For the Guy with Kids and a WW Diciotto

[hopeful4her]

Link to number 17,


http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1624766&page=2&fpart=1

Thanks for everyones thoughts and kind words.

I wasn't really feeling pain. I did feel sad listening to it. Thats her choice and I can't do anything about it except leave it in Gods hands.

But my patience wears thin. I was thinking today that I was going to give things until the first of the year. If it has to be to file, then maybe I'll have to.

My day was long today. The girls slept in my bed last night. They just wanted to sleep with me. I got them into bed but I stayed up until about 3:30.

I woke up about 8:30 but stayed in bed just watching the girls sleep and enjoying them being with me. D7 was up first, then D11 started playing around. We like to play alligator's. All laying on top of each other.

Church this morning. Afterwards, I went driving around MIL's neighborhood looking for garage sales. NONE. We saw 2 and they had crap. We head out to visit my parents for a while. Mom had just made homemade vegetable soup with beef. In Spanish, its called caldo. Caldo de res. Nothing like good homemade soup. Kids had fun. Only stayed a couple of hours. Head out to Target to return a couple things from D7's Bday party. I got her some Barbie stuff, a Barbie doll and a little panda the moves. D11 needed a heavy sweater, so I got her a nice thick fleece zip up. After Target, we hit Barnes and Noble. About an hour there. Then headed home at about 6:15. D7 fell asleep on the way home.

I get D7's stuff together to take back to the apartment. Not much. D11 gets her stuff. I call the wife to let her know that I'm waking up D7 and we should be on our way shortly. Finally woke her up and we head out at about 7:15. They say they're hungry, so we make a quick stop at Sonic. On the way to Sonic, I noticed a missed message from the wife. Not sure why I missed it. VM is asking about the scooters and if the girls could bring them so they can ride them there. I don't return the call. At the apartment, they go in and I take their bags in. No hello from the wife. I give her a couple of papers for D7's school.
She hand me a remote control. I look at it confused. "Its goes to the house." It was a control to a satellite box hook that was in S14's room.
She is surprised that they have food. She mentions to them that she was waiting for them and was cooking supper.

Oh well.

I say my goodbyes to the girls. The wife sounds frustrated. S14 isn't back from his dads either. I could tell by how she said it to D11 that she is getting the "my ex'es must be working against me" attitude. She asks about the scooters. I ask her if she checked the girls room and their closet, because I didn't have them. She says she did. D11 finds one of them in the entry closet. Then D11 can't remember if she left it at the house or not. She had brought it earlier in the week, but I was pretty sure she took it back out of the Explorer a day later at the apartment. I tell her I'll check for it at the house. Leaving, she is in the kitchen cooking something. I say goodbye to the girls again and point the remote at her and tell her, "I'll talk to YOU later" then turn to leave. She says nothing. D11 runs to the door and we start some some funny lines for Young Frankenstein. We had been doing it all day long. She really liked it.

I leave and go to the grocery store. Picking some banana's, MIL is walking past. I give a quick hello. She stops to get some banana's also. I ask how she is doing. She says good and asks me the same. I tell her that I'm getting by. I have to ask her why she seemed to look angry at me.

"You mean yesterday?"

The wife gets her smarts from her mother.

"Yes."
"Oh, I just don't want to be in the middle."
She we talk a little. I tell her I'm doing well. That I letting go of the wife. She agrees that I should. I start to talk about the wife and what she has done. MIL knows. I mention that I may start the kids with a therapist. She agrees that it is needed. She mentions that that is what the wife needs also.

"She says she's happy, but how can she be happy?" she says.
"I agree."
She asks if I still attend my church. She also used to attend. I tell her that I wish the wife would do something. She says she will. After a little more talk, she mentions that she doesn't not ask about our situation. She doesn't want to get involved.

Mother of they Year for her.

She says they hardly talk. That she helps her with money sometimes but other than that, no questions. I think she was more embarrassed yesterday more than anything. She mentions how D11 is taking things. I let her know that she is mad at her mother, but that I never talk bad about their mother. She says that me not moving on kind of makes it hard on the kids. That they think that I'm hurting too much.

I let her know that I'm moving on, and finding the good in me again. I tell her that the wife THINKS that I'm just sitting around thinking about her constantly, but I'm not. We talked about S14 also. We talked for about 20 minutes. I tell her goodbye and go about finishing my shopping.

Got some work to work on for tomorrow. See if I can get to it. I'm exhausted.

[lost_in_space]

H4H

I'll take the drink - just about done my red wine.

Marty Feldman was GREAT in Young Frankie. I will have to rent that one to watch again - has been a while.

Man, you have drama on a daily basis. I do think you handled things well today. The meeting with MIL - when is the last time you really talked? Maybe more of those coincidences from above????

Anyway, what can I say. Keep the faith as best you can - I say that because I think it is important to YOU. Be true to yourself and the rest will follow.

And of course, don't ignore wdid - she continues to be a real inspiration, doesn't she.

Take care bud.

[hopeful4her]

Thanks, bud.

Going to try to not have drama this week. I do have to contact the wife today to let her know that I will be going by the daycare to pay for the week and that I might as well pick D7 and take her to the apartment. I'll let her know by email.

Just thought I would talk a little. Put pen to paper or rather, finger to keys

I didn't mention that I was trying to call her apartment phone last night, but the call kept ending. I thought it was my phone having a problem. I tried it again when I called this morning to tell the girls to have a good day. Same thing. Had to call her cell. Talking to D11, I asked her to ask her mom if the phone was working. I could hear her in the background saying that it isn't, but that it will be working later today. She will leave the cell phone at the apartment for D11 just in case.

Then I remembered that she doesn't have cable right now. Since Thursday, I think. I currently don't have my satellite right now either. I can't pay it until this Friday, but she has that bundle package. Internet, cable and phone. Remember, I saw her bill around D7's Bday. She owed like $220. More financial reality for her. Her electricity bill was about the same. Then rent coming up next week. She knows that I don't have channels right now either. I haven't had it since Tuesday. More important things to pay. D11 had mentioned it to her. On Thursday, I heard her telling D11 that we jinxed her and that she didn't have cable either. On Friday, when we were trying to see where the girls would stay the night, she asked if I had my satellite back yet, and I told her no.

Financially, were both screwed.

Also trying to figure out Halloween. Something we ALWAYS did as a family. Every year, we take the kids to MIL's neighborhood. It is her week this week. Do I try to join in?

[lost_in_space]

Financially, were both screwed.

One of the stark realities. Financially, no one can win in these sitches, and my view is that the K's are the ones that lose out the most. Bud, not sure what I can say but I feel for you on that one. My W hasn't begun to think finances as far as I can see... nothing has hit her yet.

Also trying to figure out Halloween. Something we ALWAYS did as a family. Every year, we take the kids to MIL's neighborhood. It is her week this week. Do I try to join in?

Whew - slippery slope there. What do the K's have planned? Have they said anything? I know we do not want to put the K's in the middle of anything, but maybe play what you do by ear a bit based on what they say / have said?

[InLikeFlynn]

I would try to keep up the appearance that its financially worse for her than you. That the kids would be better off with you and have more fun i.e. satelite/cable etc... when hers is overdue. Also never say I don't have any money this week etc!! To me its just makes the OM look like Mr. Money bags versus poor old you! Just a thought. You may not be able to do that, but I would try. Even if I had to take a small loan out or borrow from the parents or siblings....I would never allow the OM to think he is better!!

[hopeful4her]

I would never have told her about my satellite. D11 had blabbed it to her. She's Queen Whiner. Had to tell her the truth when she asked because she would have just asked the girls.

She realizes the position I'm in because of our sitch. It was not the best when she was still at the house. Due mostly in part to her job loss last year. Lost her job last July and didn't work again until this past February. Also her illness, a stroke and mini stroke.

And I'm pretty sure that she'll get sick again. I hope not, but chances are not on her side.

[karen43]

Financially, were both screwed.

Also trying to figure out Halloween. Something we ALWAYS did as a family. Every year, we take the kids to MIL's neighborhood. It is her week this week. Do I try to join in?

So are we!!! Totally screwed!!! And the poor kids, too, which is the worst!

I don't know about halloween either. H's night is Halloween, he always takes them on Friday so that sucks for me!!! Do you think he would let me have an hour or something to take her, and then he could take her the 2nd hour or something like that? They usually have a big Halloween festival downtown you know with pony rides, face painting, and stuff like that I'd love to take her to (we took her the last couple years) and H hates stuff like that anyway! (Oh, sorry I hijacked your thread!)


Or maybe your W will let you do that too? Kind of cut the time in half with you? Karen

[hopeful4her]

karen, hijack me anytime.

I feel really bad about the finances when it comes to the kids. They are already saying things like, "...well, if it doesn't cost too much..." We've done such a good job with them. My heart just swells when I think of them. I HATE what they are going through.

A lot of my budget goes towards food for them when they are here and entertaining them, so it made me feel bad for them not to see their favorite channels this week. The flip side was that we talked a little bit more, and picked movies that they haven't seen from my VCR library. And at least Amanda got to go see High School Musical 3 on Friday.

These holidays coming up are going to be a killer. Really dreading them. Will have to be in contact with the wife about it. Not much of a choice.

On Friday, our good day turned bad, I had copied her some email exchanges that I had with D11's math teacher concerning a missing assignment. The teacher had emailed both of us, but hers went to her Yahoo, which she hardly checks and cannot access from work. The teacher had emailed the assignment to me and I printed it for my knucklehead to work on this weekend.

Yesterday, leaving the girls with the wife, we realized that she had left it on our dining room table. The wife had made a face, like of frustration. I told them that I would email the teacher today and let her know if I could fax it or something.

I emailed the teacher with a very light note stating that D11 HAD done the work, but left it at home. The reason I missed it was because D7 had drawn a picture of herself and a puppy on the back of it. I told her that I take part blame for her not taking it. I could email or fax it to her along with D7's picture if she would like because it was a good picture.

I copied the wife to her work. I also sent an email to the wife letting her know that I would stop by the daycare after work to pay for the week and if I was there before her, I would pick up Juli and get her to the apartment. I also mentioned for her to let me know if she works late and needs help picking her up. I said Hi in the beginning and for her to have a good one, at the end. She replied a couple hours later that she was in a meeting that she hoped to get off early or at least on time and Thanks.

After work, I go to pay the daycare and the wife had already gone by to pick up Juli. I paid and left. I had talked to Amanda just as she got to the apartment after school. The phone was working again and she was watching tv. Cable was back. She told me that teacher told her that she could just take the assignment tomorrow. I told her that I would take it to her after work. I drive into the apartment complex and Amanda is out walking the dog near the entrance. I talk to her and give kisses. I give her the assignment and we are laughing at Juli's picture. I give her a kiss goodbye and remind her to call me before bed.

We'll see if she calls. Just finished dinner and getting ready to watch that John Cusack movie I still haven't watched. War, Inc.

BTW, I notice that my two favorite Texas teams stomped a couple other teams. I won't mention the defeated teams names, Kat and Yenko and Babygirl.

I WILL root for the Kansas teams when they play Texas A&M however.

[kat727]

Thanks, we are having a bit of a rough year but I will always be a Jayhawk even if we are in the cellar!!

kat

[Sugar and Spice]

H4H...where are you?