Convinced my M is over; trying to move forward.

[Little Engine]

First Thread (9/10/08)
Second Thread (10/1/08)
Third Thread (10/12/08)

Staying here for one more go.

[Babygirl]

OMG!!!!!! there you are!! I have worried to death about you! I even threw ya a rope yesterday incase in the wind you blew by! I am so glad you posted, I can relax a tad now!
big hugs from your tiny little neighbor!

[marriedCrazy]

I was over in Surviving looking for you. Hope all is well after the weekend?

[Little Engine]

Journaling

Had the kids this weekend and that was great. Although giving them back last night was tough. D6 was just frantically sobbing, S9 was holding back tears. They just don't understand and shouldn't have to be going through this mess. I hate myself for being a failure as a H and letting it get to this point. Although, my W is the one who is convinced that there is no other way but D. I couldn't even speak to W, just loaded up the kids and let them go. W called me later and asked if I was OK. I said I was fine and as usual was just short with her her and detached. She had some stuff to say about school and the upcoming Parent/Teacher conferences. I don't think I am going to be able to make it because they are scheduled too early for me to get out of work. Frankly, I'd rather let W handle it. She also asked about my work again, WTH? She never cared about work before, in fact she once told me to not bore her with stories about work because she didn't care. She then said, "I think the kids would do better if they knew they were going to see you sometime in between your weekends." I just agreed, but didn't have anything to add. There were several awkward pauses, where W was waiting for me to say something and I didn't have anything to say. She finally said, "Is there anything else?" I just said, "I don't know, you called me." She said, "I guess not." I said "Right then, goodbye." She said same and phone call ended.


Nice cool day today, rain tonight! Spent the morning mowing the yard. Took my truck to get the tires road force balanced, and the guy told me the upper ball joint was shot! I had the truck at the dealer a month ago to get a tie rod end replaced and they overlooked this. They are getting the truck back tomorrow and will have to re-align the wheels since they missed this. I'm not going to pay for two alignments in a month, since they should've seen this IMO. Frustrating!

[A in Ohio]

LE - Just caught up on your sitch. While it's hard (I'm having a down period right now) we understand that it's a necessary process to getting our lives back in order. I still content that if the kids weren't a part of this, it would be much easier. We've answered to God and did the right thing for our M.

Hang in there bro.

[Little Engine]

Hey Bg--Yesterday was a typical Kansas day wasn't it. I was around, but worked a different schedule and got out of work early. Just a few posts yesterday. Had a horrible headache and by 9:30 I was finished at work, so I cut out. Today my back is absolutely killing me. Not looking forward to the next few days of cold weather. I'm still wearing shorts. Came to the library today to get on the web and get out of the house. Sounds like your weekend was OK? I may not be here long, can't hardly sit!

[Babygirl]

I am so sorry bout your back!! I am not looking forward to the change in weather either, have to get so much wood in, cuz of the temps, and the rain, and get what I have covered. it makes me hurt when it changes. Since I dont know where you are lol, we had straight winds of 40 at least! it was crazy yesterday! why do they really call chicago the windy city?

so sorry about the kids, that breaks my heart, its so hard, I am thankful that my kids are older, that is one blessing about my messed up life right now.

sorry about your truck too, that would so annoy me, and if ya ever need it, my inlaws on a mechanic shop right up the road!!
HUGS be safe, feel the love, and i am praying for you

[Babygirl]

morning LE how is the back feeling today? any better? I hope so, or that it does before the end of the week when its gonna be in the 30's overnite!
Hugs!!!

[jame38]

Le
hang inthere things will get better. I know i keep saying that but i have to, and all of yall have to keep telling me the same.

[Little Engine]

Bg--Back is better, thanks for asking.

James--We are all in this awful mess together. That is why I am holding over here in "Newcomers" instead of "Surviving." Didn't want to leave all of you behind. Also, not quite ready to accept what seems inevitible. Although, everything I have been reading says that accepting reality is part of moving forward.

Journaling
Having a so-so day today. Lots to do at work, and I'm grateful for that. Emotions sort of over running everything else. Missing my family again. Thoughts of D6 crying on Sunday and re-reading the article "For The Sake Of The Kids" makes me mad at W for not even considering deeper MC. I just feel like we are leaving behind unturned stones in her rush to D. Truthfully, I really don't know what kind of M we would be able to salvage anyway. My family has taken the position that I will be better off without her and I can agree somewhat to their position. But, it is all about our kids, and the hurt that I see in their faces. For them, I could try my best to forget the pain W has caused me. They see it my way, she sees it hers. OM is nothing but an opportunist and a worm. He doesn't deserve any of the time he gets to spend around our kids.

W said last week or sometime the week before that her atty was forwarding the final agreement to my atty, haven't heard anything so who knows what is going on there. I talked to S yesterday as I was in a store. Couldn't really talk though. He didn't call back last night, tonight probably won't call as well. W is playing games because I have nothing to say to her on the phone.