. You are doing so well in getting your independence and I am sure you will feel better when you have a place of your own. I did set myself a timescale for when I thought I would have to walk away completely or go insane but I was lucky and didn't have to go down that route. I will keep my fingers crossed for you honey that 2009 will being you peace and lots of love. I have to go into Hospital for majory surgery on Thursday so may not be around for a few weeks. Please take care and hang on in there. x
Ellie I am sorry to hear about your surgery, and hope that everything will go smoothly!!!
Thanks for the words of support. Although I was venting, I did not vent on H, and am glad of that. It was a total moment of frustration, no response to my call of Merry Christmas. I was very upset, but I have spoken to him since. It is strange how he calls me when there is no need, and when he should, he doesn't!
Michelle...Happy New Year! I have decided that I am going to have a good year and focus on the positive in my life. It could be worse, H is still talking to me, and has not filed for D. Even though he wanted to split the cell bill 2 months ago, he still hasn't done it. (That one confuses me just a little because he seemed so gung ho...)
My own insurance will kick in at my job in 10 days, and I called H Tuesday to let him know, and left a message. No need for a response, just fyi...and he called back. Crazy man.
I still have moments, even 15 months later, where I miss him so much it is an ache in my heart. But I am on the right path, and I am hanging in there because, in my heart and soul, I know that is what I am supposed to do.
Now, if someone would light a fire under his butt so he would hurry up.......
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I am beginning to question my sanity. I am wondering why I keep hanging in there.
But at the same time, I keep getting these strange signs, and I cannot ignore them and chalk them up to coincidence.
As most of you know, my H is from Germany. (Damn stubborn German). It seems whenever I get low, that is the word that seems to pop up. From the day I was in the cemetery wandering and found the headstone with the name Germany, to the books (3 books...) I have read this last week that somehow seem to mention German somewhere in the text. I have a friend who went to midnight mass, and told me that one of the hymns was sung in German. As many times as I have seen him driving, driven past him on the freeway, run into him in that restaurant. Somehow, I feel like God is now allowing either of us to be very far from the other's mind.
Is there anyone else out there who questions their sanity? I wonder if I have just gone off the deep end and can't recover...and then sometimes I think its really not all that abnormal for me to want to continue to try and work towards this...
But he has pulled away again, and I know it has nothing to do with me, but with the job. It kills me that this job seems to be taking up all of his time, and I wonder if it is so that he does not have to really deal with any of this.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
