I've been posting in newcomers and MLC but I've come to a new place with my feelings about all this and I feel like I should at least consider the fact that I may have to leave at some point.
My H is in MLC, but things aren't as bad as they could be. He lives at home and things are polite. Our sex life is probably better than has been in past few years because I am paying more attention to it, but even this isn't entirely comfortable because we're not friends anymore so its difficult to be lovers.
H spends 95% of the time he's home in the basement watching sports or playing video games. We have polite conversation. No R talk. Since he dropped the bomb about a month ago we have been living life as if everything is OK. I've been starting to live a life separate from him with interests in friends and working out. Maybe even going back to school for a second graduate degree. I have no idea what he's doing when he disappears for hours on the weekends. I'm 90% certain there's no OW.
He's here, but I don't think I can live the rest of my life with someone who merely tolerates me? Someone who won't make any proactive moves to fix things? Since he's in MLC, I can't be the one to pursue him about making things better because I don't want him to run.
I've been considering a long term strategy to send him a letter in 6 months asking if his feelings have changed for the positive or negative. Based upon the response to this letter I can decide my next move. It will help me get through the next 6 months just knowing that I have some kind of plan instead of just living in this limbo.
Has anyone ever developed a strategy before they left?
Married - 19 years Noticed Problem - Aug 2008 THE Conversation - Oct 2008
The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
Hi, limbo land is awful isn't it. I just had a couple of random thoughts as I read your post.
You are giving him an awful lot of power. You are going to wait 6 months, see how HE feels, then make your decision. That seems sort of backwards.
You can't pursue him, but you can sure reward him nicely whenever he gets close to you. What are his love languages ? If you start filling your own love bucket, & his, things have to get better. Especially since you guys are still polite, & having sex.
If I were you, right now I'd focus on being the best wife possible. I'd do all those things he always wanted me to, but I was too tired, or didn't feel like it. I wouldn't make a big production out of it, I'd do it subtle, gradual. I wouldn't chase him, you are right, he would run, anybody would. But, you can sit still with a nice big sandwich & wait for him to move near you & offer it to him.
People change their feelings when being around that person makes them feel good. Try treating him like a new boyfriend for a few weeks, & see how he responds.
Since you are still having sex, that's a perfect time to tell him that you realize he is not happy, & that you'd like him to be happy again soon. Ask him what he wants in the R.
Can you guys talk openly like that ?
take care limbo is horrible I agree
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
