I thought about this and I can't show her too many of them like going to the beach because she doesn't really want to spend any time with me at the moment.
Does she like a special type of candy that you may leave for her? Does like a particular flower that you can send to her. Is there any song that makes her happy that you can play for her or send to her? Does she have a hobby that she is happy doing, maybe something that she could use in her hobby? These are just a few ideas, if over done could be considered chasing or pushing. However something very small that only the two of you have enjoyed. Something that no one else knows about. For example, my W likes malted milk balls. I put a box of them in with her mail. She found them after she got back to her place. It was a surprise. She was alone when she found them and emailed me to tell me thank you. Just something stupid or dumb thing that made your W smile.
I doesn't have to be anything big, just something that would reminder her of some good time you had together that would make her smile. Start with a smile and then work up to happy and then very happy.
Well, I'm afraid that anything I do like that would be considered chasing. I asked my coach what that was and he said that I need to treat her like my sister or something. If I wouldn't do it for my sister then I shouldn't do it.
Which makes it extra hard because I feel like if I don't she will think that I don't care anymore.
Today I wanted to take my kids out. My youngest girl was sick so I took my oldest out to lunch with me and then we went somewhere to play some games. My wife was over her Moms house with my youngest. After we got home my daughter wanted to go over where my wife was so I took her over there. It was wierd because I'm not really welcome over there. I dropped her off and went back home.
I had rented the new Indiana Jones movie yesterday. When my wife came home, I had just started it. I was surprised that she was interested and we actually watched the movie together on the couch. There was no touching but at least she felt comfortable enough around me to watch a movie.
After the movie we put our girls to bed and I told her goodnight. She is still sleeping on the matress in her craft room. No idea if she will get tired of that and come back to our bed or not. But at least we had a nice movie together. I think that is a bonus. She's still not wearing her ring. But baby steps - baby steps. I need to make every interaction with her pleasurable so she gets more and more comforatable with me. And the more I do that, I think it will be harder and harder for her to justify leaving.
I understand, maybe it is chasing. Maybe later. However, the night of watching a move together is a start. All of the baby steps will lead to bigger and bigger steps. I started out with baby steps and now I am making jumps. Every step gets you closer.
Thanks for the encouragement. I'm trying very hard to GAL and keep my thoughts on myself and my kids. It is a start in the right direction because she didn't want to be around me at all before.
I know why she is not sleeping with me anymore though.. She doesn't want me to know when she goes to bed late at night and she also said it stresses her out. Maybe after a while she'll come back to bed if I keep up the good work and not stress her out. I'm not expecting anything, just something that I noticed.
We also had a conversation about Christmas. She said that she was going to only put up a small tree this year because they're leaving Christmas day to go to a wedding in Arizona. I told her that I was going to put up all the decorations and I was going to get it all set up for us. She didn't want to take it down either and I told her that I would do that as well. So the day after Thanksgiving, I'm going to start on things and get Christmas going. I told her our girls deserve to have it no matter what and that I will do that for them regardless if they're leaving Christmas day or not. I'm doing it for the girls. I'm also doing it because thats what a good father would do for their kids.
I was thinking about something that my psycologist told me. He said that about a year ago, his wife said that she didn't think he was the right man for her. She had been looking at another man and thought he was all that and a bag of chips. Instead of being angry and all that stuff he fully supported her. He told her to take two weeks with this man and see if she thought it was the right thing to do. It turned out that they are still together and still married.
How does this equate to what I'm doing? Well, since my wife wants to play the game so much, maybe she will like it if I fully supported her playing it? I remember in an email that she sent to someone else who then in turn sent it to me, said that she just wants to play the game and me leave her alone and stuff. Maybe if I fully supported her playing the game it would give her the freedom to play and not think that I want to make her quit. Then maybe she would think that I'm truly releasing my resistive behavior and maybe she would stop running even less when it comes to our relationship. I mean hell, at this point she is leaving at some point. Maybe if I fully supported her in playing the game that she would trip out a bit and relax even further.
Not sure - what do you guys think? I don't want her to have to feel like she has to hide her game playing at all from me and I guess if I can't beat them join them. I wouldn't be playing nearly as much as she does but maybe she would feel much more comfortable about it and maybe she would invite me in. The more I tighten my grip, the more she slips through my fingers. Maybe this is one area where I could relax quite a bit and it just might do wonders to our relationship.
Your C is a better man than I am. You would be too. I had trouble handling the idea that W was going to take off her wedding ban. I do not think I could deal with knowing that she is dateing some else.
You do what you have to do, but I would really consider how you will feel when she does it. In my opinion I think you are playing with gasoline. And you should always expect the possablity of getting burned when you play with it.
Yeah but the thing is when I talk to her about the game, she talks to me a lot. It's all she does lately and if we don't talk about that, we don't talk about anything really. I think that the only way I'm going to be her friend is if I support her in her decision to play all the time. Right now what do I have to lose? Nothing, she already said she is done and she wants out and would have left if she had somewhere to go. I think it is important for me to be her friend. Listen to her when she talks, be there for her no matter what it is she is doing.
This is all I've got. I can't do anything else really and I know that she always wanted me to be there for her. So I guess I need to be there for her. No matter what I do she is still going to play the game so I might as well make the best of it. If I don't talk to her about it, we could drift farther apart and it would create static. If I talk to her about the game she gets excited and loves to tell me all about what she is doing in the game and all that. We've talked more today about the game than we have about anything in the last month. I really think I'm on to something here. If I can build her friendship and trust again I think I'll have something to work with. Once she sees that I'm friendly and I can talk to her without talking about our M I think that she will be more open to me taking her out every now and then.
I just really think that if we never talk, we'll never connect so I have to go into her realm. Like I said, I don't think I have anything to lose.
Any more opinions now that I've explained it a bit?
