UGGG I can't seem to get any good footing...

[AllW8SBF]

I just the other night told dh that I don't just wait or force my self to hit rock bottom as I'm falling out of the tree I try to grab hold of some branch to stop the fall so I don't have such a long way to climb back up.
And he asks me so what do you think I should do? And I tell him he should focus on a good thing in his life and build on that - for him he's trying to get into the radio bus and he's got some firm footing there.

For me I don't have any firm footing in site. And it's it driving me nuts.

We are living together but separated, well he's looking for someone as we sleep in the same bed. He wants what I feel is some mythical fantasy relationship. THE ONLY problem we have is sex, we don't fight except about that. We like the same things, we have 1 flipping tv but 3 computers for 2 people so we love to watch the same shows. But I'm LD and he's HD, but not for me anymore. I'm hoping that is a symptom because of the below...

I think I've been horrible with acting like I care, you know now that I think about this, I never wanted to seem too controlling so I'd let him do what ever, he'd chat, he'd look at other woman, he'd have an affair, and I'd just brush it off.

I ask you doesn't that sound like I DON'T CARE?

Maybe that is acceptable as gf/bf but not h & w. But how do I ask him not to do that? Especially without him saying I do that because I was just never into you?

Is that possible to be with someone for 2 years before getting married and then 8 years since then. There has to be something there right? Am I wrong?

Anyone have any answer for that- for I can't see through the cloud. I need some major affirmation or straightening out, so please speak your thoughts.