Pure and simple every time

[One Day]

Last thread: Dreams come bouncing in your head

Not too much to report. I'm having a day off work today which is nice. Went out this morning to the sperm seminar. It was interesting and I signed up for a consultation in November. Apparently this clinic has no waiting list for sperm, which was good, although they did say that until I'm D, H would be down on the birth certificate as the father. Seemed a bit odd to me, but they have legal advice there for free so I might investigate that.

No news from H. As you guys know, he sent me a little e-mail on Wednesday which I didn't reply to. I think I'll send a short note back on Monday, just to be polite and acknowledge him passing the job advert on (and because you're right, Julia- dark doesn't help my sitch). I feel OK about H- still detached, although I was a bit sad yesterday evening as I was leaving work- you know when you just need a hug. H used to give great hugs and I could have done with a good one this week.

CEO update:

On Wednesday CEO had laser eye surgery so he was in to work late on Thursday. He was very sweet and called me on Thursday morning to tell me about the operation (in great detail), how he was feeling about it and to ask me if it was the same for me when I had it.

Later on that morning when he got to the office I saw him popping out (there was an Olympic parade going past the office). He beckoned me to go with him (I was coming back from the kitchen in slippers and holding a cup of tea). I said no, but he insisted and then told me I looked lovely when I said I felt like an idiot going outdoors in slippers. While we were out he pointed out a guy who he thought fancied me and whispered a couple of non-PC observations about things in my ear. My other office mates were giving me heinous looks when we got back in- one had gone out but CEO didn't join him and the others didn't get asked. That was the day of the 'his Mum asking about divorce thing'.

Then yesterday we were both a bit stressed I guess. His eyes were better and he showed them to me, and told me about how he'd managed to have a shower without getting them wet. Told me a couple of (very bad) jokes, and then we exchanged Shakespearean insults for a bit by e-mail. This is how it went:

CEO: Young fry of treachery
Me: You cullionly barbermonger
CEO: Thou infectious fen-sucked ratsbane!
Me: You obscene weather-bitten hugger-mugger
CEO: Thou saucy clapper-clawed lewdster!

I don't think I've ever met (or ever will meet) anyone who enjoys trading Shakespearean insults. It's a rare trait, but good. I tried a little 180 on him in the afternoon and made (mild!) physical contact a couple of times. Once I shook his shoulder with playful frustration. Later he said he was really stressed and frustrated, so I rubbed his upper back/shoulder area a little. I'm not very touchy feely when it comes to anyone apart from H so it was a bit weird doing it but we'll see what happens. Later in the afternoon he told me I was the only one he trusted out of everyone at work. That was sweet. Finally, when he made me tea in the morning he dropped it off with a 'There you go, love', and when I made him tea in the afternoon he said 'Thanks love'. Small things. He doersn't often call anyone at work 'love'. Maybe once that I can remember about 9 months ago. Who knows what it all means.

Sorry for the really long post! I thought I'd post some CEO gossip just to keep things juicy and keep you reading. Nothing's really changed in my sitch this week, except that I feel a bit frustrated with H. There's something I really need his help with and he knows it but I'm pretty sure he's gone into his cave as a result (and the after-effects of his holiday). Meanwhile it's becoming a struggle to not overtly flirt with CEO. He can spontaneously quote Shakespeare, eats a big bag of fruit every day (just like me), is allergic to the same tea as me, has the same favourite book and evening meal recipe as me, lovely eyes, big hands and has lovely big gazing at me eyes.

Focus on the chin, focus on the chin, focus on the chin. I know, I know, I know!!

(((((all)))) I've missed you this week. Thanks for all the lovely support about my job, and the intrigue about CEO. The plan is to acknowledge H's e-mail this week, and to ask CEO if his Mum wants to go out with me (great suggestion I got at the pub last night!)

L. xx

[Kalni]

First?

[Kalni]

Yeah!!! First!!! Lisa, I was ROTFLMAO (I never get this right) with the suggestion to ask CEO if his Mum would like to go out with you!!! That's great idea...

Good to hear you Okish, I really cant belive you went to the sperm seminar... I think it doesnt sound right for you, somehow I think it is unfair to believe that's your only choice...

I hope your H steps up and gives you the help you need that he knows about...
Love
K

Are you sure those quotes are English?
The way you describe CEO he really sounds pretty bad... tssss

[naej]

Second

[Kalni]

Second

sorry

[naej]

OK so now I can reply properly.
Dear Lisa, I would think long and hard about the sperm bank I guess you have been doing that already. Fast forward to when said child wants to find his/her Father (sperm).I believe it is no longer anonomous.
Or even bringing up a child alone.I know it is done but not often through choice. If your biological clock is really ticking and I know the longing for a child so well, then take active steps to remove WAW spouse from your life, (you have plenty of friends and most I would say are doing a far better job of friendship than him).
That leaves you free to be open to a new relationship hmmmm I wonder if you have anyone in mind.

(Can you tell I am struggling to be polite )
I have been reading boards today and staggered by the pain, misery and suffering so many people will go through on the very slim chance that the waw will suddenly wake up, come to their senses, sort out their depression you name it, whatever label the LBS gives their spouses to excuse the dreadful behaviour and treatment they receive from the person who is supposed to love and cherish them. So many whose lives are on hold and clinging to miniscule thread of hope.
I know this is not you , you actually have a social life and by and large seem relatively "whole". Some of these posters have been married but a few years husbands having repeated affairs seems to be from year 1 and still they cling. Love is the strangest thing but were do you draw the line between loving and standing and wasting so many years of your life by being so co-dependant you cannot see the nose on your face.
Ok lecture over, sorry this really doesn't apply to you.
I hope H steps up over whatever it is you need him to do, and then I hope that you review your tactics and timescale.
Life is not a dress rehersal and you deserve so much more than this man is giving you. Truly.

[naej]

Kalni, you beat me (fairly) this time and I am in the same country. !!!
Hope your dad is relaxing a little and getting used to being home. His fears are quite common I believe and it is so easy to become institutionalized so quicky in hospital. I think they just feel safer being in a hospital.
Hope you managed some me time this week end.
(((()))

[AliSuddenly]

Clearly, CEO is a great catch..he is intelligent and succesful, he has the same favourite book and meal as you!? He does great blackadderesque insults, he is caring and sweet and attentive, he compliments you, he clearly fancies you, his Mum is itching to buy a hat.. the list goes on. I said before, the universe seems to have thrown in your path what you need, but is it what you want?

But I guess the heart wants what the heart wants.. and you still want your H? If you do reply Monday, maybe be a bit 'cool'? Why rush into the sperm bank thing though...could you not invest your emotinal energy/brain in deciding on H/CEO or neither before embarking on the tremendous journey of trying to get pregnant, which would be a pretty life changing, emotional one? And surely would complicate your sitch with either of them!? One thing at a time? I know life isnt that neat, but you do have choices.

[transformer]

Dearest L,

It's so nice to "see" you. I'm glad to hear what you are up to and the CEO juicy gossip is always so... juicy!! The sperm bank thing doesn't seem right to me either, but sometimes when we step out there and start taking action towards what we want, I think it sets in motion things we can't see, and our energy frequently comes back to us, in ways unrecognizable from the actions we took ... if that makes any sense. You are sending vibes that you want a beautiful baby, who knows how those beautiful baby vibes will manifest??

Keep us posted on all your developments

I like thinking of you on the sidewalk in slippers!!! You're so bohemian!

fruit forever!
LOVE
T

[mishka422]

Sperm bank? Seriously? Georgeous, fantastic Lisa. You have no reason to go that route! Seriously, there are too many other options out there.

You are a sweet and loving woman. Email your H, be cool with him. Hopefully he will get done what it is you need him to do. If not, can you survive without his help?