I've been awol for so long ,I wanted to come check in on you all. I'm sorry to see you are still in limbo land. I wish your wife would wake up and get in the fight with you. I think the letter could be interesting ,especially if you guys used to communicate that way in the beginning. The great thing about letters,is that the words are there, printed, ready for much re reading. Sometimes I think THAT is so key.
Hang in there. Thinking of you.
Chris
__________ Me:39 H:39 D:8 D:4 M:9 (T 13) Bomb 4-5-08, H moved out 6-16-08, Reconciled and H moved back in 5-31-09 Still doing GREAT a year later!!!
Jeff, I may have suggested it before, but if not, have you looked into Retrouvaille? Google it. I'll help you if you think you might be interested? It is a faith-based program, that works. Just not in my sitch. I replied to your post on my thread. Hope you are having a good day, my friend. Peace. Goldey
Me:44, WAW hx bi-polar H:48, hx of abuse S:22, S:19, D:16 Filed Oct 08, dismissed Filed again Jan 10, dismissed Now Piecing alter persona: SuperBoots
Did you do the letter writing thing at Retrovaille (and didnt I already ask you about this?) and you said you tried after or something and she thought it was pointless? I cant quite remember. I think yes, try again, but whereas they were love letters, is that right? Maybe this one should be a cards in teh table? What sort of things would you want to say to her?
I'm thinking of writing a letter too... Ali xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
(((((Chris))))) Thanks for visiting! I will have to go see how you are doing!
(((((goldey))))) Been there, done that! Didn't help for us, either. She didn't have any interest at all in continued dialog. She said something like, "We don't have any problem communicating. You just don't follow though." Which really means that she didn't have any trouble winning arguments, and I didn't let her control everything. Or something like that. The other thing that came out or Retrouvaille was that she didn't realize how important touch was to me. So, she promised a hug, or some other touch once a day. She managed to do that once. (That is ONCE, in case you missed it.)
Ali, yeah, you remember about right. The Retrouvaille letters are not love letters, they are a means of communication. The letters early in our relationship were not really love letters, either. They were more "slice of life" letters while we were in college. I think we both were hoping there was something there at the time, but neither of us was certain enough to actually go there. Though there was some tap dancing around it at times.
You don't know me, but I am Jeff's OW in England. I find him to be charming, helpful, friendly and a bit naughty, especially when socks are mentioned. And he gives the best hugs.
I really think you're missing out on a great guy, and I want to say that I don't really understand what would need to change for you to want to work on the M. I know you think that this is all Jeff's fault, but honestly, it takes two to tango and you do seem awfully distracted by quilting and complaining about the sink a lot of the time. Also, when flowers appear, appreciate them. it's a universal rule of womanhood.
Anyway, I would recommend that seeing as you seem to have an opinion about everything, you do something about your M. Maybe next time you're quilting you could put it down and go over to the Handsome man and give him a big hug and a kiss? Try it- you might even find you enjoy it. Hugs are good! If you don't do something, maybe I'll come over there and steal him away from you and we'll go sailing to Bora Bora on The Sunshine, with Sunshine and numerous other women who are in the Handsome Jeff-meister fan club. And maybe a big shock like that will provoke a bit of change.
Love
Lisa
PS> I bet you wear brown socks that aren't fluffy or comfy in any way. So there.
What do you think? I quite like it, although it's not much of a DBing letter! I'm quite keen to see Sunshine's!
ROTF!!! GREAT letter, Lisa!!! "Brown, non-fluffy socks" LMAO!!!
Perhaps a letter would be a good choice because then...as someone so kindly pointed out to me earlier today ...YOU would be in control of the 'convo'. You can say what you want without any interruption and without her turning it back around onto you - at least not immediately.
(((((Jeff)))))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
"Brown, non-fluffy socks" LMAO!!!
...YOU would be in control of the 'convo'. You can say what you want without any interruption and without her turning it back around onto you - at least not immediately. 
