Well its another wonderful day to be alive. The link above is to my last thread and nothing is new and nothing has changed.
My H is a gambling addict that has chosen his life of gambling and hanging out with his pregnant troll to being a father to his 2 kids with me. He called me from the cardroom last night to borrow money and of course she was there with him. I don't know about you, but if I was a week away from delivery, sitting in a cardroom, playing poker all night long wouldn't be my first choice, but then who am I to judge right?
If I sound the least bit angry or bitter, its because I am. I am mad at myself for wanting to believe. I am mad at myself for putting up with things that under any other circumstances I wouldn't have. Love makes you do stupid and desperate things. It makes you blind to the truth, even when others point it out. It makes you able to believe the most outrageous and outlandish things, just so you can get up in the morning and sleep at night.
I'm in a pretty bad place right now and I appreciate all of the help and advice I have received here. Even if I don't always agree with some of what I'm told, I know I have needed to hear it for my own good. Thanks to all of you that have kept up with me and tried to help me, especially when I didn't listen. You all have helped me through one of the darkest times of my life and I am eternally grateful for every comment and piece of advice I have ever gotten. Thanks to all of you. I don't know where I would be without your support.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Much like you, I have been completely mad at myself for doing what I do or have done. I believe that we are way better off. I know YOU are, considering what a dumb ass your H is. We all know you tried and tried.
Not saying that you should give up. But I did agree with GF. There really is nothing you can say to him. Nothing you really HAD to say to him. He knows it already, you know? Just leave him be. Who knows what the future brings. You tried being there for him. You said he had no one else to turn to.
He has her, so let him have her. Let her deal with his ass. You've already been there, done that.
So have I. You know how much alike we are. I'm done trying. I just need to leave things be and see what my future holds for me. It may include her someday and it may not.
Right now, you and I WILL be better off.
Just leave him to his miserable life and keep moving forward with yours. That's my plan from now on. Your a fantastic mother and I'm a fantastic dad. I'll deal with my issues as will you.
That's all that matters and that's all we can do.
Love ya' and bear hugs to ya'.
Damn, I was taking too much time posting and Yenko beat me. No drink for me.
Last edited by hopeful4her; 11/03/0803:19 AM.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
I needed something different. Loaded up way too much last night. My bud only drinks Lite beer so thats all we had. I can drink a case and still only have a buzz.
I prefer a beer with some oomph to it. Been getting into Blue Moon lately. Its gooood!
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
If I sound the least bit angry or bitter, its because I am. I am mad at myself for wanting to believe. I am mad at myself for putting up with things that under any other circumstances I wouldn't have. Love makes you do stupid and desperate things. It makes you blind to the truth, even when others point it out. It makes you able to believe the most outrageous and outlandish things, just so you can get up in the morning and sleep at night.
Hey, I'm there too. I wanted to believe and put up with things that I wouldn't and shouldn't. Love is nuts. I think we just need to maybe find someone to love that can love us back, healthier or whatever. Your H if he ever gets his chit together or if not then someone else? Someday soon I think most or all of us will be in great Rs, I really believe that.
And right back at you about help and advice. You've always been there for me and one of the main people here that have really helped me get through the past year. ((((Corey))))) Karen
It makes you blind to the truth, even when others point it out.
BTDT.
Quote:
It makes you able to believe the most outrageous and outlandish things, just so you can get up in the morning and sleep at night.
Right again!
Corey, I hope you realize that in NO WAY am I ever telling you that you are wrong. There is no right or wrong here when it comes to your emotions. You are free to feel whatever you are feeling - you have that right as we all do. I'm just trying to help you see what I see from the outside looking in - the things that are NOT helping your sitch. On both sides - H's as well as yours.
Originally Posted By: Sugar and Spice
Originally Posted By: GoingForward
He needs to SEE what the true consequences of his actions are.
Unfortunately what he will SEE is still a while off, but it builds everyday.
So why allow it to build? Why let it get to that point? Why not take charge of YOUR LIFE - right now? Why keep putting your life, your well-being on hold while waiting and waiting for H to hopefully come around? Do you think he's doing that for you? He's not, and you know it. He's out at the card room with the stupid a$$ Troll, blowing money together...and calling YOU to help bail him out.
Why not show him now what he is going to lose? Before your feelings about the M and towards him harden any further?
Do you HONESTLY think things are going to be any different once that baby is born? Whether he is the father or not?
I know these are hard questions, and the emotions are a real b*tch, and I might be coming off that way myself , but please, Corey - Wake Up. Stop letting your H and all his BS drag you to the ground. It starts with not believing everything H wants you to believe, and not believing what your heart wants you to believe either.
(((((((Corey)))))))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
Corey, I hope you realize that in NO WAY am I ever telling you that you are wrong. There is no right or wrong here when it comes to your emotions. You are free to feel whatever you are feeling - you have that right as we all do. I'm just trying to help you see what I see from the outside looking in - the things that are NOT helping your sitch. On both sides - H's as well as yours.
GF, I know. Don't ever think I don't know that you are only trying to help me....
Originally Posted By: GoingForward
[ So why allow it to build? Why let it get to that point? Why not take charge of YOUR LIFE - right now? Why keep putting your life, your well-being on hold while waiting and waiting for H to hopefully come around? Do you think he's doing that for you? He's not, and you know it. He's out at the card room with the stupid a$$ Troll, blowing money together...and calling YOU to help bail him out.
I have always been the type of person to just allow it to build up and then blow. The thing that is happening this time is this...I'm mad, I've allowed it to build, but instead of wanting to be mad, I'm just indifferent. I just don't care. I know hes not done/doing ANYTHING to help himself. I know that this is the life he has chosen, I get it.
Originally Posted By: GoingForward
Do you HONESTLY think things are going to be any different once that baby is born? Whether he is the father or not?
Nope, I predict she will be pregnant again before the year is out. Nothing is going to change, its all just BS. His C is eventually going to get tired of his BS too. Why try and help someone that doesn't want to be helped? He pays it lip service, but I'm not buying it. I'm just tired and need some space while he does whatever. I need some peace.
He hasn't called all day and neither have I, I don't have anything to say to him. He called to tell the kids goodnight tonight and I had nothing to say. He actually had the gall to say "I love you" when we were getting off the phone and my reply was "bye." Then I shut it off. Silence speaks the loudest.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
He hasn't called all day and neither have I, I don't have anything to say to him. He called to tell the kids goodnight tonight and I had nothing to say. He actually had the gall to say "I love you" when we were getting off the phone and my reply was "bye." Then I shut it off. Silence speaks the loudest.
((((Corey))))
So true. And helps you the most I think.
Take care.
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
I'm sorry. I think he is confused, but I also thing he doesn't really want to do anything to become non-confused. I think NC as much as you can. For you. Not for him. Not for the M. Just for you.
HUGS!
Last edited by Virtually_Handsome; 11/03/0807:57 AM.
, but please, Corey - Wake Up. Stop letting your H and all his BS drag you to the ground. It starts with not believing everything H wants you to believe, and not believing what your heart wants you to believe either.