For the Guy with Kids and a WW Dix-Sept

[hopeful4her]

The link to Diez y Seis

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1616132&page=1&fpart=1


Last night, I took a shower, laid down in bed for a while, fell asleep, and woke up at midnight! Missed the party. What a goober. Maybe for the better, anyway.

Went to church this morning. Part of the sermon was about not giving up. Leaving things in His hands. God is preparing us for something.

Some kind of message? I feel...hopeless isn't the word...just plain giving up on her. Is that the same thing?

After church, the wifes fave aunt and uncle from Laredo called me. Thought we could get together before they go back. I called the girls to see if I could pick them up yet. D11 tells me she would like to stay a little longer. They are getting ready to eat lunch. I ask her to call me when they're ready.

I have lunch with the aunt. Giving her some updates. She hasn't spoken to my wife since some time in July. Turns out they spoke on the phone the night we were arguing and I told her that "I can't wait until you move out, either!" I texted her the next day, apologizing for losing my temper. That night, I also through out at her, "...and oh yeah, you should hear what Aunt Frances and Joey(her fave cuz) think about you!"

Aunt Frances told me that the wife ended up calling her that night in tears. They spoke for a while. Sounds like the aunt didn't really admit to how she really felt. She more asked the wife why she felt the way she did. She just didn't love me anymore. Also tried use one event we had a couple years ago as ammo against me. Didn't really work. She knows the wife is cheating on me.

In talking to the aunt over lunch, she tells me that she also hasn't heard from my MIL since her dad passed away. The great grandfather whose funeral we went to in May, where she got sick again. We spoke for a while. She says that I look very well. She also tells me the wife is a lost cause, that I shouldn't wait for her, that I need to move on and if I happen to meet someone, the better for me.

Wow!

I did let her know that I will leave a door open for the wife and she told me not to. Just move on. Leaving, they invite me over anytime. Even if I'm not alone. It was kind of weird.

Just another telling me the same thing others tell me.

Afterwards, call the wife and let her know I'm on the way. I get there at the same time nephew does. We go in and sit and we are talking a little. The wife comes and joins us and joins the conversation a little. Actually, they start to talk and I just kinda wait for the girls to finish getting ready. I stay pretty upbeat, but I don't give her anything. I did catch her kinda looking a little down at one point. The only conversation we really had was when I was almost out the door. Apparantly, she is enrolling D7 in the YMCA afterschool program after all. I ask when is she enrolling her. She says she is going to do it during her lunch tomorrow. I ask if she ever spoke to the lady to ask for another week. She stalls a second and says no. That the lady has been talking about people to other people. When she said it, I think I gave her an eye roll. Like I knew she was either going to forget to talk to the lady or something.

"She has been talking about people to other people?" I ask.
"Yeah, so I decided not to even ask her" she offered.

I just left it at that. NOW she has the money? 'Cause I don't anymore. She didn't ask for any. We'll see. I take the girls and offer her a quick goodbye.

I forgot, on Friday, at her apartment, D7 was talking about her bike helmet. I was asking her about the one my folks just got her. The wife says that she used her old one that was brought from the house. D7 says that it was her NEW one she used at the bike rodeo. Back and forth between them, I end up asking the wife, "Are you losing your mind?" Frustrated, she says loudly, "Maybe I am." I end up finding the new helmet in the girls room. Oh well.

Yesterday, the wife walking back and forth from her apartment and the courtyard and D11 inside, the wife comes back out and asks what is wrong with D11. She is acting upset and grouchy. Walking past her to go find out what is up with D11, I say "What do you mean what is wrong with her? It's in all ya'lls blood." She mumbled something back to me. Something like, "thats what you think" or something along those lines. A little huffy. Both times, she ended up letting it go, though. Funny.

Today, I also found out from the aunt that it was MIL that helped the wife get her furniture. So it was NOT OM. I still think he is giving her money though, but that is her problem.

Isn't that how a hooker works? He gives money, she gives favors?

I see her in such a different light now.

[whatdidido]

h4h,

I was worried about you when you hadn't posted. I know, myself, when I avoided posting, it was because I was making bad choices......back then. Coming here kinda makes you accountable when no one in the real world does.

Don't give up on her just yet. Would you do me a favor? Would you go see the movie Fireproof? If you could get your W to go with you, all the better, but even if it is just you it would be good. It will give you some strength here at this time. You are a movie guy, I know, and rather than hearing words from me, the movie could do it.

[karen43]

Went to church this morning. Part of the sermon was about not giving up. Leaving things in His hands. God is preparing us for something.

I'm feeling this way too. I realized I had been ordering God around, bring back my H or bring me another R, and now I'm just praying to let me leave it in His hands b/c he knows the best. I feel a greater amount of peace by doing that, which probably sounds nutty, but it works for me anyway.

I did let her know that I will leave a door open for the wife and she told me not to. Just move on. Leaving, they invite me over anytime. Even if I'm not alone. It was kind of weird.

Well, maybe instead of leaving the door open, shutting it and not locking it? I mean kind of mentally moving on and not worrying about the shut door. If your W wented to really work on an R with you, you could always decide to open the door at a later point. But doesn't sound like you can do anything right now. You need 2 people in an R, and you don't really have that.

I feel like I've shut the door, (although I probably should lock it), I'm not ready for that yet. God, I sound nuttier and nuttier as I go on so better stop! I just love your posts you know. Get the coffee ready and settle down for a bit with your posts. Very nice!!! Karen

[hopeful4her]

Beej, I truly don't think that the wife would consider going to the movies with me at this point. I've heard good things about the movie. I can pray that something compells her to go see it. I'm trying to be dark with her, right? It may not even be me being dark. More like a lack of empathy about it now.

As for me, I don't think I want to make things harder for me than they already are. It's taken me some time to come to grips with what she wants. I have to accept it. For my own sanity, you know.

Karen, good metaphor. Closing the door but just not locking it. A door that can always be re-opened. That is how I've been feeling.

IF I decide to. Your right about that. Closing the door, perhaps hoping that another opens. And who knows. It just might be the wife behind that new door. SOUNDS good, doesn't it?

And your not nutty. Just a goober like me

Wait! Isn't a goober another name for a nut?

[whatdidido]

Yeah, didn't think W would go...but you still could......could it make things harder? It shouldn't....it's christian based and will only keep you where you should be. Remember....I'm your angel.

[marriedCrazy]

Hey, I don't think that I ever posted to you; but I've reading your sitch. I'm dark with my W except when she's in the house. I came out of the blue with the idea of seeing the movie. Told her the theme of it and gave her the opportunity to renege if she wanted. She went. She wept. I wept. I thanked her for going with me. She asked how I knew about it. I told her that I knew about it for some time. Then I changed the subject. We haven't spoke about it since.

I did it, not because I was pursuing; but I felt God leading me to get her there. She needs God and now I've left it in his hands. I'm just praying about it now.

Take care. God Bless.

[lost_in_space]

Yeah, didn't think W would go...but you still could......could it make things harder? It shouldn't....it's christian based and will only keep you where you should be. Remember....I'm your angel.

WAIT A MINUTE... thought you were my angel????

[whatdidido]

You're right....so YOU go to the movie, too!!!!

[kat727]

Boy you angels are working overtime lately.

Do you think your wife's aunt was saying that if you just drop the rope, her niece may see what she is losing? Act "as if" you have moved on and how that might affect her? Just asking.

kat

[hopeful4her]

Thanks for posting, mC. New friends are always welcomed.

I read a smidge of your thread. You and your spouse seem to be a little closer than my wife and I are at the moment. I couldn't imagine the wife coming over to the house and spending the night for any reason, much less sleep in our bed.

I think my jaw would become so unhinged, I would be able to swallow a basketball.

Great thing for your wife to do with you, though.

I just purchased the new book by Victoria Osteen last week, the first day it came out.

You might have read her reaction. None really.

It's now on her little bookshelf. She had it out on the coffee table for a day, I think. No way she's read it, and I don't think she intends to.