First off congrats on your w moving back home!!! What a break through and treat it as such.
Second, I like what SC had to say. All the raw serious stuff, maybe save it for your MC meetings and deal with it there.
Third. When I came back home in may, I dived in head first. WRONG! Be patient like you are doing. One of the first repiles I got back from my very first post on here was from a good and wise man that said I needed to control my breathing and slow myself down. Dont show any anger or frustration or expect your w to just jump in with both feet at first. That man was YOU Coach back in August in my first thread, Im so lost without her. So now I am telling you to do the same. But you already know this so who am I kidding!! LOL! Still, its good advice. It helped me.
Keep your chin up my friend. You are strong and are on the right track. You guys will be fine.
Joe
M: 37 WAW: 35 D's: 9 & 7 M: 13 Bomb: 01/28/08 Status: Limboland Total bomb drops: Lost count! Support: Here, God above, and now the Love Dare
Third. When I came back home in may, I dived in head first. WRONG! Be patient like you are doing. One of the first repiles I got back from my very first post on here was from a good and wise man that said I needed to control my breathing and slow myself down. Dont show any anger or frustration or expect your w to just jump in with both feet at first. That man was YOU Coach back in August in my first thread, Im so lost without her. So now I am telling you to do the same. But you already know this so who am I kidding!! LOL! Still, its good advice. It helped me.
Don't you just love it when people tell you to use the advice you gave them! Always easier from the outside looking in. I'm just sitting still holding the apple in my hand waiting for my deer to take it.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
It might take her months to be affectionate. She's testing you. Not intentionally. Subconsciously. She's trying to see if she can be herself, & if the "old" you will show up. Just keep doing what you're doing.
I can hear the frustration in your voice. You are being everything she wants, now you want her to be everything you want. Goldey is right, you may not arrive at the same place, at the same time. You've been on a different page from her for a long time. It takes time to heal. She is healing right now. Don't expect your M to be how you want it right now. Just count the baby steps, & look for teeny tiny forward progress.
H told Doc for months that he felt like he was "on probation" with me. In a way he was. I need to see sustained changes. I still do. I still am afraid to be transparent with him. I was talking to him on the phone earlier, I said something, his voice changed.....he got his "interrogator" voice on & I felt my emotions that had been opening up, shut down again. It's hard to change those dances that you've both been dancing for so long.
You are in there for the long haul right ? No matter how long it takes ? Think about it, people work on their marriage their entire lives together. Just keep imagining the two of you, in your 80's holding hands while you stroll together.
GPS
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Goldey, Joe, Cookie, SMW and NDS, Thanks for stopping by. I moved over to piecing for a different perspective. I don't have this piecing thing figured out never had the DB figured out either so I guess that's normal for me.
Cookie, I hear you and I am seeing some positives. I want to imagine some other things beside holding hands in my 80s right now. Thanks for being you. GPS
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
The grass may be greener over the fence, but it still has to be mowed.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
