No more real updates. Just H did reach out by IM today, but only with a few sentences. He told me the food was good where he was at, what the weather was like etc. Still, after last weekend, I'm looking for every sign possible to (hopefully) validate that we've made progress. I appreciate the fact that he reached out at all, instead of just freaking out and remaining silent. I am not going to push or send emails etc., but am going to let him take the lead. He knows how I feel still, I am sure...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
You are right ITH it is great that after such an intimate weekend that he is reaching out. No pushing and Daisy is rigt about the signs of affection as sometimes these scare them.
It is always good for the PMA to do so...she was truly surprised at the amount of progress that has been made so far. She said that there are very good signs. She liked the fact that we didn't bicker at all when away together this weekend. She said that I should not bring up the things he said while drinking, like the sort of future talk, but that it was still good that we could be like that together.
My formula is-not to pressure, and to remain strong. Basically she thinks that the biggest issue my H has is not liking himself around me, not liking the way that he treats me. Obviously when I broke down and cried in bed, this was not a good thing. However in the email the next day where I told him not to contact me about our R via IM/email, this showed that I was setting boundaries. She suggested that when I am here, I take the initiative to leave on my own, and just make sure to leave while things are going well, so that he will miss me. She said that I might even want to not be here on Friday night when he comes home, that I leave a really nice note and dinner and just say that I understand how taxing business trips can be, and wanted to give him some down time, but that I am looking forward to our plans this weekend. I'm really torn on this one as my plan had been to go to drinks, dress up, and come home looking really cute in a sexy leopard outfit! Any thoughts on this one? I am thinking that I might base my decision to be here or not on the interactions we have over the next 2 days...It definitely would be a 180 for me just not to be here. She thinks that if I start doing this when things are going well, he will start asking me just to stay. She wants to make sure that I come across as having my dignity. I agree that this is what I need to do, so will think hard about whether I would have more dignity on Friday by doing GAL activities or just not being at home...
In terms of bringing up R talk, she says I should not. When he does this, I should try to diffuse what he says into something like, "so I hear from you that I am pressuring you", or something along these lines.
She says I should still set my expectations as stage 1 expectations, because H has so much negativity within him. We are being friendly, but this doesn't mean the negativity has all lifted. In terms of how I interact with him now, I should see him as a guy who I really like, and who I want to get to do more of the work in pursuing me. She thinks he needs to take on some of the work. I couldn't agree more, and really love that idea!
Any thoughts on this would be great, on whether I come home late on Friday as a sexy leopard or don't come home and leave a note...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Thanks for that! I'd love to turn my H into a blithering idiot instead of just an alien!
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
I agree with Jody... not being there when he expects, right after you have had days when things are going well sounds like a great idea. It will create space for him to miss you right after some positive engagements. Interesting that eventhough you went off to Galway at the weekend and ML and share a house.. she still sees you as in stage 1 ! I can see the logic in that though as he is still passive aggressive toward you and not exactly a relaxed friend. I think I would have defo done her suggestion, if it hadnt been that Friday.. but then, maybe do the note and dinner and be out of the house for the earlier part of the evening and rock up later on? As a compromise?
She is very good isnt she. Real genius !
Ali xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Yes any other night but Friday and I'd be ALL OVER Jody's suggestion. Right now I'm on the fence. Ali-I know you have said that astrologically Friday is a good day. Combine the fact that this happens to be Halloween and my chance to wear a slutty outfit without looking like I'm trying too hard, and it becomes very tempting to be at home, well to come home anyway...Ali you suggested the compromise idea. I think if I do this I will leave dinner, and Halloween candy to give out, and a very brief note, saying only something like "will see you later tonight-probably be home late, going to a Halloween event with coworkers."
Sep-I posted a picture of me in the leopard costume from a team event last year on FB (before I lost a substantial amount of weight). Do I go for this, or do I go for the dignified option of not being at home?
Ali-are you on FB?
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Yes, I am, as AliSuddenly, or look for Kalni Sunshine.
I'm not sure that Friday is so special a night, but its got a sweet link from Venus to something (cant remember!) but generally, thinks are getting closer to that Uranus-Saturn opposition on the 3rd, which should be hard to ignore. Especially for me, as it hits my Sun squarely at 18 degrees Pisces. I actually feel a bit fearful!
Ali x
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Thanks! Just sent you a friend invitation on FB...
Interestingly enough I used to be very into astrology but I sort of let that go...anyway have a moon in Pisces, sun in Capricorn, and rising sign is Pisces/Aries ascending, and H is Virgo, don't know the rest of it. Long time since I've used any of that terminology, like at least 10 years, but it's been really interesting to reconnect with it all...
Still debating on what to do Friday. I think I will wait for some kind of sign, and will maybe see if H reaches out tomorrow, and if so what that contact is like...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
I'd love to turn my H into a blithering idiot instead of just an alien!