Life seems like it has gotten very crazy. I appologize that this is going to be a long post. Let me start from the beginning. The W and I have been friends for close to 15 years. We had an interest in each other early on, but never acted on it. At least, until about 3-4 years ago. Then she and I finally admitted our feelings for each other and started dating. Things moved along well and I proposed last Thanksgiving.
We were married just over one month ago and had a wonderful time on our honeymoon. We got back and found ourselves in the real world. We hadn't officially lived together before the wedding, but we stayed every night for about 2-3 years together as well as almost every waking free moment. We had the typical fights about laundry, dishes, and other household chores. I should also mention that this was really the first time she had been away from home since college.
Well about 2 weeks into the marriage, W started getting very quiet. I tried to ask what was wrong, but she told me that she just wasn't feeling well. We didn't see much of each other as that week our shifts were opposite. We opened our wedding gifts with family, after which she just left saying she had to go to work (unusual for the day of the week it was). Afterwards, both my parents mentioned that they thought she was distant and evaisive. I told them I thought the same thing, but she had told me she wasn't feeling well.
She got home late that day and I asked if we could talk. She told me she was tired and just wanted to get some sleep, but we would talk tomarrow. So, we went to bed. The next day she went to work, I had the day off so I waited all day for her, only to find out that she had started working every day at her second job (her family's business). She called me mid-evening and told me that she was bringing her mother over with food, and asked if I wanted anything. I was irritated because her mother had been poking her nose around and causing problems with my family and that we wouldn't be able to talk with her mother there. I was reclusive that night, and just tried to stay out of the way.
The next night I got home early and waited for W to come home. She got home late and wanted to go to bed. Only this time, she wanted to sleep alone in the guest room. A red flag went up in my mind and I tried to talk to her, only to have her tell me that she just wanted me to leave her alone. I paniced, and asked if she wanted me to leave for the night, to which she told me that she didn't know. That scared me, and I almost left (made it out the door before I broke down crying then came right back in). I realized I was in the wrong and appologized. She told me we would talk the next night, no matter what. She then went to bed, and I attempted to sleep without sucess.
The next day I got off work, rushed home to talk to see what the problem was. I had to wait for 2 hours for her to even come home (which was 6 hours after she was suppose to get off of work). She came in and told me we had to talk, and she would start. The first words out of her mouth were, "Today I met with a lawyer and filed for divorce." I was stunned. I hadn't realized things were in that bad shape. The reason she gave me was I lied to her about a $200 bill. Truthfully, I did lie to her about it. It was a stupid mistake, something done out of pride. I ended up crying myself to sleep that night. We cohabitated for about a week. Each night she would come home from her parents house just to go to bed. One night I tried to talk to her only to have her snap at me and get into an arguement. She was on the phone with her mother at the time, and her mother kept feeding the anger. Not only that, but her mother called the W's brother to interfere. I left that night and haven't been back, even to pick up clothes or anything.
I love her dearly. I have always tried to give her everything. But, now I can't. Each day I miss her more. I've started counselling (W refuses any couples or one on one counselling as being a waste of time and money). And I've started trying to move on with things. But, as each day goes by I realize she is the only one I want to spend my time with. It hurts me so much to know she is in pain and doesn't want me. I can't help but wonder what the true reason is, because to me this single incident doesn't seem worth losing our marriage. I'm scared. I know I should give it time, but the state I live in only gives 60 days from filing. I am just lost in all of this, and worst of all I think I've lost my best friend...
Wow. Okay. First, I'm sorry you are here, but glad you found your way. I don't know if you've been doing much reading since you found the site. Something has triggered a rather intense reaction. Is it really about the $$? Or about the lie? Step back a minute. Think. DO NOT PURSUE. Get enough sleep and water. Read up on others' threads, use yours to vent, journal, etc. Help is coming. Be patient. Peace.
Me:44, WAW hx bi-polar H:48, hx of abuse S:22, S:19, D:16 Filed Oct 08, dismissed Filed again Jan 10, dismissed Now Piecing alter persona: SuperBoots
I'm guessing it was the lie. This was really the only time I've lied to her. However, due to some misunderstandings with my family and her own family recently, she thinks I've been making a habit of lieing. And when I tried to show her I had only lied about the bill, she ignored it and claimed that that was a lie.
I know I hurt her. I was dumb, I made a mistake. I am just blown away that this reaction is so extreme. I know I should keep going. But, I'm scared that I've lost her for good. Not pursuing is so difficult, but I do realize that that is driving her even further away. I just feel so useless doing "nothing"...
Went to our apartment today. It's been a week since I left the apartment, so I went to pick up my mail. Well, I walked in to find 80% of my stuff packed up and put on one side of the apartment. That just devestated me. Gave me the feelling that she has really moved on without even giving us a chance to even try and work on our issues. This just seems so intense a reaction for lieing about a $200 bill...
Perhaps something from her parents. Or, with the small arguements we were having after moving in together. I guess it also could be tough for her to accept that the whole wedding thing is over for the rest of her life. I've gone through everything that I've done. And with the exception of some minor arguements things were fine. Unfortunately, the only time she's actually been willing to talk to me was when she told me she filed for the big D. And at that point I was in total and utter shock.
Niemand, I understand what you're going through. I have been unable to get my W to respond to any of my cards or letters or emails. Hopefully with time, she will start to think things through.
