Your H is so confusing, but I'm so glad he's having the IC and listening to her, and learning a bit about himself. One thing you said about him not being able to make a decision and it leaving you in libo struck me. IMHO, I think it's really important to try and make a decision for yourself, and not be swayed by what he wants. I struggle with it myself a lot of the time, but in the end YOU decide what you want.
Personally, I think your sitch has such a lot of hope in it (in spite of the amount of confusion H has, and the difficult limbo it leaves you in). I hope H sorts himself out (and sees the preposterousness of the MOW situation) sooner rather than later.
Lisa: Your are right...ultimately I have to decide what I want...and right now, I want to hang on and hope for the best outcome. Some days, it isn't as easy to feel that way and I want the craziness to go away!
T: Thanks for checking in...I hope all is well with you and you had a good Thanksgiving....I'm a bit behind on your sitch...I will catch up pronto!
Jeff: You know I know...I know I know...you are right, the holidays will be interesting to say the least. I'm looking forward to S coming home to visit...and looking forward to my ILs coming. The BILS could stay away and I wouldn't mind at all.
One day at a time...
BA
Me:43 H:48 M:24 yrs T: 26 yrs 2 kids ILYNILWYA 8-07 - MOW 9-07 H moved out 8-2-08 Back 8-18-08 Affair continues Back home but not emotionally
H is always go.go.go.go...he can't sit still for a minute. Saturday he got me up at 6:00...off to breakfast...home to work around the house (we had a scheduled open house (our house is on the market) for Sunday). Rode 26 miles as it was beautiful here in the 60s...home to clean up...out for dinner...some minor Christmas shopping...home to bed almost 10 pm.....yesterday...up at 6:30....breakfast...church...home to finalize the finishing touches for the open house...off to bike another 26 miles...home at 3:30...shower, change, shopping for Christmas again...dinner...home to bed....
I'm exhausted. This is the kind of schedule we've been keeping on the weekends...I can't keep it up. There is no down time...no relaxation....we just keep "running" because H simply cannot sit still. If he does, he gets depressed, starts thinking about how awful his life is...how much he loves MOW and wants to be with her....so we keep on "running". I don't like it...I don't want to do it anymore....but I feel like I have to keep it up.
Nine groups went through the open house....the RE agent called and said one couple wants to see it again privately later this week. Yeah!!! Boo!!! I don't want to sell the house...I don't want to pack up all of our stuff and put it into storage and move in the the G.D. townhouse. But, on the other hand, we can't afford to keep making two mortgage payments anymore...something has to give....I just don't want it to be our home that gives....
I'm worrying out of turn I know. Just this nagging thing in the back of mind...that selling the house leaves one less string attached to our M....one less step to deal with so that H can just walk away. It makes me feel alone and vulnerable...home is my safety net...if it's gone, I feel like I won't have a safe place anymore.
My surgery is scheduled for Friday. H is supposedly taking the day off to take me and stay with me at home afterwards. Of course I am anticipating that he will have to "run out" and will be gone for hours (to see MOW no doubt)....so I'll be home alone anyway....why is he even bothering to take the time off?
My expectations are non-existent...but my hopes are for things to turn around...I'm getting antsy about making something happen one way or the other...but I know if I put that ultimatum out there...H will bolt...
Waiting to get through the holidays...and hoping for the best....I just can't emotionally handle any more stress right now...and I can't keep of this treadmill life....at least not on fast forward....I am exhausted.
Hugs.
BA
Me:43 H:48 M:24 yrs T: 26 yrs 2 kids ILYNILWYA 8-07 - MOW 9-07 H moved out 8-2-08 Back 8-18-08 Affair continues Back home but not emotionally
Hi BA Just to let you know I'm thinking of you. Your amazing! Your sitch is one of the hardest - no idea how you keep on being consistent.
I hope the house sale preparations are going smoothly. No wonder that it is upsetting - I would be going crazy to try and control my world, but you are somehow able to accept it. Amazing.
BA... do you HAVE to sell the house? You say you dont want to and you worry about the effect on your M?
Its amazing that things remain the same... although its bad that H drags you out of bed at 6.30 am and makes yuo ride 26 miles 2 days in a row.. at least he is willing to do stuff with you! Gosh I wonder what will break this impasse between you, him and MOW. I forget, does her H know about the A?
You have been through the emotional wringer and it continues.. I dont think any of us know what to suggest, as you cant seem to reach him. It doesnt seem to matter what you do? He is under her spell! Makes me think he is in the grip of an unhealthy Pluto transit (is about obsession and control or being controlled.) He's like a puppet on a string and shes yanking his chain. I might be wrong, but I'd be curious to look at his chart.. did yoiu ever send me his details? Always thinking of you...
Al xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
