10/17/08 I called W several minutes ago, told her I was calling to find out how she was doing, she said she was better, that she has so much to keep track of, work her dad, the kids and with everything going on someone last night made her feel bad (hurt her feelings), they said something to her that upset her and since then she has been a mess. All I said was I was checking in on her to see if she was ok
I'm glad I didn't hug my W or say I was sorry she felt bad, because the only thing that would have upset her would be some one giving her trouble about WAS or WAM.
W cannot keep anything straight, this weekend was crazy, with soccer games, me working concession stand at parish, D6 and D6 birthday. I was constantly reminding W of the times she had to pick up the girls, when the soccer games were, she was running late all weekend, telling me at the last minute about a change in where we were having D6 and D6 birthday party (at the last minute I find out everyone was coming over to my house). She forgot where she put the presents for the girls, got lost taking the girls roller skating. It was a crazy weekend.
Yesterday W left for a week trip with OM, she won't be back until next Wednesday. I don't know where she went, she told kids she was going on a business trip. (she works at a small tavern/bar) She told me on Sunday she was leaving. I didn't ask any questions, other than when she was coming back.
Quote:
Karen: You could try to work on being a little friendly, but I don't think you should try to be her friend. I think she really needs more like the help of a C in my opinion. Does she see one or would she be willing to? Or if she is seeing one maybe she needs to switch to someone else? Maybe that's what you could suggest something like that next time she is clearly in pain?
No she doesn't have a C and she is not willing to see one. She doesn't think anything is wrong with her, she just wasn't cut out to be a mom and doesn't want to be tied down, she wants to run and do her own thing.
Quote:
Puppy: You're overreacting to my point. All I suggested was for you to add some common "please" and "thank you" courtesies in your interactions with your wife, especially in front of your children. If you don't feel you can do the hug part, then don't do that, but saying "thank you" and "goodbye" and such shouldn't really be that difficult.
Why, she said she appreciates all I do, well if I didn't take care of the kids who would. She appreciates that I take care of the kids so she can do what she wants. It's October 22nd and she hasn't taken the kids for a single day. A half of day here and there and that's it. She swoops in and takes them for a half of a day, buys them presents and takes them to places they want to go, like roller skating or McDonalds, I barley talk to W in front of the kids and when I do, I am polite with her but other than that it's no contact.
When you kick a dog so many times the dog learns to avoid you
M45 W41 M10.75 years D9, D7, D7, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08 Amount of time WAM spent with kids so far this month = 1.16666 days
I barley talk to W in front of the kids and when I do, I am polite with her but other than that it's no contact.
Not saying "thank you" is not polite. I'm seeing passive-aggressive behavior that you're modeling in front of your kids. I simply wanted to point it out to you, but you don't seem to want to hear it, so I'll drop it. My initial point was because you had more or less said that everyone on the board would be proud of you for the way you were treating her, and I wanted to distance myself from that thought, because I don't think you're getting it.
Well, I try to think of it as friendly, but not a friend if that makes any sense. Yeah, hi, bye, and thanks and just re: to stuff about the kids. I try anyway!!! And I do have some days where I don't feel up to dealing with H and his moods so occasionally I go off or just work out or whatever and just avoid him for a day when I'm feeling weaker or lower PMA or whatever. Because it is hard to be friendly 100%; I mean we're human. I'm still a million times nicer/friendlier than H is to me, so anyway my take on that!!! Karen
Just take the high road, Jeff. Be the better person in all regards. Your kids will notice and you will feel better about yourself.
I think about you frequently!
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
It is so evident to me, through your posts, that she needs some psychiatric help. Is there some way to get her some? I'd be a little concerned if she ever DID take the kids for any length of time.
Hey everyone, I'm still here, I took some time off to really think about what Puppy was telling me and I've been so very busy with the kids, house, work, it's been hard to find time to post anything.
First let me say that W only had the kids for just more than 1 day in October. That when she came back from her trip (I still don't know where she went) she had presents for all the kids. She has been very nice to me, bringing me stuff, like cookware, a music CD she thought I would like to download into my collection, etc. Which all seems so strange
Puppy I am always polite to W in front of the kids, and I understand where you are coming from. I even told W thank you today. She called our insurance agent and got all the car insurance straight. It wasn't much but it's one thing off of my to do list.
I do appreciate your input Puppy and you know I can be a hard head, stubborn old German. I need to get over W and move on with my life. A little difficult still because I'm still married, have 4 kids in tow, have places the kids need to be all the time and little spare change right now. But things will get better, so I'm optomistic about the future.
Hey Sara, Just take the high road, Jeff. Be the better person in all regards. Your kids will notice and you will feel better about yourself. I'm trying but its hard, I really don't engage W in any conversation but will respond politly to her if she asks me any questions. There are really no questions I have for her, oh yeah I do ask her some questions, when will you be bringing the children back but that question doesn't come up very often. Had W over for Halloween, several days ago we discussed Christmas and I could tell she wanted to know what I was thinking, I told her straight out she was expected Christmas morning over at the house before the kids woke up.
Hey whatdidido, Tell me again when the divorce is final? I don't know, waiting on W lawyer to finish up with the paperwork and expect everything to be wrapped up early next year. W would never listen to me about seeking any help, she doesn't think anything is wrong with her and she is happy that she doesn't have to deal with all the crap that goes along with being married with children.
W has D7 & D7 at their soccer game (cold night in St Louis) they are meeting me and D9 at D9 soccer game later on tonight. Then W is taking all the kids home with her (I had to pack a lot of stuff) and they are going to stay with their mom this weekend, until Sunday morning. I'm glad the kids get to stay with their mom, they need to see her and I need a break every now and then. I don't have anything planned, I have house and yard work to do, need to get an early start and keep focused, will be weird, the house is going to be so quiet.
I hope this post finds you all well and I wish the best for each of you. I continue to keep you all in my prayers Puppy, H4H, WDID, Sara, Karen, Kat and everyone else. I really do, I have to go now I'll come back soon, thank you all so very much
When you kick a dog so many times the dog learns to avoid you
M45 W41 M10.75 years D9, D7, D7, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08 Amount of time WAM spent with kids so far this month = 0.25
I've missed you. In fact I was meaning to get to your thread today. I hope you are able to use this weekend to recharge your batteries. Take care, you are in my prayers.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Thanks Kat - its soooo quite in the house, was thinking yesterday when the kids were running through the house screaming having fun chasing each other (which drove W crazy) that; that sound was music to my ears.
W was to bring everyone to D9 game, after D7 and D7 game but they were to tired, so she just went back to her apartment, so I had to drop D9 off at her apartment, first time I was over there, I didn't go in but called from outside and D9 went in, when W said googbye she said thank you and I love you
She must have been tired herself, who knows, I'm not going to dwell on it.
Went out with a couple of friends to the bar where W works owners are friends of ours, seen some people I haven't seen in quite some time had fun, I'm a little hung over.
I have so much work to do I don't know where to start, its going to be a busy day
When you kick a dog so many times the dog learns to avoid you
M45 W41 M10.75 years D9, D7, D7, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08 Amount of time WAM spent with kids so far this month = 1.25
So good to hear from you, Jeff. I was starting to get worried. Sounds like you are doing ok.
The "I love you"s your W throws out.......not sure what's going on there.......Kinda like "I love you" as my kids' father kind of love you? Or what? Strange. Wonder how her other life is going right now.
Anyway, enjoy your time to yourself. We all need that sometimes. Make sure to give yourself some relaxing time. I know you do a lot of work around the house. This is your chance for some quiet...maybe pick up a magazine or take a nap.....what a concept, huh?
And I do have some days where I don't feel up to dealing with H and his moods so occasionally I go off or just work out or whatever and just avoid him for a day when I'm feeling weaker or lower PMA or whatever. Because it is hard to be friendly 100%; I mean we're human. I'm still a million times nicer/friendlier than H is to me, so anyway my take on that!!! Karen