Ok, is it bad form to quit on your 2nd day??? I don't like the job!! I mean it's kind of ok: I'm working in the gift shop, greeting people, answering the phones, secretary type stuff, supervising the volunteers, party planning, lots of spreadsheets (never used a Mac and not much Excel so that's challenging), and I think anything else they can think of. It's a non-profit so I think those are like that I've heard.
She said next week I'll start teaching art classes. (ok that's cool I know) I'm also a gofer, apparently she was saying Friday I'll be going to schools, almost a dozen, in this town which is fine, and also schools in the 3 towns around here. I figure by the time I'm paying daycare and gas, I'm going to wind up with 20 or 30 bucks. I do love dealing with the people and the art classes, but the director was saying today just try to cut them off quickly so you can get back to your other dozen tasks.
Another thing is I think they kind of want to have a full-time person for the part-time pay ($8 an hour). Working the galas and opening nights (1 or 2 a month) should be fun, but they were also saying today I could or will be able to take the laptop home to work at home too!!! I mean I'm still trying to homeschool the kids, keep a clean house, and do the 10 hours or so of activities with the kids! I'm feeling really overwhelmed right now. I'm sure it is great experience for the resume, b/c you truly do everything at this job. But the pay and hours suck for what I'm trying to do. I think it's going to be at least 25-30 hours a week which plus homeschooling and activities might be too much. So much for Miss Sunshine!!!
And then I get home and H emails me twice something about the bills. And I said can you explain what bills you want? And he emails back "the bill in the account". WTH? I'm tired so maybe that makes perfect sense but we have like 20-30 bills so can't figure that out! Y'all I'm so tired! And yes, I know I've been spoiled! Karen
It is going to take more than a day to see if you like your job. Of course the first day is awful because you don't know anything, then bit by bit you get more comfortable and your skills expand.
You didn't quit DB because your marriage isn't fixed did you? of course not. It is kind of the same thing. Give it a chance. Also keep track of any mileage and if they don't reimburse you then you could take it off of your taxes.
You have been lucky getting to set your schedule at home. Now it gets a bit more complicated. You are going to be fine.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
It is going to take more than a day to see if you like your job. Of course the first day is awful because you don't know anything, then bit by bit you get more comfortable and your skills expand.
You didn't quit DB because your marriage isn't fixed did you? of course not. It is kind of the same thing. Give it a chance. Also keep track of any mileage and if they don't reimburse you then you could take it off of your taxes.
kat
I agree the first day is probably always hard and should get some better because it was pretty awful. But after calculating gas/daycare it's going to be about $70 to $80 a week and I'll get paid only about $20 more than that so less than $1 a hour. With the 25 to 30 hours a week for $20 that just sucks. I'm homeschooling the kids before and after the job, come home and do dishes, laundry, etc. Finished up homeschooling around 8. I think it's a lot for $20 a week. I could probably just give up a haircut or 2 or stuff like that I'm thinking. Plus, maybe find a job with less hours or weekend/night job like I've been applying to so I wouldn't have to put most of my money into daycare. I'm bummed right now.... Karen
The one consolation over this is that I do think when the kids are older they will look back and remember who was the stable parent always there for them.
Oh, they absolutely, positively, without a doubt, will. This is exactly what happened to my sister and her kids when she and her X split.
You just keep on being a great mom, loving, supportive and CONSISTENT.
Don't give up on the job yet. Even if it doesn't turn out to be what you want (with the hours and pay) at least it's something current on the resume.
From reading your string of posts it sounds like you are a resilient person who galvanized yourself in the face of a very difficult challenge. Your reference to yourself as "trying to be patient and strong" and the fact you are on this website implies that you continue to have some level of investment in your marriage, even if you are not totally sure where you want to go. I understand. Everyone must deal with the question of when to say when, and only you know the answer to that.
Nonetheless, maybe a few more comments from an outsider to this situation might help. First, based on your posts, it sounds like you got a hold of yourself and avoided falling into the trap of escalating neediness and overpursuit of your husband. Congratulations, because that is a real challenge. It sets up options you would probably not have otherwise.
So - there's a lot of people I don't send 20 emails a day to. The list includes all of the people I have no emotional investment in as well as most of the ones I do. I would never put this much time into communicating with someone unless I had a fairly intensive level of attachment and/or emotional investment with them. This may or may not be true of your husband, but one thing that speaks for itself is that, for whatever reason, he was recently willing to spend a lot of energy communicating with you.
Emails are interesting because they can give you a record of your own way of communicating with someone and the relationship dynamics. It sounds like your recent communication follows a very common point - counterpoint way of communicating. While it may seem very logical, it can also drive people into very set patterns of defensive thnking and communicating. Why not try throwing your husband a curveball and see what he does with it?
Next time you interact with husband, unpredictably agree with or validate something he says where he is not expecting that response. If there's any part of you that can simply agree with something that you have traditionally disagreed with, then do so by simply saying "I agree" and leaving dead silence until he says something. Or if you can't agree altogether, simply say something to the effect of "I totally understand where you are coming from" and then leave the same dead silence. Or, if this is an email exchange, better yet. Post your reply and say no more.
Then, pay close attention to the changes in the ensuing conversation and see if this approach continues to be worthwhile through rerouting stale patterns of point - counterpoint communication.
A second option is to simply not reply and see if he escalates and/or changes the nature of his approaches or backs off altogether. Again, it's about testing alternatives to old ways of relating. If he backs off, you always have the option of coming back - if you want to - and explaining that for whatever reason you were not in a position to reply at that time. Once again, if the results seem worthwhile, put this one in your toolbox. If they don't, move on to another new approach.
