My situation is very similar, except my H had EA with woman at work and then told me he was leaving because he was so in love and he wants a divorce because he does not want me hanging around for him.
I went dark about 4 weeks ago and initially he kept contacting me but the last 2 weeks he has found a place to rent with OW and once he moved all his belongings out I have not had any contact from him. I am not going to get in touch and am getting on with my life. I think you always have hope but it is something that you don't let control you. I am meeting new friends and doing things I enjoy doing and IF he comes back then I will think about that then. It means I am not waiting around so if he doesn't come back then I won't even be bothered!!! (hopefully) I have to let go, as I said to my H that you can't make major decisions as an adult based on emotions (to which he replied it was the only decison he could make!!) and hence I have to do the same. IF he comes back I need to make a decision on whether I want him back for the right reasons. My decision at present changes like the weather in London!!
It is hard but it gets better. Life has bad patches but it has a lot of good patches too...keep a look out for those.
Me - 32 H - 35 T - 6 yr, M - 3 yrs no kids bomb Aug 08 (suspected June 08)
Samina has the right idea. Just go forward (as hard as it is) and make your life a fun place to be. Don't pin your happiness on him or what he does.
FWIW, I'm here if you need to talk/vent/et... regarding the pregnancy thing. I certainly feel your pain.
(((Hugs)))
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
I know you H is not in the best frame of mind BUT....
As a man, how do you explain the sitch to his soon to be child?
Johny, you see Mommy was married to her husband Bill.... Mommy got pregnant with Mary and Jose is her Daddy... Bill legally adopted Mary..... Mommy got pregnant with you and I am your Daddy...
Forget about morals and character for a minute. What man wants to be in the middle of all of this with two other men?
RMG
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
As a man, how do you explain the sitch to his soon to be child?
RMG...thats the problem, they don't think about these things. I have often wondered what my H and the Troll are going to tell their child about her origins.
They have "Scarlett O'Hara" thinking...I won't think about that today, I'll think abou that tomorrow. Thinking about those type of realities take the "fantasy" out of the fantasy and that would be a total buzzkill.
You are looking at this from a rational stance, he is in a fog and for all intents and purposes might as well have been abducted by aliens. What man would go and engage in a PA at the married OW's house while her H is HOME? This is not a person who is firing on all cylinders.
Donna, do yourself a favor and take care of yourself. Do the very best you can for you. ((((hugs))))
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
It's very odd how things happen. I'd read a reply from someone that said they asked God to talk to their S since they weren't actually communicating themselves. Well, last night, I did just that. While I was out on lunch, I stopped by the post office and guess who I ran into? Yes, my H (talking on his cellphone to OW of course). He saw me as he went in, then had to pass by me on his way out (surprise-off the phone). He said a little hello and I replied back hi. That was it. I just wanted to grab him and shake him, maybe even smack him upside the head a little, but I didn't. I was so proud of myself for just returning his greeting and leaving it at that. When I got back in my car, I thought, maybe that was God's way of saying hello to him today. I have never ran into him at the post office before and any combination of things could have stopped me from doing it today. I know this is such a little thing that I probably shouldn't have shared it but I'm easily amused at life sometimes. By the way, I looked GREAT!
YES YES YES! This is what I'm talking about - God was talking to him - saying hey look it over hear. And I will tell you, it's there in the back of his head seeing you. And it will go bye bye when he's back in the fog, but every once in a while he'll remember. I remember when this Bomb happened before and we thought we repaired our M back then, H told me of a time something he heard reminded him of me and he tried to get it out of his mind and talked himself out of it. But it happened again in a different sense and made him think of both occasions and that was the start of what got him thinking about coming back. So those LITTLE things are really BIG!
Their so in the fog and like Sugar and Spice said, their in fantasy land they don't want the buzz kill so they don't think of the reality. Like my H is searching for OW and he tells me ALL about it, and the results are PATHETIC - he's got these woman 1) who are willing to date a guy who says he's separated and yet living with W and won't be able to file for another 1yr to 2 yrs. 2) The really pathetic part on my H's part is these woman are yanking him around, making him wait last minute to make plans then backing out, calling and saying sorry my friends don't think I should see you, maybe we can do this again later, (while their friend is in the background saying not you buddy). And these woman are in different states. I mean they are not interested but he BENDS over backwards for them, moving out of our bedroom and starting to wash his own clothes and making his own dinner - for WHAT? They won't even give him a date, or if they do they make him crazy about it. SOOOOO SAD! I'm am fully prepared for one of these to work out, but I read that the chemistry thing lasts 6 months to 2 yrs tops before the chemicals that make you feel the euphoria is gone. Well I'm not sure if I'll be around that long, but I am sure it will END, these WAS are fooling themselves if they think the next will be never ending. AND WE are fooling ourselves if we think that just going status quot the rest of our lives with our spouse will keep us happy. We always need to keep our GAL skills, and 180 practices to keep life fresh.
Jen Me 32 H 35 Married 8yrs 3/11/2000 - Together 10 yrs No Children
1st Bomb - 7/1999 2nd Bomb - 8/2004 3rd A - 10/2006 4th A & Bomb - 10/12/08
Done sweeping things under the rug, I need to start doing something...But what?
